When visiting others’ homes, we might often notice things that are not to our tastes or preferences.
Or, even worse, things that leave us uncomfortable or unsettled.
As this isn’t our home, we usually do our best to ignore the offending item and keep our words to ourselves.
For some people, unfortunately, that simply isn’t possible.
Redditor CameraInTheSea recently purchased an item for their home after seeing how much it pleased their wife.
Unfortunately, when the original poster (OP)’s parents’ came to visit, their mother had a highly negative reaction to this addition.
While the OP’s father made several requests to move or cover it, the OP refused.
After being scolded by their father, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not removing a statue from the backyard while my mom was visiting because it upsets her?”
The OP explained why a recently purchased statue put them somewhat at odds with their parents:
“My wife Cece and I live across the country from my family, so my parents have not spent a lot of time out here.”
“This past Christmas mom and dad treated themselves to a trip out here for two weeks.”
“A few years ago Home Depot was selling plastic statues of a folk saint called Santa Muerte.”
“Cece likes her and built an outdoor altar where she leaves offerings and can hang out.”
“Her mom also liked the saint, and I think this is something that connects them after her death.”
“There are a lot of ideas and associations with SM.”
“Drugs and bad groups have co opted her as their symbol, but she does not belong to them.”
“She is a figure for weirdos and outcasts of all kinds.”
“But still the bad associations do exist.”
“A lot of it is media hype.”
“My parents were here for a whole 2 days before Mom noticed the statue.”
“When she did, she said ‘Oh!’ like she was scared and went back in the house.”
“She kept looking nervously out the kitchen window.”
“Then she asked if we could take it out and hide it because it scares her.”
“I said no, that’s Cece’s, and it’s just a statue.”
“Mom had Dad ask me to move it.”
“Again, I said no.”
“For the rest of the trip, Mom refused to go in the back yard and wouldn’t even stand near the windows where you can see it.”
“She would make a big show of turning her back to the window.”
“When they were leaving, my dad told me that he was disappointed in me for not caring that my poor mom felt scared the whole trip.”
“I said it was rude of him to expect me to cover up something that means this much to Cece, and that it was just a statue.”
“It is in no way scary to look at.”
“We are also NOT a religious family.”
“I was not baptized or anything and have gone to church like twice.”
“I am wondering if I am the a**hole for not accommodating my mom since they came all the way out here for once.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to cover or move their statue.
While some understood and acknowledged the statue’s cultural significance, everyone otherwise agreed that the OP’s mother was being childish at making such a big deal out of the statue:
“NTA.”
“I can see why a Santa Muerte statue could be startling, especially to non-Mexicans, Mexican cultures have a very different way of thinking about death than most Anglos do.”
“But she was being dramatic, it’s just a statue, and she remained ‘frightened’ of it for weeks?”
“That’s a call for attention.”
“And your dad is accustomed to catering to it.”
“Your home, your decor, your shrine. If she was that frightened by a statue perhaps she should have left, or stayed in a hotel.”- MarionberryPlus8474
“NTA.”
“1. It’s your house.”
“2. Why is a grown woman afraid of a statue?”- Physical-Rabbit-3809
“NTA.”
“Your house.”
“Your wife uses it for her own spirituality.”
“Would your mother have you hide a statue of the Buddha if your wife were Buddhist?”- srgonzo75
“NTA.”
“Mom is performing and expecting you to cave in with the likely respect your elders arguments and the like.”
“Stick to your guns and remind her she need no longer visit you if it upsets her so much, or she can just get over herself.”- parodytx
“NTA, it’s your home and your wife’s home.”
“Your mother was being manipulative by spending two weeks making a scene over a statue.”
“Instead of asking questions and trying to learn more about the meaning to her daughter-in-law to lessen her fear, she decided to make it about her and made everyone uncomfortable.”
“Additionally, your dad probably only said something because she wouldn’t stop complaining to him and now he’s also going to hear about all the way home and is annoyed.”
“He would rather you placate your mother to keep the peace, the way he probably does, and that’s not your job.”- I_Have_Notes
“NTA, tell your mom to grow up shes not 12 anymore.”- analogascension
“NTA.”
“It’s your house and your backyard.”
“If it were a statue mocking your mother’s religion or something, then I think it would be polite to put it away while she visited.”
“But it’s not.”
“Your mother is being ridiculous.”
“Enjoy your statue.”- EvilHRLady
“NTA.”
“Performative theatrics over statues is bizarre behavior for an adult.”
“Usually you only see the religious zealots doing that kind of stuff.”
“Tell Mom and Dad to grow up.”- DropstoneTed
“NTA.”
“One of my family members has one like that too.”
“Anyway, the idea of hiding the statue is kind of funny — your mother would know that Santa Muerte is somewhere and she couldn’t keep tabs.”
“I know it could be an out of sight out of mind thing, but it’s just a thought.”- paul_rudds_drag_race
“NTA.”
“This is not their home, it is yours, and they’re violating the sanctuary by behaving this way.”-Realistic-Weird-4259
“NTA.”
“I would’ve sent them to a hotel.”
“Your mom is an immature child and a rude guest.”
“This is in no way rude on your part or your fault whatsoever.”
“What an exhausting performance she put on.”- ChiWhiteSox24
“NTA.”
“It’s your house that you graciously hosted them in.”
“They could have stayed in a hotel.”- a_girl_has_no_nameee
“NTA.”
“Your parents were the AH.”- k23_k23
“NTA.”
“If your mom is so scared of a statue standing outside the house, that’s her problem to deal with.”
“She’s not a five year old, and it’s not like the statue is in her bedroom or whatever.”
“Very silly.”- Antique-Captain-2593
“NTA.”
“I will never agree to having to change your home for guests.”
“It’s not their space, but yours and your wife’s.”
“I can’t imagine asking my mom to take down her crosses because religious imagery bothers me.”-danniperson
“NTA.”
“Does your mom have a history of making what look like reasonable, but are actually very inconvenient, demands?”
“This would strike me as one of those times.”
“It seems like a small ask, but it’s actually an overstep.”
“Your house, your rules.”
“But since your mom is used to a different power dynamic between you as mother and child, she might make requests another person would feel embarrassed to do.”- VictrolaBK
“NTA.”
“It’s your home.”
“If they didn’t like it then they needed to stay somewhere else.”
“I think that they feel like they are still in control of you like you were a kid.”
“They need to realize that you are an adult and will do things your way.”– Deep-Okra1461
“NTA.”
“Your house, your rules.”
“If they have a problem, they can head out.”- BigBellyThickThighs
“NTA.”
“Perhaps the statue reminded your Mother and reinforced her fears about her own mortality.”
“Asking for anything to be removed from a place that’s being visited is odd to me and overly dramatic.”- Sweet_Buy_4908
“NTA.”
“Visitors have to respect the place they’re visiting.”
“You would have been ta if you’ve had it removed or covered.”- Practical-Bunch1450
“NTA.”
“your parents really need to grow up.”
“While it holds no significance to you and your family, it holds significance to Cece and that’s all the justification you need for it being there.”
“Your parents were rude to ask after the initial no and are poor guests if your dad is going to try and lecture you about it.”
“Your house, your rules.”- MidsummerZania
It’s understandable why the OP’s mother found the statue frightening or unsettling.
Even so, as the Reddit community has pointed out, it was a statue, her child’s statue.
Considering nearly all parents teach their children to face their fears and discern what is imaginary and what is real, one would think the OP’s parents might have tried to lead a little bit more by example.