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Redditor Refuses To Let Mom Have Plus One To Wedding Because All Her Friends Are ‘Mean Girls’

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Weddings can open up a veritable Pandora’s Box of issues.

These are events are meant to be a time of celebration, when loved ones come together.

But many times a wedding can tear a family apart.

Case in point…

Redditor ResolveClassic4264 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for telling my mom I don’t care about her anxiety, she can’t invite her friends to our wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I’m currently planning a wedding with my fiancée, and it is about 80% her family and friends, and then 20% my friends.”

“I literally have no family, so my mom isn’t going to know anyone.”

“This wasn’t supposed to be an issue, but about 9 months ago we got into a fight with my mother’s husband and he went ballistic.”

“He called me a bunch of names, called my fiancée a stupid little girl, banned us from his house.”

“And refused to continue paying for my education.”

“Though he had told me since I was a kid that I didn’t have to worry about college.”

“Needless to say he isn’t invited.”

“My mom said that she wasn’t going to get involved in the fight, and while she believes he is in the right, she would not be cutting contact or anything.”

“The issue is she now thinks she should get a plus one to our wedding as she won’t have anyone to talk to.”

“Normally we would be ok with that, but her friends are the mean girl type, and my fiancée has told me she will feel judged.”

“My mom said her friends would never behave badly at our wedding, but even she admitted they do think they are better than everyone.”

“I said it was going to be left up to my fiancée, who feels she will be stressed knowing they look down on her.”

“My mom began crying and talking about how stressed she was going to be.”

“I know most people would just find someone to talk to, but my mom does not talk to people like that.”

“She just won’t.”

“Honestly sometimes getting her to talk to me is an issue, especially without my stepdad around, as she is automatically in a bad mood without him.”

“I said none of this is our problem, I don’t even care at this point, and she can’t bring anyone.”

“I feel kind of bad, because now she might not be coming, and apparently she was having bad anxiety when she got home.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“Not a huge surprise that the guests are 80% your fiancee’s and 20% yours, it doesn’t sound like you make much effort at relationships.”

“Your mom is okay with ditching her husband for this, yet she doesn’t have even 1 friend your fiancee finds acceptable?”

“Both you and your fiancée get to share this AH vote.” ~ rasa-white

“Yeah, I also thought the same, like all the 80% of her side fiancée likes, but the bride can’t be happy with one person?”

“Like they are supposing things, ‘they will judge her,” is that even a valid point?'”

“I already see the future: He will only spend time with wife’s family because she thinks hers is better.” ~ Limp_Row8413

“It was like 80/20 in my husband’s favor at our wedding.”

“I just really don’t have a big family and most of my friends are in the other side of the country and can’t travel.”

“I don’t think it’s fair to assume -that- much about her.”  ~ FionnaAndCake

“Sorry, but if his mother runs with a clique of ‘mean girls,’ I wouldn’t want one of them at my wedding either.”

“Such people have a tendency to create drama, and insult, wherever they go.”

“When you have enough experience with people that that is how they behave in general.”

“It’s pretty much a given that’s how they’ll act.”  ~ ImKiliW

“Sooo… her friends aren’t actually adults?”

“YTA. Give your mum a plus one, are her friends really that misbehaved as adults?”

“I’m sure an entire room of people can handle a ‘mean girl’ if such an adult exists (yes, I’m sure they do, even in their 40-60s but still).”

“Heck, giving friends a plus one who know nobody other than you is pretty customary.”

“Expecting someone to turn up to a social function, wedding or otherwise, knowing zero people other than you, is a harsh ask whichever way you cut it.”  ~ Mr_Ham_Man80

A few Redditors felt differently…

“NTA. Your mother is a grown woman and she has decided to surround herself with people who cannot behave well enough in public to be trusted at your wedding.”

“This is on her.”

“Who doesn’t trot out the ‘anxiety’ excuse these days.”

“It’s a rare post here where someone has been an AH and hasn’t made sure to start by listing their mental health excuses.”

“The bottom line is that your mother is mature.”

“At this point, she should be capable of handling her issues for the duration of your wedding.”

“She should be able to see her doctor and discuss medication or pull herself together so that she is there for you.”

“She should be capable of making small talk or even being alone and bored out of her mind for a few hours.”

“It’s your wedding.”

“Sometimes we just need to stop focusing on ourselves and our issues and be there for loved ones.”

“If she can’t suck it up for a few hours, paste a smile on her face, and pretend to be having fun for you (or actually try meeting people and actually having fun), there’s a problem.”

“You can’t stop her from refusing to attend but she should be stepping up.”

“One suggestion is to enlist a couple of the bride’s guests to hang out with your mother.”

“It may calm her down and she may even end up enjoying herself if there are people she knows she can eat with and talk to.”  ~ Antstst

“Your wedding, your rules, your invites.”

“NTA, but I’d consider going low contact with your mom and perhaps disinvite her if she doesn’t quit.”

“I’m not sure how difficult that’ll be for you, but you and your fiancé may be thankful for not having your mom (or anyone you don’t want there) at the wedding.”  ~ KingPiscesFish

“NTA, your stepdad said a bunch of hurtful things and stopped financially supporting your education.”

“So it’s completely fair to not invite him and your mother sides with him so it’s already nice of you to let her come.”

“But just because her husband was an AH to you doesn’t mean she gets a free pass to invite whoever she wants when you haven’t met them, let alone like them.”

“Nothing you’ve done here is unreasonable.”

“I don’t get the Y T A votes, it’s your wedding.”

“You don’t have to have judgy randoms there if you don’t want them to be.”  ~ Alternative-Pea-4434

Others disagreed…

“Picture your wedding reception.”

“You having a wonderful time, the food is great, you’re looking forward to the dancing.”

“Then you look over and see your mom sitting alone, looking like she might be about to start crying.”

“Will you continue to have a good time?”

“Or will it start to take the shine from your perfect day?”

“Only you know, but I know it would wreck my day if it was me.”

“Your wedding day is not the day to punish someone. YTA.” ~ lotus_eater123

“YTA. Give her a plus one.”

“One person who you all think is pretentious is not going to impact your wedding.”

“And leaving one of your guests with literally nobody they know at the wedding is rude.”

“I certainly hope they aren’t paying for any of the wedding.”

“Unless you have an actual reason to expect her friend will misbehave, your fiancé’s insecurity should not mean she doesn’t get a plus one.” ~ REDDIT

“YTA, it’s your mom. YOUR MOM.”

“Who isn’t asking to invite a bunch of people you don’t know, but a single +1 to replace her husband who you’ve managed to estrange.”

“Stand up to your fiancé, and let your mom know you expect her friends to be on their best behavior.” ~ mp29k

“YTA – also this may come as a shock but every single person at that wedding is going to be judging you and every choice you made for that wedding.”  ~ andurilmat

“YTA and so is your fiancée.”

“Your mom is asking for ONE friend—not even her husband.”

“Your fiancée has 80% of the guests to support her.”

“You guys can allow your mom, who seems to struggle with anxiety one person to be her support.”

“But you’re clearly looking down on her mental health issues.”  ~ Sad-Atmosphere-8555

Well OP, sounds like Reddit has a few issues with your guest list choices.

Though some understand where you’re coming from.

Maybe a serious sit down with a therapist could be helpful.

Hopefully this all gets resolved soon.

Good luck.