Splitting assets after a divorce can be amicable or contentious.
If there’s animosity, having assets requiring a sale dangling over the exes’ heads can cause years of tension after the divorce is finalized.
A former spouse dealing with their ex’s demands turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Hideious asked:
“AITA for refusing to sell my house to a landlord?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I bought a fixer-upper in my 20s with my now ex. I bought him out, but agreed to give him back his portion of the deposit he paid upon sale whenever that may be.”
“We remained friends as we’ve known each other since childhood. Regardless of that, I still plan to stick to my work 8 years later.”
“I told him I was in the process of selling the house, he asked me if I had any offers, and I told him yeah, but from a few landlords.”
“I didn’t think that needed further explanation because he knows full well how I feel about landlords buying up starter homes in lower-income areas, and how strongly I felt about turning this house into a home for myself and the next occupants.”
“He’s absolutely furious at me for not going for a quick sale because he wants his measly £5k back now. I told him no way, and tried to remind him of all the offers we made on starter homes that just got swept up by landlords.”
“It was devastating, and we almost lost all hope of getting on the property ladder. None of them wanted this one because it needed so much work.”
“He’s blowing my phone up, and told my parent,s who are more gently telling me to just go for the easy sale, but I’m in no rush to move and want all my hard work to go to a family instead of someone’s business.”
“AITA?”
The OP later added:
“Giving him the £5K specifically from the sale has been discussed over messages many times in the past. If I just give him £5k now, he could still say I owe him from the sale of the house.”
“Getting him out was a nightmare, as he can be pretty nasty. Most of the time he’s fine, but he suddenly switches and ‘goes to war’ with people.”
“Technically, I don’t owe him any cash at all. I paid him for all the equity he had in this house. I stupidly agreed to it honestly just to convince him to leave.”
“He has on-and-off gambling and drug issues, so, based on his current attitude, one of those things is taking the lead.”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“I’m refusing to sell my house to a landlord so my ex won’t get his money back as fast.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“Sorry, he isn’t your friend, and he doesn’t respect you or even seem to care about you.”
“Grey rock and distance yourself. Every bit of cooperation you give is a lever he uses to treat you badly and disrespect you.”
“You keep looking for the magic words or magic approach that will make him behave decently. There is no magic anything, because he doesn’t want to be decent.”
“Expect the worst. Prepare for it.” ~ sezit
“We live in a ‘starter home’ neighborhood and had some really great neighbors for a while. Owner-occupied, did the landscaping, met all the neighbors. They had the chance to buy a bigger house near their parents, so they put the one by us on the market.”
“They had a buyer in about a week, someone who wrote them a nice letter about their young family, about how excited they were to finally own their own home and be near an elementary school for their kids….”
“A month later, people are moving in. ‘Congratulations on buying your first home!’ I say as I walk across the lawn to meet them.”
“‘Oh, we’re just renting,’ they say.”
“The letter was a LIE from the landlord who knows people don’t want them buying up everything.” ~ quietlysitting
“NTA. You agreed to pay him £5k when you sell the house. When, or how that happens, isn’t part of the agreement, and this he has no say over it.”
“For your own sanity, I would recommend not involving your ex in the process at all until you close on a sale and need to give him the £5k. No updates on offers, showings, interest, etc…”
“The house is yours, not his or your parents. You do what you want.” ~ RIPRIF20
“My question is, why in the world are you telling him anything at all when he is an ex who is known for going to war with people, and you ‘technically’ don’t owe him money? He should be on a strict information diet, and now you know why.” ~ pay_student_loan
“NTA. You don’t owe a landlord a sale, and you don’t owe your ex instant cash. You’re selling responsibly and sticking to your values, nothing wrong with that.” ~ This-Firefighter8673
Several Redditors offered the OP sound advice on extricating themself from their ex now.
“Get something in writing from an attorney that he gives up any claim on the house in exchange for the 5k. Give the money, be done with him, sell to whomever you want.” ~ jimfish98
“Invest a few hundred in lawyer’s fees and get a formal agreement drafted that this is the 5K he is entitled to, paid in advance of the sale of the house rather than after.”
“It’s not complicated. You say he can be nasty, but he wants a quick sale so he can get his money, so he has every incentive to agree to this because he gets his money now.” ~ Alien-lifeform666
Although some questioned whether a lawyer was even necessary.
“Honestly, while I’m sure a signed document saying it’s paid in full would make you feel better, I don’t see how a Venmo or PayPal with the note ‘reimbursement for 5k deposit on house’ wouldn’t be legally enough to fulfill your promise.”
“If he kept bugging you for money after that, I’d just block him. Like, you don’t need a lawyer to pay someone back. Money is fungible. It doesn’t matter where the money comes from; he’s paid back, and he can leave you alone.”
“I think he’s warped your sense of normalcy and made you think that if he asks for something, you’re obligated to do it. In no world are you going to give him 5k and then he’s going to be legally entitled to an extra 5k even if you don’t go to a lawyer.”
“There’s no way you would be forced to give him 10k total. If someone is manipulating and guilting you you don’t give them money, you block them and call the police for harassment if they keep contacting you.” ~ VastEqual1367
“Type up an agreement stating ‘I, (your legal name), am paying Jacka** (his legal name) the sum of £5,000, which was provided by Jacka** for a down payment on the property at X (full address). The payment is to repay Jacka** for the portion of the down payment he provided and to buy out any legal interest Jacka** has in said property. The payment is being made via a personal bank check #X from X (name, address, and phone # of your bank) from the personal account of X (your legal name) and made out to Jacka**. Once this check is handed to Jacka**, Jacka** has no interest legal or otherwise in the listed property’.”
“Make four lines underneath the statement, two on each side. Type your legal name, Jacka**’s legal name, and then do 2 witnesses. I would recommend one of your friends and one of his, and do the same with their names, but also list their address and phone #.”
“Then look up the signature page for notaries in your county and type that out. All 4 of you go to a notary and have it notarized. DO NOT have anyone sign the document until you are in front of the notary and then have the notary make Jacka** a copy.”
“It will also be recorded in the notary’s journal that the 2 of you came in to have a document notarized, which would be even more evidence, along with your personal check and the witnesses that you paid him and what the payment was for.”
“Obviously, hand him the check there at the notary’s office. Most banks have notaries on staff, and if you do not have an account with the bank, it only costs a few dollars to get documents notarized.”
“I’m not a lawyer by the way, just sold quite a bit of joint property and always did it this way and never had any issues, and I have been involved with some real vindictive morons. Good luck.” ~ Beautiful_Sweet_8686
The OP has been presented with several paths forward.
Hopefully, one works out for them.