When it comes to a wedding guest list, some people have a truly “more the merrier” mindset, and invite anyone and everyone they can think of.
Others, however, like to keep the party small, only inviting their truly nearest and dearest.
Whether or not someone wants their wedding to be big or small, however, chances are some cuts or exclusions will have to be made, and someone will more than likely not be happy about that.
Redditor BeneficialSail6603 was looking forward to his cousin’s wedding.
However, the original poster (OP)’s excitement dampened considerably when he learned of someone’s exclusion from the wedding.
Leading him to decide to skip the wedding entirely.
Wondering if he was overreacting, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (ATA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not going to my cousins wedding because my long-term girlfriend wasn’t invited?”
The OP explained why they decided to skip their cousin’s wedding:
“I (25 M[ale]) and my girlfriend (25 F[emale]) have been in a relationship for nearly 3 years, living together for 2 years.”
“My cousin (29 M) and his fiancée (28 F) live in a different country and are coming back here to get married in about 6 months.”
“A few weeks ago, they called around to give my family their invitation (I have 2 siblings, 21 M and 17 F) and my girlfriend was also at the house.”
“We all chatted about the wedding etc and they went on their way.”
“The invite was vague, directed to ‘Mother, Father and family’.”
“But it wasn’t even a question in our minds that my girlfriend wouldn’t be going.”
“She has a hotel booked and has been looking for dresses since.”
“For context, my extended family is quite small and my girlfriend would be quite close to them, has been to all family events, babysat the younger kids and is in contact with them regularly.”
“I sent an RSVP for both of us last week and this morning received a message back saying unfortunately the invitation was to myself, my parents and siblings only.”
“I won’t lie to say I was annoyed but have decided not to go.”
“My mom was shocked when I told her my girlfriend wasn’t invited, as there is only 11 people total in the family (including my family, cousins, aunties, uncles etc)”
“Their venue is not ‘small’ by any means.”
“I understand peoples weddings are their own choices but it feels to wrong to be there without her, my family feel the same way.”
“AITA to rsvp no and not attend?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for skipping their cousins wedding, but also tended to agree that their cousin wasn’t being an a**hole for not inviting his girlfriend either.
Everyone understood why the OP was upset and wanted to skip the wedding, but also tended to feel that it wasn’t unreasonable for the OP’s cousin not to invite his girlfriend… ultimately, he and his fiancée had the final say as to who could come to their wedding:
“It’s their wedding; they can invite (or not invite) people as they choose.”
“You are free not to attend.”
“NAH.”- wesmorgan1
“NAH.”
“If you simply rsvp no and don’t attend.”
“YWBTA if you make a thing about this or think you or your girlfriend is the injured party.”
“Your cousin can invite whoever they want to their wedding.”
“It is their wedding, not yours.”
“Further, your ‘*my* family only has 11 people’ is IRRELEVANT.”
“Please understand that.”
“How big is the bride’s family?”
“Perhaps there are many gfs/bfs on her side that made this decision necessary to avoid problems.”
“You have no idea.”
“Because you seem to treat the wedding as about you and your family.”
“Again, it’s not.”
“It’s also, OP, about the bride and her family.”
“Which you seem interestingly oblivious to.”
“Not a great look.”
“Finally, the bride and groom are traveling from overseas.”
“Which costs money.”
“There may be financial reasons they are keeping the wedding to family only, given that they live in another country.”
“Ultimately, an invite is just an invite.”
“You are free to say no and aren’t an asshole for doing so.”
“But, your ‘me’, ‘me’, ‘my family’ mindset suggests that with your attitude and lack of interest in the couple, particularly the bride, you may not be too missed.”- Even_Budget2078
“NAH.”
“Just because your family feels close to your girlfriend doesn’t mean the bride and groom feel close to her living abroad.”
“They also may not be giving plus ones at all to their friends.”
“Either way, they can invite who they want, and you can also choose not to go.”- BlondDee1970
“NAH.”
“They can invite who they wan,t and those invited can RSVP yes or no.”
“But honestly, I’ve gone to a wedding without my husband.”
“I went with my friends who also didn’t get plus ones, and we had a great time.”
“You don’t always have to do things as a couple.”
“But that choice is yours.”- CrabbiestAsp
“NAH.”
“Just decline and leave it at that.”
“You’d be an AH if you made a big deal out of it.”- IHaveBoxerDogs
“NAH.”
“They can invite who they want.”
“If you can’t go without her, your choice.”- Jerseygirl2468
“NAH.”
“They can invite or not invite whomever they want, including long-term partners and you can decline to attend.”- GothPenguin
“NAH.”
“They can decide who they can afford to have at their wedding, and you are well within your rights to decide that you don’t want to go without your girlfriend.”
“It’s an invitation, not a summons.”- keesouth
“NAH.”
“Did you bother to ask why she wasn’t invited?”
“Have they ever met her?”
“How close are you with this cousin?”
“They can invite who they want, you can decide to attend or not.”
“I don’t find either decision to be unreasonable.”
“I do find it odd that you all assumed the gf was invited when she wasn’t mentioned.”
“An invite going to a parent and their family means just that – them and their kids, even if the kids don’t live with them.”
“If the gf was to be invited, I would have expected a separate invite to be sent to you with a plus one (or with her name).”- Gertrude_D
“NAH.”
“You had zero reason to think that invitation referenced her.”- Flat-Replacement4828
“NAH.”
“Does your cousin and his fiancée even know your girlfriend?”
“They live in a different country.”
“If they’re having a small wedding with family, why is anyone offended if they don’t invite essentially a stranger?”
“There seems to be endless offense taken on Reddit by people who feel they should be invited to a wedding as a plus one.”
“Your cousin doesn’t have to invite you, and you don’t have to go.”
“It’s as simple as that.”
“They aren’t obligated to invite your girlfriend.”- LavenderPearlTea
“NAH, you & your siblings are being extended an invitation as a courtesy to your parents.”
“You are the plus 3 on the invitation.”
“You didn’t receive your own invitation, so no, you don’t get a plus one.”
“It’s not a family reunion.”
“Have your parents, who received the invitation, answer the rsvp.”
“It’s not a big deal if you don’t go.”- dncrmom
“NAH.”
“Sure, it would be nice to have your girlfriend invited, but every bride and groom has the right to choose who to invite.”
“Weddings are expensive.”
“In my family, if you aren’t engaged or married, you aren’t invited to the wedding.”
“Doesn’t matter how long you have been together.”- TyAnne88
There were a few, however, who found the OP’s reaction on the entitled side, and sided firmly with his cousin:
“’Almost three years’ is not offense material for someone she doesn’t even seem to know.”
“Especially at 25.”
“Statistically you’re more likely to break up than get married at that point.”
“I think you’re overthinking it.”
“It sucks, but it is what it is.”
“I’d say you are the AH for taking this so hard instead of being the bigger person.”
“YTA.”- the_orig_princess
“YTA for not double-checking with your cousin and his fiancée.”
“They may only want people there that they know personally, and, going off of your post, it doesn’t seem like they know your girlfriend at all.”- Devri30
“It’s not your wedding.”
“It’s theirs.”
“They choose the guest list.”
“They only invited their blood relatives.”
“That’s it.”
“That’s their choice.”
“I don’t understand WHY you didn’t reach out to them for clarification since you knew this based on the invite and were questioning about your girlfriend.”
“Instead you booked the trip and just went oh well.”
“She’s coming because I say so.”
“That’s why YTA.”
“Side note..you also went on and on about how so many people know her without addressing the important thing.”
“Have the ACTUAL bride and groom even met her?”
“Cause it sounds like they haven’t met her or barely know her personally.”- Help24-7
The OP has a right to be angry, especially if his cousin knows his girlfriend as well as he claims he does.
Even so, people invite and exclude good friends, including those they consider good friends, from their weddings for a multitude of reasons.
Perhaps the OP should consider asking this cousin why their girlfriend didn’t make the cut before boycotting the wedding altogether.