‘Tis the season for celebrations , and we all celebrate in our way.
Some of us get together with family and others dread the concept.
We eat and drink and we revel in the love of those we choose to be close to – blood or otherwise.
What happens, though, when the strict rules you’ve placed on the frivolities have people flocking away from your party?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) omom2122 when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
They asked:
“AITA for banning alcohol from Christmas.”
OP got right to the matter at hand.
“My husbands family likes to drink.”
“Every holiday includes multiple bottles of wine/cocktails.”
“I hate drinking I have never drank my father was an alcoholic I think it’s childish if you can’t have fun without drinking.”
“This year I’m hosting Christmas for a change I decided since it’s at my house no alcohol allowed we are all getting older and it’s time to grow up.”
“My husband’s sister called to ask what she could bring.”
Everything was fine, until…
“She saw a recipe for a Christmas martini that she wanted to bring.”
“I told her about my no alcohol rule.”
“She didn’t say much but must have told the rest of the family.”
“Some of them started texting me asking me if I was serious and saying that it is lame. But I’m not budging.”
“Now it turns out my husband’s sister is hosting an alternate gathering that almost everyone is choosing to go to instead.”
“It’s so disrespectful all because they would have to spend one day sober.”
“My husband told me he talked to his sister and we are invited to her gathering and he said we should just go and stop causing issues but I won’t it’s so rude.”
“Now husband is mad because I’m making him stay home and spend Christmas with me but it was my turn to host and I chose to have a no alcohol they could have dealt with it for one year.”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
Some requested more background.
“INFO:.”
“Have any past christmases/events been absolutely ruined because of alcohol?”
“By that I mean violence, drama, puking on the floor, whatever?”
“If not, this is a pretty strange rule to implement with your husband’s family.”
“They have nothing to do with your father being an alcoholic. If my boyfriend told my mother she can’t drink wine with her christmas supper I would find that weird as hell.”
“YTA unless something truly awful happened previously due to alcohol that would explain this.” ~ SpeakingNight
“Good point but I doubt anything has happened, OP just seems to have a strong personal dislike for alcohol and admitted she thinks it’s childish to drink to enjoy yourself.”
“She even said ‘It’s time to grow up.'”
“I think if anything has happened at holidays in the past she would have said so, and that would definitely be a good reason to consider and discuss banning alcohol – especially the puking thing;”
“Anytime someone can’t hold their liquor especially at damn Christmas and ruins other peoples’ time by getting sick, it’s time for that to go.”
“But again, this seems like something OP would have, and definitely should have if applicable, mentioned.”
“It’s frankly not even clear that anyone gets drunk, OP mentioned multiple bottles of wine and cocktails.”
“This is my family every Christmas, we have multiple bottles of wine and cocktails present, and no one’s ever drunk.”
“Ever.”
“My aunt and uncle always made a festive cocktail for everyone to enjoy – if they want to – every Christmas Eve, its something fun they do.”
“Depending on how many family members there are, ‘multiple’ bottles of wine may not even mean everyone is having a lot of it.”
“I really think OP just hates alcohol and has some trauma around it.” ~ ocean-blue
Personal stories also came up.
“I have a lot of family who only drink at Christmas. So even though they are teatotallers the rest of the year, they probably wouldn’t want to attend OPs dinner.” ~ sravll
“That’s how I am.”
“I have 2-3 occasions per year where I’ll have a few drinks at most.”
“I wouldn’t go to a gathering where the hostess judged me for imbibing 3 x per year and banned me from having a glass of wine with my sisters.”
“Wtf does she think she is lol. Girl bye.” ~ Embarrassed_Put_8129
“I hate that line so much, ‘can’t have fun without drinking'”.
“I generally try to eat pretty healthy – most my meals consist of lean protein, veggies, and no or very low carbs, and water or another 0 calorie drink.”
“If it’s a holiday, or a party, or my vacation, I’m eating pizza and chips. I CAN have fun without junk food, but I’d be super bummed out if I showed up to a party and the snack was hummus and carrots and the main course was a salad.”
“I love hummus and carrots and salad, but this isn’t the time or place!”
“Since I’m in the last month of my pregnancy, I know it’s been at least 9 months since my last drink, and realistically it’s been quite a bit longer than that, but I hosted Thanksgiving, made a pitcher of mocktails, and provided my guest with liquor options so they could turn it into a cocktail.”
“That’s being a good host. Provide healthy and junk food options. Provide alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks.”
“Let adults make their own decisions.” ~ Pixarooo
For some, it was about robbing others of their freedom of choice.
“Exactly.”
“And I mean- I feel for OP.”
“My dad was an alcoholic, I felt like I had no control over my life or environment growing up and essentially turned into a control freak until I learned that boundaries are what you create for yourself and not for others.”
“Seems like OP is was trying to manipulate and control the entire evening but these are humans, not puppets.” ~ Scumbucket22
“That right there.”
“I’m an alcoholic I’ve been sober for 9 years but would never think to impose my restrictions on others. If they want to drink that’s their prerogative and has nothing to do with me.”
“In my early days of sobriety when I didn’t want to be around drinkers I simply wouldn’t go to events where there was booze and wouldn’t invite people over.”
“That said, there are times when you may want to say no.”
“For example my mother in-law has a tendency to over drink, during our daughters birthday party she caused a scene that not only embarrassed her but embarrassed us in front of family and friends and even put our kids into a dangerous situation.”
“It was so bad that my wife didn’t talk to her for weeks.”
“In that situation we had to be very firm and told her that we still love her and want her in our children’s lives however it needs to be without alcohol.”
“That any gatherings with her going forward there would be no alcohol served and asked her not to bring her own.” ~ CasperTFG_808
Some pointed out that OP was keeping it secret.
“YTA for a variety of reasons.”
“For unilaterally banning alcohol.”
“It’s presumably your husband’s house too so why didn’t you have a discussion with him?”
“For getting mad that someone else decided to host Christmas after they found out you banned alcohol.”
“An invitation is not a summons and you’re imposing rules a lot of people don’t want to follow on the holidays.”
“From not allowing your husband to celebrate Christmas with his family. That’s not your decision to make.”
“For your overall attitude around your ILs and drinking. Having a few drinks for the holidays is okay, it’s not a gross or nasty thing that we should judge.”
“Edit:”
“It did not occur to me until y’all started commenting that OP was intentionally not telling anyone (her husband included) that it was a dry party to intentionally trick them into coming. Add that as reason #5 YTA.” ~ Acrobatic-Bit4846
“It also sounds like the family didn’t even know it was banned until SIL called OP to see what she could bring and was then told she wasn’t allowed to bring her stuff for the martini, which makes the OP a major AH IMO if she couldn’t have said something to everyone from the get go.” ~ Defiant_McPiper
“I think that rankled me the most.”
“Sounds like she was trying to sabotage the entire family and their Christmas plans.”
“She knows her husbands family enjoys having alcohol for their Christmas get together.”
“If SIL had not checked, and everyone just showed up with cocktail mixes, wine for dinner, or whatever beverage they might bring, what was she expecting the result to be?”
“Was she going to confiscate all the alcohol at the door and tell them ‘no way you are bringing that in my house?”‘
“By not letting everyone know the gathering would be alcohol free, thus giving them options, does she even realize what kind of scene she was getting ready to be the director (dictator) of?”
“For some reason, I get the impression this might be exactly what she was planning on! Definitely TA” ~ ChiefsTess
Dry parties can be fun and frivolous and just as loudly boisterous as one swimming in alcohol.
The real issue here is that everyone needs to make that choice together – or they might just find somewhere they feel safer.