We often surprise ourselves by the things to which we hold sentimental value.
Some things are indeed precious in every sense of the word, while other things might seem inconsequential to others, but matter more to us than anyone else could possibly comprehend.
We often don’t want to share these precious things with others, sometimes even preferring they don’t touch them.
Even if these same people don’t always see what the big deal about borrowing these things really is.
A recent Redditor was looking forward to her sister’s upcoming wedding.
However, when her sister’s fiancée asked if they could use an item belonging to the original poster (OP)’s late father during the wedding, the OP flatly refused.
A refusal that did not go over well with the OP’s sister or her sister’s fiancée, both of them even going so far as to call the OP “spiteful”.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not allowing my sister’s fiancé to use my late father’s guitar during their wedding, despite his belief that I’m being spiteful?”
The OP explained why she was in a less than sharing mood when it came to a certain heirloom of her father’s:
“My dad died three years ago.”
“He was a guitarist who played a single guitar every day and left it behind.”
“I grew up watching father make songs with it, so it holds a lot of sentimental value for me.”
“It’s also essentially the last tangible item I own of him.”
“Next month is my younger sister’s (26 F[emale]) wedding, as her maid of honor I have been assisting her with everything, from organizing to covering some expenses because she is on a tight budget.”
“Her fiancé (30 M[ale]) requested a few weeks ago if he could use my dad’s guitar to play a song at the wedding.”
“I declined since the guitar is priceless, delicate and to be honest I’m afraid anything might happen to it.”
“I don’t know if they hold it to much significant as I do so I proposed renting a comparable guitar or even bringing it so he could pose for pictures with it.”
“They both got upset and said I’m being ‘spiteful’ and ‘making the wedding about me’.”
“My sister cried and told me it would mean a lot to have dad’s guitar there for the song.”
“I feel awful but I just… can’t risk it.”
“Dad’s guitar isn’t replaceable.”
“Now half my family thinks I’m selfish for not ‘sharing Dad’s memory’ and some cousins have even said they’d ‘never say no if it was their sibling’s wedding’.”
“I’m still attending the wedding, still helping, but my sister barely talks to me.”
“AITA for refusing to let them use my dad’s guitar?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, they generally agreed that the OP was the a**hole for refusing to let her sister’s fiancé use her father’s guitar at her wedding.
Many felt that the OP wasn’t thinking of her sister’s feelings, and was ignoring how much hearing their late father’s guitar at her wedding would mean to her:
“YTA, your dad’s guitar is also her dad’s guitar.”
“Additionally, guitars are meant to be played.”
“I have a feeling if he was a musician he would want his guitar to be played instead of sitting in a closet.”
“You’re holding them back from having a meaningful experience, shame on you.”
“Especially considering, and I hope it doesn’t happen, your house could go down in flames tomorrow and it could be gone.”- adventuresofViolet
“Ehhh… YTA.”
“He was her father too.”
“This sounds like a really loving tribute to your dad. I’m sure the guitar has a case and you could keep it in there until the song and put it right back.”
“Is your mom still alive?”
“If so, enlist her or another trusted relative to keep an eye on the case until you can secure it in your car.”- happy4clappy
“Did he specifically leave it to you?”
“Or did you just decide you were keeping it?”
“And he was her Dad too and the guitar may mean just as much to her.”
“Did her fiancé know your Dad?”
“You could ‘audition’ the fiancé at home to see how he handles the guitar, if he treats it respectfully then why not?”
“You could literally hand it to him when its time for the song, and then take it back straight away – I hardly think playing one song on it means it’s getting wrecked.”
“You say its delicate, why?”
“How old is it?”
“My mum played every day on one guitar for about 30 years and it was fine.”
“Based on your post I’m leaning towards YTA.”- marugirl
“YTA.”
“Do you play the guitar?”
“Can you play at the wedding?”
“Your dad played it every day and I’d imagine if he was alive he’d use it to play a song at his daughter’s wedding.”
“I’d imagine a man that connected to music would want to share the music from his prized instrument with his loved ones.”
“What exactly are you worried might happen?”
“Does your BIL play well?”
“Do you think he’s going to break something just with normal use?”
“There’s no reason you can’t keep it under your control up until the moment he plays it and then take it back.”
“You are trying to fiercely protect a physical objects to hold onto your dad, but that’s not where your dad’s spirit is, it’s in the music that comes from those strings.”
“It’s reasonably that your sister wants to feel his presence at her wedding and that means hearing his guitar, not taking a picture next to it.”- Helpful_Ad_6582
“I mean.”
“Kind of?”
“I understand the sentimental value it holds for you, but I’m sure it holds the same value to your sister.”
“He was her dad too, and it may be a sweet way to have him included in the ceremony since he won’t be there in person to do the fatherly duties, such as walking her down the aisle and the father daughter dance.”
“I don’t want to say you’re the AH but at the same time I think it would be a very sweet thing for you to allow and you haven’t really given any examples to explain why you think anything would happen to it.”
“YTA.”- coffeequeen1738
Others, however, understood why the OP was hesitant to allow her sister’s fiancée, use the guitar, but still felt that she was being a bit too overprotective of it.
“What do you think is going to happen?”
“You proposed bringing it for photos so you don’t have a problem having it there.”
“Do you think he’s going to smash it at the end of the song?”
“If you can keep track of it for photos, can’t you keep track of it for him to play it?”
“If your dad were alive, would he consider it too ‘delicate’ to play or would he still be playing it daily?”
“Would he have wanted to play it himself for her wedding?”
“This is a NAH situation, but do some soul searching about what you’re keeping from your sister on her special day, how your dad would feel about it, and the long term resentment that’s sure to follow.”- geckotatgirl
“NAH but musical instruments need to be played or they deteriorate.”
“It seems like the musician in your dad would want his guitar to be played for his daughter.”
“Maybe the groom could come to your house record the song on the guitar and play the recording at the ceremony.”
“That way it wouldn’t have to leave your house.”
“And please have a luthier check out the guitar.”- Sea_Firefighter_4598
While a few sympathized with the OP and understood why she had trouble lending her sister’s fiancé the guitar.
“NTA.’
“But some other comments I do agree with.”
“I lost my mom almost 4 years ago and while I want to preserve and hold onto all of her favorite things I also want to use them and have my own memories made with these items that meant so much to her.”
“If I happen to break something then I will continue on with life, if it’s irreplaceable I may fix it at least to be a decorative item with sentimental value if it can no longer be used.”
“I have my grandmother’s collection of glass figures and if anyone asked to borrow the collection for some reason I would definitely hesitate they are not meant to be used.”
“I also have my step dads collection of fishing rods and if any family member wants to borrow one I will say yes with little hesitation because they are meant to be used.”
“Both people were very important to me and loved these things very much it’s a very case by case situation.”- Soap_on_a_potato
As the guitar is one of the most important memories the OP has of her father, it’s understandable why she’d be protective of it.
That being said, her late father was his sister’s father as well, and it’s more than understandable why she would want her father commemorated at her wedding.
Perhaps after a civil conversation, the OP might come to realize this, and let her father be present at her sister’s wedding through music.