The price tags of weddings have skyrocketed over the years.
Some weddings can cost more than a house.
While that seems extravagant to many, it’s the meaning of happiness for others.
The problem is… who is taking on the bill at the end of the evening?
Parents seem to be covering less in the traditional sense.
Does that mean family and friends with money should step up?
Case in point…
Redditor Early-Retirement-22 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for rescinding my offer to help with my niece’s wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I have always been good with money and am careful with it.”
“I also inherited a good chunk to be fair.”
“So I was able to retire last year fairly early as these things go.”
“I am not married and have no children.”
“My S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] asked me to help with her daughter’s wedding.”
“This is my brother’s stepdaughter, there is no blood relationship.”
“I suppose she is not really my niece, but they call me her Uncle.”
“I initially told them I would help, I was thinking maybe $1,000 or so.”
“I was going to give the same amount as a wedding gift, but they did not know that.”
“They started booking things and asked if I could give them $15,000.”
“Yes, I could, I just don’t want to, I would give $1,000.”
“My sister-in-law started pressuring me for more, I said no.”
“$1,000 was a nice contribution for a step-uncle (for lack of a better term).”
“She then got angry and called me names, etc.”
“This is where I might be an a**hole.”
“I told her that the offer of any money is rescinded, I would not give a cent, not attend the wedding, and not give a gift.”
“She called me an AH and all sorts of other things.”
“My brother called me and apologized for his wife and asked if I would consider $5,000.”
“I told him that I loved him, but did not like his wife and that my decision to give nothing stands.”
“He then joined the AH chorus.”
The OP was left to wonder,
“AITA for rescinding my offer to $1,000?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Yeah, calling you names was a genius way to get you to contribute more money.”
“I don’t blame you for not giving anything at this point.”
“They are acting so entitled to YOUR money, but just because you have money to spend doesn’t mean you have to spend it on them.” ~ Stranger0nReddit
“The fact that they even had the audacity to beg for money while apologizing is baffling.”
“A lack of shame doesn’t even begin to describe their actions.”
“They don’t deserve a cent.” ~ Heavy_Sand5228
“First and foremost if you cannot afford to have a lavish wedding then don’t have one.”
“If you have to ask for handouts to pay for your kid’s wedding then scale down.”
“You get married because you love your partner and want to do life with your person a wedding is just the icing on the cake.”
“What you do not get to do is ask for money and then demand more.”
“Nope. Full stop. NO! OP NTA!” ~ stinstin555
“The most beautiful wedding I ever attended was a Quaker wedding in Pennsylvania.”
‘The couple were not raised Quaker, but they loved the purity and, as grad students, had very little money.”
“The bride’s dress was a simple white dress (not a wedding dress) that was a floor sample and cost almost nothing.”
“The reception was in a friend’s backyard, with homecooked food that probably cost under $100.”
“They are still happily married 52 years later.”
“Lesson to be learned.” ~ Odd_Pudding7341
“But it’s her special day!!!”
“I can’t stand the trend where everyone thinks they just deserve all this lavish s**t because they have seen it on social media.”
“I got married in my Mimi’s house and it was super duper special.”
“I’m about to have a big a** vow renewal next year.”
“I’m not sure I would have even gotten married if my wife would have wanted to beg for money for a super big wedding.”
“That seems very unspecial.” ~ jimjamsboy
“Seriously. Have a wedding you can afford and make it about marrying the love of your life and celebrating it with those you love.”
“My bestie had a courthouse wedding on a Friday and a backyard celebration on Saturday.”
“It was beautiful and affordable and they are still together.” ~ stinstin555
“It’s incredible the entitlement of people.”
“They see a family member better off and feel they are entitled to his money (maybe because he has no kids)!”
“Incredible and sad as they don’t really care for family relations. OP NTA.” ~ giveme25atleast
“I personally would donate $5,000 to charity in their name.”
“Then they’ll get a nice thank you note.”
“Win-win situation. NTA.” ~ Littleballoffur22
“I think if step-niece isn’t part of the abuse, or even knows it’s going on, it would still be a lovely gesture for OP to gift them $1k at the wedding.”
“OP said no one knows about his gift intentions, so they’re not expecting it if he does decide not to.” ~ risynn
“I know right!!!!”
“Oh you only want to give $1000 let me insult you and berate you that will turn you around and make you want to give the amount I asked for.”
“What is wrong with people that think this will work and is OK behavior towards someone they are asking to do them a solid? NTA.” ~ Unicorn71_
“My full-blood uncle had nothing to do with our wedding apart from being a guest and he’s got a few dollars too.”
“I would never have thought to go to him and ask for money.”
“If they’re asking for $15k, they’re spending too much.”
“And as for your brother, he made the decision to marry a woman with a daughter, he should have started saving way back then. NTA.” ~ Brilliant-Arthur
“Weddings have gotten unbelievably expensive in the past few years due to inflation and demand.”
“$15k could easily be less than a quarter of the bill, even at a modest large wedding.”
“That said, yes, NTA, and SIL is a huge AH.” ~ baconbananapancakes
“I agree that wedding culture is insane.”
“That being said, they are undeniably expensive.”
“I’m trying to plan a relatively small one now and doing it on a budget.”
“It’s still absurd.”
“The cheapest venues we’ve been able to find are still upwards of $1000 for the day.”
“Food will easily be this much, even for something as simple as grilled cheese.”
“It’s crazy! It adds up so fast and the price of everything is insane.”
“But OP is still NTA.” ~ rapunzchelle
“This is the 21st century and brides/grooms should pay for the majority of their own damn wedding.”
“I honestly think the wedding industry is a big scam for the most part.”
“Many brides are brainwashed from those wedding magazines.”
“Having an overly expensive party does not make you any more married, just more broke.” ~ MichKosek
“The moment I read about a bride wanting things to be PERFECT on HER day with PERFECT dress, and wanting other people to bankroll it all, my eyes roll back to the back of my head.” ~ Careful-Advance-2096
“I’m gonna go NTA here..”
“While I personally wouldn’t have shot straight to rescinding and not going to the wedding at all, I really can’t blame you for your decision.”
“It sounds like they were trying to use you as a wallet and got mad when the purse strings were cut.”
“People can’t plan an event above their means with the intent of depending on someone else’s bank account.”
“You’re retired. You’re not going to have more money coming in, regardless of how much you still have.”
“You can’t go blowing it willy-nilly on some party just because your step-niece wants a more expensive breed of flower for the table settings. That’s absurd.”
“And it sounds like you’re not particularly close with them as it is, or the step differentiation probably wouldn’t have crossed your mind.”
“We’re people on the Internet, we don’t care about who’s related by blood and who’s related by marriage.”
“But it does stress (to me) that it doesn’t sound like these are people you regularly brunch with or anything.” ~ ThisIsTheCaptain
“NTA. If your $1000 isn’t good enough for them, so be it.”
“They don’t need it. Keep your money.”
“Your brother apologized JUST to beg for more money – it wasn’t a true apology. Users suck.” ~ Foggy_Radish
“NTA. You don’t have to give a single penny, and to be honest, those thousand dollars were not at all what they wanted.”
“When you thought it was more than a generous gift (and it is!) your SIL saw it as nothing.”
“So keep your money and stay home.” ~ conchitu
“NTA. I thought people had some audacity asking family and friends for money for their wedding.”
“But to ask non-family is SO out of line!!!” ~ kiwi-sparkle
“NTA. When someone asks for something and gets angry and abusive when you decline, they were never asked.”
“It was a command disguised as a request.” ~ Efficient-Regular-96
OP came back with an update…
“Sorry, there is no way to respond to everyone.”
“My family talked to my brother, and he gave a better apology.”
“I told him his wife is no longer allowed to talk to me.”
“I will skip the wedding, then reach out to the couple.”
“My brother told me his stepdaughter knew nothing about this, so I am leaning towards offering the $1000 to her directly.”
“Thank you everyone.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
It’s your money.
You don’t have to do anything with your money that you don’t want to.
It’s sad that your SIL and brother couldn’t be grateful and less greedy.
It’s nice to hear that your step-neice wasn’t a part of the initial mess.
Good luck to you and the happy couple.