At one stage in our lives we’ve all likely done something that we didn’t love in an effort to fit in or seem cool to others.
Sometimes, doing so might have ended up paying off, as it possibly resulted in lasting friendships or discovering a new hobby.
Other times, it might have become crystal clear very early on that giving in to peer pressure wasn’t worth it on any level.
Thankfully, as we get older, it becomes very clear to us when something isn’t a good idea, no matter the consequences.
Redditor Lavishness-Effective and his colleagues were given a somewhat odd request by a customer at work.
While one of the original poster (OP)’s colleagues was fully game for this request and went so far as to volunteer the OP and his other colleagues, the OP was not at all comfortable going through with it.
Resulting in his being called a “spoilsport”.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to catcall a customer’s wife even though he asked us to?”
The OP explained why they didn’t feel comfortable fulfilling a customer’s request:
“I (32 M[ale]) work as a cook in a restaurant with an open kitchen, so guest can see us and even talk to us while we work.”
“Two days ago while things were slow a guy walks past our station and asked us for a ‘favor’.”
“He tells us his wife would be walking by in a few minutes and he wanted us to catcall her while she walked past.”
“Stuff like whistling and telling us she looks good.”
“There are three of us on the stations at the time.”
“Me I’m black, a hispanic guy and a white guy.”
“Before I could even process what he was asking me the white guy speaks up and says ‘Yeah man, we got you’.”
“After the customer left, me and the other cook approached the white cook who had agreed and told him we were not comfortable with what he had agreed to and that we were not going to do it.”
“He got mad and said we already agreed but we reminders him no we didn’t he agreed, before he could reply a server came and told us the guys wife was about to walk by.”
“I guess the server who took him to his seat told the other servers what was happening.”
“A few minutes later his wife walks by and honestly she was gorgeous.”
“She was basically walking like she was on a runway and it was pretty obvious she knew what her husband had asked us to do because she was smiling the whole way to her table, But only the white cook who had agreed was whistling and cheering.”
“Me and the other just stay quiet and kept working.”
“Once she sat down, the cook who did it and some of the servers who knew the about the ‘plan’ actually got on our case.”
“They said we were spoilsports and made the whole thing awkward by not joining in.”
“But I just didn’t fell comfortable as a Black man catcalling a white woman in a public place and felt it was totally different situation for me than my white coworker.”
“Now the vibe in the kitchen is weird because they think we were being too serious.”
“Am I the a**hole here for just staying silent.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to catcall a customer’s wife.
Everyone agreed that not only could following through with this proposal have gotten him in more trouble, but he was also just being a good person, and not a spoilsport:
“NTA.”
“Very easy way to get fired.”- MichaelAndolini_
“YOU DO NOT. HAVE TO PARTICIPATE IN OTHER PEOPLE’S KINK!!”
“Resounding NTA!”
“That whole situation was weird.”
“Always follow your instincts when it can be twisted out of perspective into nefarious.”- NonnyOne
“NTA.”
“That was a strange request and you are not obligated to honor it.”
“They’ll get over it.”- colorfulimpressed
“You’re paid to make their food, not be their entertainment.”
“NTA.”
“You made the right call.”
“Too much can go wrong.”
“And your dignity is still intact.”- Beautiful_Arm8364
“NTA, consent works both ways.”
“Also a husband can’t consent on behalf of his wife.”- Madea_onFire
“NTA.”
“This is weird AF and sounds like a trap.”
‘I wouldn’t do it either.”
“Like, is this a strip club or some trashy place?”
“Because, I don’t see this happening at a normal restaurant because it makes the place look bad to have their workers cat call women.”
“Sure the wife was in on it but as another customer, I’d be grossed out.”- DetectiveClear6734
“NTA.”
“The CUSTOMER may have asked you to harass his wife, but SHE didn’t consent to the harassment.”
“You’re not comfortable with harassing someone.”
“NTA.”- SunshineSeriesB
“NTA.”
“You didn’t consent to being a part of their kink.”
“The request was rude and your white coworker pressuring you further was weird.”- PrancingPudu
“It’s all fun and games until she reports harassment.”
“NTA.”- Delta9THICC
“NTA.”
“You didn’t consent to being a part of their kink.”
“The request was rude and your white coworker pressuring you further was weird.”- PrancingPudu
“You are not obligated to join in anyone’s kink.”
“Absolutely NTA.”- tammigirl6767
“NTA.”
“Absolutely and unequivocally not the a**hole.”
“Anyone calling you a ‘spoilsport’ is disgustingly ignorant of the history of racial violence in the USA.”
“If Emmett Till hadn’t been falsely accused of catcalling a white woman in 1955, he might still be alive today.”
“He would be 85 years old. we are literally within living memory of children being lynched and murdered because of white patriarchy protecting its female property.”
“I find your coworker’s request to be a direct disrespect to Emmett Till’s name and memory, as well as to the memories of countless others who have suffered needlessly for the white man’s entertainment and ego.”
“I’m sure he wasn’t seeing it as that deep. because that is his privilege. no one is making him take it serious.”
“That’s literally one of the biggest ways that white privilege functions in America today.”
“White people are literally living in a different world than poc.”
“They get to be individuals. he gets to close his eyes to the reality that you live in. it’s f*cked up.”
“I’m sorry you’re dealing with this at work.”
“2026 has seen a lot of progress since 1955 but not nearly enough.”- imjustapersontoo
“NTA.”
“What an uncomfortable and immature setup.”
“I’m glad two of you stayed true to yourselves.”
“Well handled.”- SuperflyandApplePie
“NTA.”
“I’m not saying it would’ve ended bad.”
“It might have been fun, but the risk to reward was simply too high.”
“Easy way to get fired, with no ability to fight it.”- Dragonpantsow
“NTA, you have no idea what the point of this stunt was for, and its perfectly reasonable to be reticent to engage with it, especially with the current climate around race.”
“Best case, you’re unwillingly engaging in some kink without consent.”
“Worst case, someone’s baiting you for social media engagement bait, in the hope to clip you and your other friend so they can make some ‘look at these people harassing this poor woman’.”
“Theres… a lot of this stuff going around at the moment from grifters trying to stoke tension for views and money.”- Apprehensive_Low4865
“NTA.”
“The guy with the request was free to go hire some actors to help fulfill that desire for attention.”
“So many weirdos involved here.”- paul_rudds_drag_race
“NTA.”
“It’s a really f*cking rude and creepy thing to do, so you’re right not to do it from the outset, just on the most basic level.”
“She may not be in on it and might be upset.”
“This a**hole may have a camera and want to stir up trouble without the context of the request, whether for TikTok views or whatever or to sue for harassment or both.”
“You have no way to know.”
“The safe thing to do is not participate.”
“Just don’t.”
“You and the one other guy did the right thing.”- PinkNGreenFluoride
“NTA, You didn’t know for sure that the wife was going to be in the loop or not.”
“I wouldn’t have done that either as it’s pretty inappropriate to do at face value and not everyone will see this as ok behavior.”- National-Report-5473
“NTA.”
“You weren’t comfortable, end of story.”- Gertrude_D
“NTA, you’re a cook, not a professional cat caller.”
“Could also open you up to a sexual harassment law suit, if you’re not careful.”- Ancient-Internal-270
Even though the saying goes “the customer is always right”, there are definitely exceptions to that rule.
Especially when the customer’s behavior borders or crude and tasteless.
If treating a customer with the respect and kindness she deserved makes the OP a spoilsport in his colleagues’ eyes, maybe it’s time he found a new place of work…