Not everyone celebrates the holidays.
And not everyone likes to decorate, even just for the “fun” of it.
Which is why this particular time of year can be extra stressful for many.
But, if you’re in a relationship with someone who feels the opposite, you may find yourself in a situation of merriment you can’t avoid.
This is something couples may need to take a deeper dives into talking about sooner.
Case in point…
Redditor Iconic_Path3099 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my wife that I will not be helping with her Christmas celebration in any way shape or form just because she’s pregnant?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Just to get this out of the way.”
“I’m not religious… I don’t celebrate any holidays despite my wife doing it every year for entertainment.”
“She loves it, our boys love it so I let them just do their thing.”
“She’s 5 months pregnant.”
“The plan was originally to let her handle all the holiday celebration arrangements like decorating, cooking, preparing gifts and the list is long.”
“But since she’s pregnant the plan has ‘obviously’ changed according to her.”
“Now she’s bugging me about how I’m expected to help and shoulder the burden of the holiday celebration since she can’t do it all on her own like she used to.”
“My response was a no.”
“It’s not just about principles but literally, I’m ignorant when it comes to this stuff.”
“I don’t even know how to properly decorate a tree (I didn’t participate with family growing up).”
“And I sure as heck am not going to waste my time learning to do something that isn’t important.”
“Therefore, I don’t see how I’m gonna be helpful in this situation.”
“I told her I never signed up for this Christmas celebration stuff and that I won’t be helping in any way shape or form just because she’s pregnant.”
“I told her she needed to figure it out, ask family for help or something.”
“She ranted about the kids being robbed of holiday joy and activities and stuff but I literally don’t get what she was saying.”
“I mean I still play with them so I don’t see what she meant by that.”
“She called me a selfish a**hole and said that I’m her partner and should be offering assistance regardless.”
“We went back and forth and back and forth and I flatout asked her to stop bringing it up.”
“She’s been giving me the silent treatment for days and acting like I broke some promise I made which I didn’t.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“I find it surprising that OP found someone who was not only willing to procreate with him, but that after 2.5 kids has not yet left him.”
“Sure you can hide that fact that you are a dull, miserable, selfish person for a while but it seems like OP is pretty open about who he is otherwise he wouldn’t have posted this.”
“How do people like this find partners that aren’t also dull and selfish?”
“It boggles the mind!”
“YTA, OP. You are one lucky, lucky a**hole. In the future, when your wife has left you and your kids no longer spend time with you, don’t be surprised.” ~ DarthMomma_PhD
“Yeah, OP is definitely worse than Scrooge and the Grinch.”
“At least those two changed their ways and helped others in the end.” ~ Lemony_Snicket_10
“This man can not write.”
“He can put words into paragraph form sure, but the amount of errors both spelling and grammatical are numerous and glaring.”
“He can neither write nor hang an ornament, but he can certainly be an AH. OP YTA.” ~ Fort_Wonti
“If you have kids you don’t really need to decorate the tree – you just put it up and let them get on with it.”
“You only do the bits they can’t reach or lift them up to do it.”
“The hardest part of tree decoration is marshalling the inevitable fight about who gets to put the fairy or star on top.” ~ Sufficient_Bag_4551
“To be fair, some people aren’t good at certain types of tasks.”
“My husband is perfectly capable of doing many things well including writing, but decorating a Christmas tree is not one.”
“You should see him try to put on a pillowcase.”
“Since this isn’t about competence but refusal to try, OP, YTA.” ~ REDDIT
“Note how OP doesn’t want to ‘waste his time?'”
“Lol, how precious is he time anyway?”
“He can’t devote time to make his family happy but he does have time to post on Reddit to get validation.”
“Imagine his shock when he gets a unanimous verdict about how much of an a**hole he really is.”
“Damn, all that wasted time.” ~ slowjackal
“I hope to god wife sees this and leaves his miserable butt.”
“YTA OP, a miserable poor excuse for an AH dad and husband.”
“Grinch who? Scrooge who??” ~ nipple_fiesta
“Yeah, it’s not hard.”
“And you’d have to be purposefully blind to not have picked up on some things.”
“Would he do it exactly how she would? No.”
“But she doesn’t want that, she just wants a little relief.”
“As far as things to pick up the slack on, this is one of the better ones.”
“He should be grateful he doesn’t have to take over all the housework or something like that because if his wife was on bed rest, he would have to.” ~ Lanky-Temperature412
“OP sounds emotionally immature and like he probably believes that being nice to your kid is ‘spoiling them.'”
“Parents who refuse to connect with their kid and spend time with them are sending a LOUD message (I am more important than you-I matter more than you-My love/acceptance is conditional).”
“Research into parenting says these types of parents are on guard against emotions and do what they can to stamp out the expression of ‘spontaneous joy’ in children. YTA.” ~ procra5tinating
“Can confirm, my dad was this Dad.”
“I am now irrevocably f**ked up in ways that need years of therapy to undo and I screen all his calls and say only as many words to him as are absolutely socially necessary.”
“YTA OP but the damage is done.”
“Your kids hate you and you’ll never even know because they’ll never feel comfortable enough to come to you with anything.” ~ DonerDonDada
“A pattern that I notice of men like this is that their time is so, so precious and everyone needs to be very accommodating.”
“Their wives’ time however? Not important.”
“She can do all the little menial things like planning holidays, menus, cleaning, kid’s appointments, signing tests and report cards, decorating, buying gifts for family, taking kids to birthday parties, planning their own kid’s birthday parties (I could go on and on).”
“But heaven forbid he spend 20 minutes decorating a tree with his children because of his precious time.”
“My ex was like this and it is why I am single and so much happier. YTA 100%.” ~ Maybe_Warm
“Quick question OP: have you always hated your wife and kids?”
“Let me paint perspective- Christmas was always terrible for me growing up, a lot of trauma there.”
“Like you, it meant nothing to me.”
“Then at 19 year old on Dec 21st I got a call that my dear friend died in a car accident during the night.”
“You could pretty much call me the grinch after that.”
“And then at 25, I met my wife.”
“She loves the holidays, all of them.”
“So we celebrate and I help her put up lights and the tree and we get peppermint hot coco because at the end of the day it’s about seeing her sparkle.”
“It’s about that warm feeling of family and love.”
“Do I think it’s a little silly that we’re putting so much money and energy into what’s going to last less than a month? I do.”
“But damn she would never know bc though it’s silly to me it pales in comparison to the memories we get to make as a family.”
“Now either get that tree up or find someone who does care enough about your family to help your kids and pregnant wife.” ~ Scumbucket22
“I mean, with small children, you can literally just throw ornaments on the tree and they are happy.”
“My toddler did the tree this year, one small section has all the ornaments.”
“He’s very pleased with himself.”
“My present wrapping is always terrible, I never remember to buy gift tags, I just had to look up a recipe for sugar cookies, then had to call my mom for cookie cutters.”
“Holidays are beautiful chaos.”
“A whirlwind of adventure, memories, new traditions and fun.”
“Also, I have been pregnant.”
“If your wife can spend the better part of a year building a whole a** human, you can figure out Christmas.”
“OP, YTA. Get the stick out of your a**.” ~ the_saradoodle
“We still pretty much throw the ornaments at the tree.”
“There is no order, they go wherever they go.”
“And, honestly who the hell cares.”
“It’s not like someone is going to call the tree decorating police.”
“It’s just that OP is an AH and doesn’t seem to care about his families happiness.” ~ Traditional_Owl_1038
Well OP, Reddit is pretty loud and clear.
It maybe time to do some holiday soul searching.
Otherwise this could become a very grim New Year.