Anyone living in a shared household is expected to contribute in some way.
However, maintaining a home is usually just one of many priorities and responsibilities.
Making it important for people to know what needs to get done first, or what tasks or duties are the most pressing.
Sometimes clashing with everyone else they share their home with.
Redditor Pretty_Himbo_2942 lived with their mother, his mother's boyfriend, and his mother's boyfriend's son.
During a very busy time in a very important part of his life, the original poster (OP) was putting nearly all of his attention toward one immediate task.
So much so that when the OP's mother asked them to offer some help to her boyfriend's son, the OP flatly refused.
Seeing the tension his decision caused within their household, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for refusing to help my moms boyfriends son with his homework?"
The OP explained why they just didn't have the time to help the son of their mother's boyfriend with his homework:
"I (21 M[ale]) am a uni student in my final year."
"I live with my mom (53 F[emale])."
"Two years ago, her boyfriend (45 M) and his son (12 M) moved in."
"They aren't married yet."
"Anyway, the boyfriend is lowkey a leech."
"He does work, sure, but the second he's home, he's on the couch playing video games."
"Like, hours. my mom and I get into fights about it all the time because I'm the one who ends up picking up the slack."
"She asks me to help with food, dishes, cleaning; meanwhile, he's on the Xbox twiddling his grown-@ss thumbs."
"I'm finishing up university and i have finals coming up."
"I was in my room studying, already crashing out, because HELLO i need this degree. my mom comes in and asks if i can help the 12-year-old with his homework."
"I asked if his dad cant do it, and she said he was away on a work trip (which he was, for a few days), and he just came back, so he needs rest."
"I literally walked out and the guy is sitting on the couch with a headset on."
"I said hes literally doing f*ckall, he can help his own child, which might have been overly petty but I was mad."
"I said i have my own work to do and his actual parent is literally in the same room."
"She got upset and said I'm being selfish and that family helps family."
"But he's not my family."
"He's her boyfriend's kid."
"And the boyfriend is a grown man who can pause his game for an hour to help HIS OWN son."
"I'm not the parent here, and im trying to not fail my degree."
"Now my mom is giving me the silent treatment, and the boyfriend made some passive comment about how I think I'm too good to help."
"I don't think I'm too good, I just think I'm not the f*cking dad."
"But the way theyv'e been acting makes me think im going crazy, and i wanted unviased opinions on this and I lowk also just needed to rant."
"Just to clear some things up: my issue is not with helping, my issue is contributing to the household more than the boyfriend, and helping the child more than his father."
"I have helped the kid a lot, and even taken him to school."
"I don't have the means to move out rn, but I am trying my best to find a way."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for refusing to help the son of his mother's boyfriend with his homework.
Everyone thought that the OP absolutely needed to prioritize his studies, and that the OP's boyfriend needed to be more of a father figure, rather than the third child of the house:
"NTA."
"That’s the dad’s responsibility, not yours."- According-Relation-4
"NTA omg."
"Is there anywhere you can move to for a few weeks while finishing up your year/exams?"
"It will give you a break from this bs and also hopefully give her a wake-up call of what is actually happening."
"If you can’t fully stay somewhere else, stay away as much as possible, work late at the library and only come home to sleep etc."
"I’m sorry she’s putting that a**hole over you, I would be so angry."- ctrlrgsm
"NTA."
"Mom's BF is clearly too good to help his own child with his homework."
"He can create a child, but he can't be asked to be responsible for it."- MossGobbo
"Huge NTA."
"Sounds like she's doing you a favor with the silent treatment, hopefully the leech follows suit."- Legitimate-Curve-346
"NTA."
"The man is literally sitting on the couch with an Xbox headset on, and somehow YOU are the selfish one for wanting to study for your finals?"
"Be serious."
"You aren't saying you'll never help the kid."
"You've already helped him with homework, taken him to school, and contributed around the house."
"You're saying you're tired of being expected to do more than his actual father."- cobaltmossaa
"NTA completely ignore anything boyfriend says about this situation."
"He has no right to criticize you because he is literally making the problem and trying to manipulate you into thinking you need to fix it."
"It seems like your boyfriend is with your mom, hoping she would take care of the kid."
"But now she doesn’t wanna help the kid, and she’s pushing it onto you."
"Real question is, if this kid is only 12, why can’t your mother help him with his homework?"
"Surely it’s not that difficult."
"She just doesn’t wanna do it."- crayonnoodle
"You're NTA, but a word on strategy."
"'I can't do it, Mom, I've got to study, I'm scared I'm going to fail if I don't study more, and I'm already so tired' will get you WAAAY more mileage than 'your boyfriend's being lazy'."
"It won't automatically piss her off, you see. It's also true, you said it to us, it wouldn't be pretending."
"Think about it on a deeper level."
"If the 12-year-old's needs are not your problem, when you're asked to fulfill them, all you technically need to say is no."
"Giving the reason 'I don't have the time or energy for this' is a good thing to add to help smooth over potential bad feelings."
"But what you DON'T need to do is find yourself a sub to do it instead of you!"
"It's not like you're calling out at work and need to find a coworker to take your shift instead of you!"
"No, the problem belongs totally to Not You, here, and you can just not touch it at all."
"The older 2 can decide which one of them it belongs to you, you're not in this game."
"What I'm saying is, your mom doesn't wanna do it, so she tries to pass it to you."
"You try to pass it to the dad--hot potato!"
"He'll pass it to your mom b/c 'work trip, tired,' and your mom will try to pass it back to you."
"Instead, don't catch the hot potato."
"Let it fall on the floor."
"Be evasive and decisive--'sorry, just can't'--something she can't argue with."
"Walk away as soon as you can do that without starting drama."
"She'll have to pick it up b/c no-one else will."
"She's the decision-maker here, she's the one with the power to decide this relationship is too much work and it's time to break it off."
"Let her carry and learn the burden of how much work it really is, and maybe she'll make a good decision."- Crooked-Bird-0
"NTA."
"Absolutely not. He's not your responsibility; your exams are your responsibility."
"Do well, move out, and don't look back."- CamilleYun
"NTA."
"Always love how the entitled, selfish people call others 'selfish' for not doing someone else's job."
"Both of them are so vastly in the wrong."
"You're 'too good to help'; meanwhile, he won't even be a parent to his own child."
"Your mother is giving you the silent treatment like she's still a child herself."
"Both guilt-tripping you into doing their jobs."
"Yikes."
"Wishing you all best on finding a way to move out sooner than later - and maybe a lock for your room to get away from these people."- Joubachi
The OP's mother wasn't wrong; in that family, family should indeed help family.
That being said, the OP is arguably not yet family to his mother's boyfriend or his son, and one would think the OP's boyfriend would be ready and willing to help his son with his homework after being away for an extended period.
It's easy for the OP's mother to defend her boyfriend now, but one wonders how she'll feel when the inevitable time comes that he'll prioritize a video game over her.
