Most people are happy to lend a hand to a friend, family member, or colleague if they find themselves in a tough spot.
Unfortunately, some people are somewhat too accepting of other people's generosity.
Resulting in their eventually expecting the help of others, whether it's offered or not.
Often offering these kind and generous souls nothing in return.
When they learned their colleague was in something of a bind, a recent Redditor offered him a helping hand.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP) would quickly regret their decision after hearing this colleague make a joke at their expense.
When this colleague showed no remorse for their behavior, the OP swiftly recinded their helping hand.
After being told by this colleague that they were "overreacting", the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA: for refusing to give my coworker a ride after he called me his 'personal chauffeur'?"
The OP explained why they closed the door on helping their coworker get to work:
"I have a coworker who lives near me and I've given him a ride to work a few times before."
"Well his car is now in the shop needed to get work done, and he asked for a ride again."
"Not a big deal he even asked if I could stop by the store for him to pick up groceries and again I didn't mind I had nothing else going on."
"Well earlier I heard him joking about how I'm his 'personal chauffeur' and 'he didn't need to rush his car getting fixed'."
"He asked me for a ride again today after work and I told him no, bringing up what I heard him say."
"He said I'm over reacting and that he was just kidding."
"I didn't give him a ride home and he had to pay for an über."
"Am I an a**hole for not giving him a ride home? Or was his 'joking' as rude as I took it."
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community stood firmly behind the OP, unanimously agreeing they were not the a**hole for refusing to give their coworker a ride anymore.
Everyone agreed that the OP's colleague was completely unworthy of receiving a ride anymore after not only showing no gratitude to the OP but also showing no remorse at his joke or for giving him a ride:
"NTA."
"I don't think the joke about you being his 'personal chauffeur' is as bad as 'he didn't need to rush his car getting fixed'."
"The joke is one thing but this idea that he's using your kindness as an excuse to hold off on getting his crap together is unacceptable."
"He absolutely needs to get his car fixed."
"He seems to be oblivious to the imposition that he's putting on you."- SomeoneYouDontKnow70
"NTA."
"And let me guess: He hasn't been paying for gas?"- TemptingPenguin369
"NTA!"
"While he may have been joking about you being his 'personal chauffeur', he certainly wasn't kidding about not being in a rush to get his car fixed."
"He has been saving on transport costs since you were helping him."
"Well too bad for him, he took advantage of your generosity and now he must respect what he has sowed."- BoredofBin
"NTA."
"I notice you didn't say anything about him apologizing for the comment - just making sure he told you that you were overreacting."
"I'd not want to give him a ride again, either."- Own_Lack_4526
"NTA."
"'Personal chauffeur' sounds like a joke, but 'didn't need to rush...' sounds as if he's taking advantage of your generosity."- Physical_School_2382
"NTA."
"I used to be really accommodating about giving rides to coworkers when I was younger."
"Every single person eventually tried expanding services, stopping for groceries, at the pharmacy, for fast food - stuff that made my commute an hour longer when added to their ride."
"They ALL got irate when I said no to the extras."
"I don't know what causes this in human psychology, but it's definitely a thing."- dontlikebeige
"NTA."
"Your co-worker needs to figure out that 'jokes' should be funny to everyone involved."
"Good for you for cutting him off."
"Now be wary of him making belittling comments at work, which might create (to your perspective) a hostile work environment."
"He may also try to convince other co-workers to pressure you into continuing to drive him, based on the 'it's not a big deal' and 'we're family' attitudes so prevalent on this sub…which can be answered with OP saying to the co-workers, 'If it's not a big deal, you drive him'."- CheeseMakingMom
"The joke was at your expense."
"The expense of your kindness and the consequence is getting that taken away."
"NTA he deserves it for being a jerk."
"Also, chauffeurs get paid!"
"You don't. So he can pay uber for his personal chauffeur needs now."- lastunicorn76
"NTA."
"He's clearly taking advantage of your kindness, and enjoying it."
"So now he gets to pay for uber."
"I had a coworker pick me up a few times when I busted my foot and couldn't drive, and I was super appreciative and offered to pay for gas, even though I was on her way home."- Jerseygirl2468
"NTA."
"He was rude, disrespectful and ungrateful."
"Instead he should have told them that he really appreciates it and wants to fix the car quickly so not to inconvenience you."- TimeRecognition7932
"NTA."
"Guy bragging about having the chauffeur is the AH."- Gold-Anything4274
"NTA."
"He's not smart."
"He took your kindness for weakness."
"Don't spit on him if he's on fire."
"It's also important that your other coworkers see that insulting and taking you for granted has consequences."
"And if any of them opens their mouths to defend him then suggest that they drive him around."- BeeJackson
"Nothing worse than someone telling you you're overreacting instead of just doing the decent thing and apologizing."
"NTA."- idreaminwords
"NTA."
"'Gas, grass, or ass; nobody rides for free'."- madriverdog
"NTA."
"AT ALL."
"The average salary of a chauffeur in the US is $22.40/hr."
"I would send him an invoice of all the hours you helped him, and charge him retroactively."
"Say: as you seem to think I'm actually your employee and NOT a respected coworker who was doing you a big favor, Im not doing ANYTHING for you again until you pay me back for being your 'chauffeur'."- Zealousideal-Log-152
"NTA."
"Tell him you were just joking about giving him a ride in the first place, so now you're even."- JeepersCreepers74
"NTA."
"When he orders Uber he also gets a personal chauffeur."
"He just has to pay for it."- yourmanskryptonite
"NTA."
"He sounds incredibly ungrateful and a user."
"Hope he doesn't make a living at being a comedian if he thinks this is funny."- MVHood
"NTA."
"You were doing him a favor."
"You're not obligated to do favors for him especially when he's being rude to you."- p_0456
"NTA."
"He bit the proverbial hand feeding him."- Tall_Clerk9457
"Classic FOFO behavior."
"NTA."- PleaseCoffeeMe
"NTA."
"I made a joke like this on purpose before because I was expected to ride with someone (a new co-worker)."
"After the second time of being told to 'ride with me' I finally made the comment how I love being the passenger princess and this is saving miles from being put on my car."
"It was more to the point and a lot nicer than me saying, 'Hey I am an adult and I can drive myself'."
"It's a control thing for me."
"For your situation, you don't bite the hand that feeds you."
"They said that and quite honestly, joke of not, it's got implications."
"So, no more rides since they think they can use you for free."- jjrobinson73
"NTA."
"My biggest beef here is him asking for a grocery stop."
"WTF?"- New-Grapefruit1737
"NTA."
"He's welcome to Uber himself around till his car gets fixed."- IncrediblePeach6581
"NTA."
"His comment seems demeaning."
"As if OP is his servant, rather than an equal who was being extremely generous with their time and effort."
"It's the demeaning nature of his remark that stung."- curiousity60
"NTA."
"That's absolutely shitty of him to take advantage and brag about it."
"So it's one thing for someone to say, 'OP gave me a ride home yesterday and even took me for groceries'."
"'That was so kind of them, they didn't have to do that', and another thing to say, 'OP gave me a ride home and even took me for groceries'."
"'You could say they're like my personal chauffeur'."
"'I'm not gonna rush on getting my car fixed'."
"You're not wrong for telling him to find another way home."
"He's not grateful at all, and he seems very entitled and egotistical."- RadioSupply
It is true that some people can't take a joke.
However, it seems fairly clear that the OP's colleague wasn't joking, in that he was planning on mooching off the OP as much as he could.
After looking over all the charges he made to Uber on his credit card bills, perhaps the OP's colleague might reconsider whether or not the OP was "overreacting".
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.