When we find out our friends are going through a hard time, our first instinct is to help them out.
Even if there’s only so much we can do, we would still feel better helping them out in whatever way we can.
Of course, we might not always be so inclined to be generous.
Especially if we discover that our friends are rather exaggerating just how dreary their situation is.
The friend of Redditor Addictionsunderstood made it known that she was going through a rough period financially.
So rough that food was reportedly becoming a rarer and rarer commodity.
While the original poster (OP) was initially more than willing to help her friend out, she became somewhat less inclined after seeing a video this friend posted on social media.
A video that suggested she might not be as dire as she let on.
Wondering if she was being unfair to this friend, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not helping my broke friend because she got a tattoo?”
The OP explained why they lost the inclination to help out their friend:
“One of my friends has been complaining about money a lot recently.”
“It’s gotten to the point where two days ago she said that she was so broke she wasn’t able to afford to eat and was skipping whole days worth of eating because she just had no food.”
“I felt sympathy because I’ve struggled a lot with finances, I still do a little bit but not as badly as I used to.”
“Since I’m doing okay enough to right now, I offered to help her out with food.”
“I do a budgeting plan with my meals/meal prep where I use these compartment containers and I’ll make 10 portions of 3 different meals every two weeks.”
“I rotate the menu based on what’s on sale.”
“Then I put them into my deep freezer.”
“I have adhd and this works really well for me.”
“I have a bit of extra meal stock at the moment because I don’t always eat all the prepared trays before I make the next batch since I always do it every two weeks.”
“I have around 25 extra meals in my freezer right now.”
“Since I have extra, I was originally just gonna not meal prep at the start of next week, but instead I decided to offer to drop my friend off some of my surplus so she has something to eat.”
“I was gonna drop it off today after work, but right when I was getting off work I was watching Snapchat stories and saw she posted one.”
“She went and got a tattoo today as part of a flash thing.”
“I’m familiar with the artist who did the tatt because I recognized their flash from their Instagram.”
“I was considering going in for one but didn’t do it cause I don’t really have the extra money rn.”
“They’re all pre-priced prices, and that one is $180.”
“Idk why but it kinda pmo because she literally just told me about how she was so broke she couldn’t afford to eat, but yet was able to pay for a tattoo.”
“When I was struggling financially I def didn’t get tattoos.”
“I messaged her about it and asked about how she was able to afford a tattoo and she basically just said ‘I’m always able to scrounge up cash for new tattoos’.”
“I then told her that I’m not bringing her those meals because if she has enough for a new tattoo, she must not be that desperate.”
“She freaked out on me and called me a b*tch and said I was being classist and that poor people are allowed to have nice things.”
“Which I do agree with, but I feel like it doesn’t apply to this situation.”
“But now I feel like an a-hole and my friend is mad at me.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community stood behind the OP, agreeing they were not the a**hole for refusing to help her friend after seeing she got a tattoo.
Everyone agreed that the OP was absolutely right to call out her friend, as it was important for her to understand that she can’t complain about money and then spend it on anything other than a necessity:
“NTA.”
“If she’s ‘always able to scrounge up cash for new tattoos’ she should be able to ‘scrounge up cash’ for food too.”
“It sounds as if she was just giving you a sob story to get something for nothing.”- Wild_Ticket1413
“NTA.”
“Someone truly broke and struggling doesn’t get a tattoo.”
“Those are waaay too expensive for someone allegedly skipping meals.”
“Sounds like she’s selectively broke when it benefits her so she can score some freebies and mooch.”- spambreath
“NTA.”
“She was playing you for free food and empathy.”- ShipComprehensive543
“NTA.”
“Your friend has her priorities screwed up. $180 could buy a lot of food.”
“I got much better at managing my money when I was able to strongly differentiate between needs and wants.”
“For every purchase other than basic food items, I ask myself Do I really need that? ‘”
“Craving a tuna sub from Subway.”
“I think about it and decide it is cheaper to make myself a tuna fish sandwich.”
“Do I really need that new clothing item?”
“Nope I don’t.”
“I am on a fixed income, so I prioritize my spending.”
“Rent is number one.”
“I am blessed because utilities are included at my complex.”
“Cable and Wi-Fi is included for a reasonable monthly fee you pay with the rent.”
“Then food and medical bills etc.”
“Stand firm on your decision.”- Hot-Negotiation-7794
“NTA.”
“This is not a friend.”
“This is a manipulator.”
“It’s there in her reaction.”
“You, also without a lot of extra money, just got called classist and told poor people are allowed to have nice things.”
“You see the manipulation there?”
“Since you have something to give her, you aren’t poor.”
“Only she is allowed to claim the title and that means she’s entitled to your resources.”
“Classic manipulation.”- WhereWeretheAdults
“NTA if she can scrounge up cash for a new tattoos, she can scrounge up money for food.”
“She was taking advantage of the fact she was getting food from you as a way to be reckless with her money.”
“There is nothing classist about this situation, she is now making her poor planning your problem.”- paranormal1364
“Lol you’re apparently classist because you’re unwilling to bail her out of her poor financial decision.”
“NTA.”- Gaberahamj
“NTA.”
“Poor people are allowed to have nice things, sure, but she’s taking advantage of your kindness to buy something that she really didn’t need.”
“$180 is a lot of money when you’re supposedly too poor to afford food.”- Lizm3
“NTA.”
“Tattoos are nice to have, but nobody will die if they have to postpone getting one till their finances are in better shape.”
“I was a mature student at uni.”
“There was a guy having a rant one day about the cost of course books and how skint he was.”
“Totally agreed with him till he said he was going that weekend to his favorite artist to get the rest of his sleeve finished.”
“Umm, no dude.”
“Work out your priorities here.”- Comfortable-One8520
“You’re NTA, and she’s not your friend.”
“Let that trash take itself out of your life.”- LeonaLansing
“NTA.”
“She chose to save her food money for a tattoo.”
“I wouldn’t feel guilty about not giving her food.”- Otherwise-Topic-1791
“How is this classist?”
“The point is that if someone has $180 for a tattoo, you don’t need to sacrifice for them, and they certainly shouldn’t have the audacity to take food out of your mouth.”
“Especially when you responsibly bought food instead, even though you also wanted a tattoo.”
“It’s one thing if you’ve got plenty of money to spare, but that doesn’t appear to be the case here.”
“Huge NTA.”
“Enjoy your meals.”- youjumpIjumpJac
“NTA.”
“If she can pay for a tattoo she can pay for her own food.”- ImpossibleAd7376
“NTA.”
“That’s so irresponsible on her part.”- 1990sbby
“NTA.”
“You don’t guilt trip people and lie that you can’t afford to feed yourself when you have plenty of cash to splurge.”
“And that’s just what $180 is when you claim to have bare cupboards…a SPURGE!”- Unhappy-Quail-2645
“NTA.”
“Even if she hadn’t gotten the tattoo, she seems entitled.”- QueenofNighshade
What far too many people forget when they find themselves in need of help is that they need to put in a little effort to help themselves as well.
Seeing that this friend was spending money she didn’t have on something she might regret in a few years’ time, one can only wonder how many other poor decisions she’s made in her life.
And how many of those poor decisions got her in the position she’s in today?