When a friend asks for our help, our first inclination is to offer it.
Most of the time, we feel good at the end of the day for doing so, knowing that we got our friend out of a bind and made a difference in their lives in the long run.
However, sometimes we aren’t prepared for the sort of help our friends were looking for.
Occasionally, we find ourselves less than inclined to continue offering said help.
Redditor RavenFeather98 was initially happy to help a friend pursue a new professional aspiration.
However, with the passage of time, the original poster (OP)’s friend steadily began to expect more and more help than she was able to give.
Finally telling her friend she could no longer continue helping her.
After being called “selfish” by her friend for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to keep helping my friend with her side hustle after she started treating me like an unpaid employee?”
The OP explained why she felt she couldn’t continue helping her friend with a business venture:
“I (28 F[emale]) have a friend, Chloe (29 F[emale]), who started an online jewelry business a few months ago.”
“She asked me to help out here and there with packaging and social media stuff, saying it’d be chill and fun.”
“I agreed ’cause I wanted to support her.”
“At first, it was super low-key, like an hour or two a week.”
“But over the last couple of months, it’s gotten way out of hand.”
“She sends me daily to-do lists, expects me to drop everything for her biz, and gets mad if I don’t put her stuff before my actual job.”
“She’s even started calling me her ‘social media assistant’ to our friends, even though I’m not paid at all.”
“Last week, she told me I had to spend my entire Saturday helping her prep for a craft fair, saying, ‘You owe me this, you’re part of the team!'”
“I told her nicely that I love supporting her, but I’m not her employee, and my time is valuable.”
“I said I couldn’t keep helping if it’s not casual and if there’s no pay for all the extra work.”
“Chloe flipped out and called me selfish, saying I was ‘abandoning’ her and not a real friend.”
“Now she’s telling our friends I’m the bad guy for not helping her ‘dream’ come true.”
“AITA for setting a boundary and refusing to do unpaid work?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to continue helping her friend:
Everyone agreed that the OP’s friend was taking advantage of her, and if she wanted the OP as part of her business, then she needed to start treating her like a proper employee and start paying her.
“NTA.”
“You agreed to casually help a friend with her side hustle, and she slowly morphed that into a full-blown job without pay or boundaries.”
“That’s not support, that’s exploitation.”
“The second she started sending you daily to-do lists and calling you her ‘assistant’, she crossed the line from ‘chill and fun’ to ‘I’m taking advantage of your time and energy.”
“You’re not abandoning her dream, you’re just not letting her live it on your back for free.”
“Wanting to be compensated or at least respected for your time is not selfish, it’s basic.”
“Her guilt-tripping and turning your mutual friends against you is manipulative, not passionate.”
“If she wants a team, she can hire one.”
“You’re not the villain for not being her unpaid intern.”
“You’re just someone who knows your worth.”- Quirky-Ad1813
“NTA.”
“You need to counter her narrative and tell your friends that she is treating you like an employee with no pay and damaging your personal life.”
“Shut this down hard.”
“She is acting with blinders on and using your generosity to further her business.”- giantbrownguy
“NTA.”
“She’s a bad friend for expecting so much of you without compensation.”
“At the same time, a good friend is willing to call you out if you’re behaving poorly.”
“Don’t let her pressure you into backing down.”
“Your time is valuable too.”- 0biterdicta
“NTA she is.”
“It is her business, not yours, and you have a life of your own.”
“She is beyond ridiculous expecting you to be a FREE forever servant.”- Initial_Potato5023
“NTA and your friend is taking advantage of you.”
“I can’t imagine other friends taking her side when it’s clearly only benefiting her and you’re getting nothing out of this at all.”- BlondDee1970
“NTA.”
“If any of your friends have a problem with it, then they can step up to help her.”- Candid_Deer_8521
“If she can tell her friends how ‘horrible’ you are, she can ask them to help her with her ‘biz’.”
“NTA and I would limit, if not completely cut contact with her.”
“She doesn’t act like a friend.”- mayd3r
“NTA.”
“My favorite part is that you ‘owe her’.”
“Because she has been so gracious by letting you work for free up until now.”- qtip53
“NTA.”
“Respect and boundaries between friends are a two-way street.”- Ivy-Turner
“NTA.”
“If they’re making money off it, they should be compensating you for your work.”
“It’s really that simple.”
“A good friend wouldn’t imagine not compensating you, they’d be offering something up front.”-H_Lunulata
“You’re the a-hole for letting it get this far and letting her use you.”
“Dump her.”
“She’s no friend to you.”
“NTA.”- garthastro
“She called you selfish – so what?”
“She’s maligning you to friends – who cares?”
“She claims that you torpedoed her dream – it’s ‘her’ dream, so let her work for it.”
“Enjoy the time that you won’t be spending on her fruitless pursuit (fifty bucks says that this business has never earned a dime, and never will).”
“NTA.”- CandylandCanada
“NTA.”
“Either this is a hobby or this is business, neither of which you are obligated to help her.”
“And if this is a business, her helpers are employees whom she must pay.”- Tankline34
“NTA.”
“‘Supporting a friend’ and ‘being an unpaid employee’ are two very different things.”
“Chloe tried to pull a bait-and-switch, then got mad when you didn’t fall for it.”
“Setting boundaries is healthy, and a real friend would respect that, not try to guilt-trip you.”-PavePhantom
“NTA.”
“Supporting a friend doesn’t mean being taken advantage of.”
“You offered help, not free labor.”
“Chloe crossed the line by treating you like an unpaid employee and guilt-tripping you for setting a reasonable boundary.”
“That’s not friendship… it’s exploitation.”- imnothatcute
“NTA.”
“She sounds entitled and disrespectful.”- hotmesssorry
“NTA.”
“If she’s making a profit and not sharing any of it with people who she’s assigning tasks to do for her, she’s the one not being supportive, or appreciative.”- Ornery-Wasabi-473
“NTA.”
“I think Chloe is very selfish and entitled.”
“Even 1-2 hours a week was very generous of you.”
“If Chloe thinks your time is that valuable, she needs to pay for it.”
“At this point I wouldn’t take money even if it was offered, but she should at least have offered to compensate you in some way.”
“If Chloe or anyone else thinks otherwise, or if anyone thinks you somehow ‘owe’ Chloe your time, effort and inner peace, tell them they are also selfish and entitled and they are welcome to help Chloe.”
“Maybe also show Chloe the comments on this thread.”- Ravenclaw_Starshower
“Obviously NTA.”
“Start sending her to-do lists for your real job.”
“Tell her she needs to be there for you.”
“Sheesh.”- Quick-Possession-245
“NTA.”
“You can’t really think you are?”- Careless-Ability-748
“NTA.”
“She needs to learn how to treat people.”
“Mistreatment should come with consequences.”- Noyoueatitbub
“NTA.”
“Tell her you don’t like working for free.”
“You need to be compensated or you’re done helping her.”- CRK_76
“NTA.”
“She can’t have it both ways.”
“Does she want a friend or an employee?”
“You have gone above and beyond.”
“You should have learned to say no long before now.”- Top_Philosopher1809
“You’re NTA but you should have put your foot down and stopped letting Ms. Taskmaster take advantage of you weeks ago.”- Dittoheadforever
“NTA.”
“Unfriend her.”
“She clearly just sees you as an unpaid worker/slave.”
“Even if you guys try to work it out, she’ll try to get you to ‘help’ once again because she has no intention of hiring employees.”- S9_noworries
The fact that the OP’s friend referred to her as a “social media assistant” would leave one to think that the OP was a paid, full-time employee.
In which case, the OP would be entitled to a salary.
If the OP’s friend can’t see and acknowledge that the OP has devoted more of her time and energy to her side hustle than she probably should have, then she isn’t worthy of the OP’s help.