We can all agree, there are certain aspects to a relationship that are non-negotiable, like whether or not to have kids, while others, like a favorite hobby, may not be such deal-breakers.
But hobbies that are more of a lifestyle choice may be another story, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Ok_Entertainment5177 was at a loss when their boyfriend was so resistant to traveling, he wouldn’t even acquire a passport.
When their boyfriend didn’t respond well to their backup plan, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they were somehow being unreasonable.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for threatening to go on vacation with someone else because my boyfriend won’t get a passport?”
The OP wanted a much-needed vacation with their boyfriend.
“My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We recently moved in together.”
“I’m a full-time law student and he is an engineer.”
“Needless to say, we are both stressed out and in need of a vacation.”
The couple didn’t see eye-to-eye on traveling.
“His family is super traditional and old-fashioned. They live in the same small town they were born in, have never left the country, and are extremely frugal (i.e, won’t spend money on vacations).”
“I’m an immigrant. My parents are pretty well off and enjoy traveling and exploring the world.”
“I grew up going on all sorts of adventures and want to maintain that kind of lifestyle.”
“My parents recently offered to buy my boyfriend and me a cruise vacation for the winter break. This would be the perfect way to see a little bit of the world and relax.”
The boyfriend refused to get a passport.
“Here’s where the problems come. My boyfriend does not have a passport.”
“He refuses to get a passport because he thinks there’s no reason to leave the country.”
“In order to go on a cruise, you need a passport. No way around it.”
“I told my boyfriend that I would love to be able to travel with him and that I want him to feel like a part of the family and able to go on family vacations. I want him to have the opportunity to see the world.”
“He said he has to think about it before making a decision.”
“I am getting frustrated because my parents need to book the trip soon as the holidays are coming up.”
The OP gave their boyfriend a choice.
“I told my boyfriend yesterday that if he doesn’t make a decision (whatever that decision may be) that I would be going on the cruise with a friend instead.”
“He got mad and said I was pressuring him.”
“Frankly, I think this is ridiculous, and that everyone should have a passport this day and age.”
“AITA for threatening to go on vacation with someone else?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the boyfriend just didn’t want to put the work into getting a passport.
“It’s laziness. Getting a passport doesn’t force one to travel. It allows for the possibility of traveling. I hate driving – I still have a driver’s license.” – 9okm
“It’s laziness because he hasn’t made a decision either way. OP, fair enough if he doesn’t want to go but don’t let him prevent you from going through his apathy.” – M133d33ds
“He won’t have time to get a passport anyway, so there’s no decision to make at this point. Even expedited is 6 weeks.” – pensbird91
Others were more worried the boyfriend was trying to stop the OP from going.
“This is what bothers me. They can have different opinions on traveling and still be compatible (if she is happy traveling with friends, and he is fine with that).”
“But no, he is stalling on a time-sensitive answer in order to sabotage the travel altogether.”
“AND, he is engaging in a little manipulative gaslighting to make her feel bad by claiming she is ‘pressuring’ him for an answer to something that is necessarily time-sensitive.”
“Red flags.” – Rare-Neighborhood271
“He’s feeling the FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) aboutt you leaving without him yet can’t push himself to compromise and is probably hoping you’d say, ‘Eff the trip, I’ll stay with you instead.'”
“NTA. Let your parents buy the tickets and tell him he can stay home as he wishes while you travel as you wish.” – JaavaMocha
“He’s not going and he doesn’t want her to go either. Instead of speaking the words, he‘s trying to stall until the very last moment in order to spoil it for everyone. In short, he’s TA.” – angiem0n
“He’s hoping he can stall her long enough that it will be too late to book and she’ll be forced to stay with him. He’s never going to give her a decision. She needs to just ask a friend and go.” – Pleasant-Koala147
Some questioned the long-term compatibility of this couple.
“My mom loved to travel but my dad never did and so they never have since getting married except domestically. They have a great marriage but my mom always says she regrets not seeing more of the world.”
“Also NTA” – Ok_Storage403
“This would have been a deal-breaker for me. I took my now-husband to the post office to apply for a passport, like 2 months after we started dating, and then brought him to Guatemala for our first international vacation.”
“His family s**t a brick because clearly anywhere in Latin America is ‘not safe.’ Then he chose Colombia as the destination for our next international trip.” – LadyGreyIcedTea
“It was a big part of why I broke up with my ex. His idea of a vacation was going two hours away to fish on a lake all day long.”
“My parents were going to take us to Europe before the pandemic hit and he was so apprehensive about the whole thing and then decided it’d be too expensive… even though all we really had to buy were plane tickets and fun money.”
“We were going to be staying with family friends. I was so upset and disappointed… but I went with my parents by myself.” – Tatertot729
“I think this is a high enough level of incompatibility to warrant a break-up, particularly since his attitude is not ‘go without me and have a good time’ but ‘you’re betraying me if you do what I don’t want to do.'”
“NTA, OP. Please go! This guy is not worth sacrificing the joy of travel!” – JuliaX1984
Though the OP thought they may have been pressuring their boyfriend too much about getting a passport so they could take a relaxing family vacation together, the subReddit didn’t think so. Rather, having a passport is practical and allows for travel when a person is ready.
If the couple isn’t able to do something that makes everyone happy, even if it means the boyfriend staying home while the OP travels with a friend, they might have to rethink their own relationship.