Splitting assets after a divorce can be amicable or contentious.
If there's animosity, having assets requiring a sale dangling over the exes' heads can cause years of tension after the divorce is finalized.
A former spouse dealing with their ex's demands turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Hideious asked:
"AITA for refusing to sell my house to a landlord?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I bought a fixer-upper in my 20s with my now ex. I bought him out, but agreed to give him back his portion of the deposit he paid upon sale whenever that may be."
"We remained friends as we've known each other since childhood. Regardless of that, I still plan to stick to my work 8 years later."
"I told him I was in the process of selling the house, he asked me if I had any offers, and I told him yeah, but from a few landlords."
"I didn't think that needed further explanation because he knows full well how I feel about landlords buying up starter homes in lower-income areas, and how strongly I felt about turning this house into a home for myself and the next occupants."
"He's absolutely furious at me for not going for a quick sale because he wants his measly £5k back now. I told him no way, and tried to remind him of all the offers we made on starter homes that just got swept up by landlords."
"It was devastating, and we almost lost all hope of getting on the property ladder. None of them wanted this one because it needed so much work."
"He's blowing my phone up, and told my parent,s who are more gently telling me to just go for the easy sale, but I'm in no rush to move and want all my hard work to go to a family instead of someone's business."
"AITA?"
The OP later added:
"Giving him the £5K specifically from the sale has been discussed over messages many times in the past. If I just give him £5k now, he could still say I owe him from the sale of the house."
"Getting him out was a nightmare, as he can be pretty nasty. Most of the time he's fine, but he suddenly switches and 'goes to war' with people."
"Technically, I don't owe him any cash at all. I paid him for all the equity he had in this house. I stupidly agreed to it honestly just to convince him to leave."
"He has on-and-off gambling and drug issues, so, based on his current attitude, one of those things is taking the lead."
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"I'm refusing to sell my house to a landlord so my ex won't get his money back as fast."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"Sorry, he isn't your friend, and he doesn't respect you or even seem to care about you."
"Grey rock and distance yourself. Every bit of cooperation you give is a lever he uses to treat you badly and disrespect you."
"You keep looking for the magic words or magic approach that will make him behave decently. There is no magic anything, because he doesn't want to be decent."
"Expect the worst. Prepare for it." ~ sezit
"We live in a 'starter home' neighborhood and had some really great neighbors for a while. Owner-occupied, did the landscaping, met all the neighbors. They had the chance to buy a bigger house near their parents, so they put the one by us on the market."
"They had a buyer in about a week, someone who wrote them a nice letter about their young family, about how excited they were to finally own their own home and be near an elementary school for their kids...."
"A month later, people are moving in. 'Congratulations on buying your first home!' I say as I walk across the lawn to meet them."
"'Oh, we're just renting,' they say."
"The letter was a LIE from the landlord who knows people don't want them buying up everything." ~ quietlysitting
"NTA. You agreed to pay him £5k when you sell the house. When, or how that happens, isn't part of the agreement, and this he has no say over it."
"For your own sanity, I would recommend not involving your ex in the process at all until you close on a sale and need to give him the £5k. No updates on offers, showings, interest, etc..."
"The house is yours, not his or your parents. You do what you want." ~ RIPRIF20
"My question is, why in the world are you telling him anything at all when he is an ex who is known for going to war with people, and you 'technically' don't owe him money? He should be on a strict information diet, and now you know why." ~ pay_student_loan
"NTA. You don't owe a landlord a sale, and you don't owe your ex instant cash. You're selling responsibly and sticking to your values, nothing wrong with that." ~ This-Firefighter8673
Several Redditors offered the OP sound advice on extricating themself from their ex now.
"Get something in writing from an attorney that he gives up any claim on the house in exchange for the 5k. Give the money, be done with him, sell to whomever you want." ~ jimfish98
"Invest a few hundred in lawyer's fees and get a formal agreement drafted that this is the 5K he is entitled to, paid in advance of the sale of the house rather than after."
"It's not complicated. You say he can be nasty, but he wants a quick sale so he can get his money, so he has every incentive to agree to this because he gets his money now." ~ Alien-lifeform666
Although some questioned whether a lawyer was even necessary.
"Honestly, while I'm sure a signed document saying it's paid in full would make you feel better, I don't see how a Venmo or PayPal with the note 'reimbursement for 5k deposit on house' wouldn't be legally enough to fulfill your promise."
"If he kept bugging you for money after that, I'd just block him. Like, you don't need a lawyer to pay someone back. Money is fungible. It doesn't matter where the money comes from; he's paid back, and he can leave you alone."
"I think he's warped your sense of normalcy and made you think that if he asks for something, you're obligated to do it. In no world are you going to give him 5k and then he's going to be legally entitled to an extra 5k even if you don't go to a lawyer."
"There's no way you would be forced to give him 10k total. If someone is manipulating and guilting you you don't give them money, you block them and call the police for harassment if they keep contacting you." ~ VastEqual1367
"Type up an agreement stating 'I, (your legal name), am paying Jacka** (his legal name) the sum of £5,000, which was provided by Jacka** for a down payment on the property at X (full address). The payment is to repay Jacka** for the portion of the down payment he provided and to buy out any legal interest Jacka** has in said property. The payment is being made via a personal bank check #X from X (name, address, and phone # of your bank) from the personal account of X (your legal name) and made out to Jacka**. Once this check is handed to Jacka**, Jacka** has no interest legal or otherwise in the listed property'."
"Make four lines underneath the statement, two on each side. Type your legal name, Jacka**'s legal name, and then do 2 witnesses. I would recommend one of your friends and one of his, and do the same with their names, but also list their address and phone #."
"Then look up the signature page for notaries in your county and type that out. All 4 of you go to a notary and have it notarized. DO NOT have anyone sign the document until you are in front of the notary and then have the notary make Jacka** a copy."
"It will also be recorded in the notary's journal that the 2 of you came in to have a document notarized, which would be even more evidence, along with your personal check and the witnesses that you paid him and what the payment was for."
"Obviously, hand him the check there at the notary's office. Most banks have notaries on staff, and if you do not have an account with the bank, it only costs a few dollars to get documents notarized."
"I'm not a lawyer by the way, just sold quite a bit of joint property and always did it this way and never had any issues, and I have been involved with some real vindictive morons. Good luck." ~ Beautiful_Sweet_8686
The OP has been presented with several paths forward.
Hopefully, one works out for them.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.