Wedding proposals and planning for the resulting wedding are meant to be happy occasions, even if there’s a lot of work involved to make them happen.
But there’s a reason why “too much of a good thing” is such a popular phrase.
One recently engaged person discovered this, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Firelord-Zullen became fed up with their own fiancée when she asked them to repeatedly propose to her as a way to continuously celebrate their upcoming vows.
When they saw their future bride’s reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they were wrong to be frustrated.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for saying I’m done proposing?”
The OP’s future bride asked for repeated proposals.
“I have been engaged to my fiancé for 14 months now. Long engagement, I get it, but there is a reason that’s not important.”
“Since then, she has asked/hinted to me to propose again many times. Sometimes were several times per week early on.”
“I asked and joked about if the 1st proposal was bad.”
“She always says, no, it was beautiful, and starts talking about it.”
“The OP quickly became tired of the repetition.
“At first I thought it was cute, too, so she was indulged.”
“After 3 or 4 months, I told her it wasn’t cute anymore and that it was starting to feeling like I am being forced to propose.”
“She would get upset if I didn’t, though sometimes she would just say ok, but those times were rare.”
“We talked about it, her rebuttal being it’s harmless and an easy cute thing to do and around for a limited time.”
The future bride continued to ask and hint.
“She started doing it differently at least once a week. Like leaving her ring box on my side of the bed or putting it somewhere I would normally see.”
“When I would bring the box, she would act surprised or ask if I had something to ask her.”
“This lasted another 3 or 4 months.”
The couple had to have another talk.
“So we talked again.”
“I told her I feel the memory of the beautiful day I proposed to her the first time is getting clouded.”
“That I’m relating that memory to the constant proposals that happened after more than the day itself.”
“She argued the same as last time and that the memory can’t be clouded because this is different.”
The OP had to put a stop to it.
“It went to about only once or twice a month after that since then but still continued.”
“I told her tonight I’m done doing it, that it’s ridiculous to still be doing this.”
“She argued how it’s about our love and a big step in our relationship, and she wants to keep reliving it, so how can it be bad.”
“Then she asked why I wasn’t willing to do it anymore if it doesn’t cost me anything to just do it.”
“I told her because in ten years when I think about our engagement, I’ll be thinking about how annoying it was with her prompting me to propose so many times for so long.”
“I have to draw a line somewhere and say enough is enough, and 14 months sounds more than fair.”
“I get it, it’s practically harmless to keep doing it and I’m not good at being the cutest.”
“So I would appreciate some different opinions.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were concerned about the bride’s need for repeated proposals.
“NTA, from what I gather, she wants you to keep giving her that validation and attention for as long as possible. I think your fiance needs to realize that she can’t just feed off that energy for this long.”
“Maybe sit down with her and ask what the deeper reason is behind these repetitive proposals she’s wanting. She may feel insecure or not have had enough validation in her life, which happens to a lot of people and is normal, just be careful of burnout when trying to cater to someone like this.” – Nicolozolo
“NTA although anyone telling you to end your relationship literally has one brain cell bouncing around in their head like a game of pong… Or they’re f**king psycho because that’s a severe suggestion based on one post.”
“My ignorant advice would be to make sure she isn’t depressed, it could be her chasing a serotonin boost and not because she thinks it’s ‘cute.'”
“You know her better than anyone, though, so see if you can replace the ritual with something that’s less annoying but still affectionate.” – JimileeWatt
“She’s being an emotionally manipulative bully. Do NOT give her the ring back next time. Put it somewhere safe.”
“She needs mental help to figure out why she is so fixated on you proving your love over and over again. And hurting you each time. But see, she doesn’t care about your feelings – only hers.”
“Think twice before giving her that ring back.”
“NTA” – Visual_Currency_7578
Others suggested ways the OP could validate their fiancée’s feelings.
“The last paragraph may be the key. He is bad at expressing his feelings and like you said, she has the need for this sort of thing.”
“If OP wants to marry her and be a good husband, he needs to learn to do something romantic/cute from time to time. Instead of proposing again, he should buy her flowers/go on a date/make her dinner and tell her why he wants to marry her to give her the validation that she needs. Saying something to someone bluntly and saying something when the mood is right makes a world of difference.”
“It is NAH or ESH because I doubt the blame can be put just on one side.” – DirectionFast1847
“She’s not asking for this out of nowhere. There’s a disconnect between romance and communicating how they feel. I would imagine the proposal made her feel secure and now she’s trying to recapture that feeling with the subsequent ones. I think it’s definitely a conversation that needs to happen.” – OneSmolBean
“I definitely think she’s feeding off the energy. Maybe she has excess wedding planning energy she is redirecting due to wedding delays? Or the delays make her insecure perhaps?”
“Agree OP should really talk about what’s behind it. Although I winced when he said his memory would just be how annoying she was.” – Creative-Training175
“NTA but if she keeps this up, have you considered re-enacting the very first proposal? And getting someone to video it?”
“Then she can just watch the video over and over, instead of making you live through Groundhog Day: The Proposal every week.” – whiskeygambler
Some found the fiancée’s behavior to be incredibly problematic.
“She apparently needs some fix like a drug or something. I would not indulge that and would require premarital counseling because I would not sign up for that type of behavior for the rest of my life.” – JuryNo7670
“NTA. Once you’re married is she going to put her wedding dress on every week and get you to recreate your wedding??” – Character-Novel7927
“NTA. Your fiancée wants to live in an endless Disney Princess loop, with ‘The Moment’ re-enacted over and over to keep feeding her princess bride fantasy.”
“In a word, ew. I hope she grows up if you still want to marry her.”
“P.S. She wants to wear a tiara on her wedding day, doesn’t she?” – Quirky-Ad-5071
Since the OP didn’t want to hurt their fiancée’s feelings, they were conflicted about how to make both of them happy. Though the sub was a little divided on why the bride was behaving this way and what it could mean, they reasonably agreed that the OP was not in the wrong for wanting to discontinue the sporadic proposals.