There is no denying that money can bring a lot of joy and ease.
But it can also turn life into chaos.
It can be especially dramatic when money and family get tangled.
How many movies are out there about the aftermath of inheritances?
Who deserves how much and why?
Sometimes the person who gets everything deserves every penny.
Maybe certain people deserve to be left out in the cold.
Oh, the drama.
Case in point…
Redditor Pretend_Canary_9411 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not sharing my inheritance with the rest of my ‘family?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My family situation is messy.”
“I (25 F[emale]) was engaged four years ago to my high school sweetheart.”
“My fiancé cheated on me with my sister (28 F).”
“We had never had a good relationship even as kids, so after I found out, I went scorched earth on both of them.”
“She was ‘so in love’ with my fiancé, but he dumped her within two weeks and was back trying to get me to forgive him (I didn’t).”
“My parents were initially on my side, but my sister had a nervous breakdown after she was dumped and was hospitalized so they changed their tune to ‘it’s over now and you can’t be mad forever.'”
“So I dumped them, too, and went to grad school on the other side of the country.”
“My grandfather was livid with the whole thing, disowned my sister, and chewed out my parents.”
“Sometimes it felt like he was the only one who was on my side and understood.”
“I was able to get my job to let me work remotely and moved back to take care of him when he got sick last fall.”
“And I was devastated when he passed a couple of months ago.”
“I had been in limited contact with my parents since I came back mostly because I didn’t want to be an obstacle to my dad seeing my grandfather.”
“But with the understanding that any discussion of my sister or what happened would end that.”
“It turns out that my grandfather left me virtually everything.”
“He left enough for my father to cover a debt and some token stuff for a couple of other relatives, but he wrote a letter for everyone and did a videotape with his attorney explaining what his intentions were.”
“I knew that he had done well for himself, but he lived a pretty simple lifestyle so I didn’t realize how much money and assets he really had.”
“I would give it all up to have my papaw back but even after taxes it has set me for life money.”
“My parents are pretty mad about it.”
“One of the reasons stated for cutting them out was how disappointed my grandfather was with how they had treated me growing up vs. my sister and over the fiancé debacle.”
“There were other reasons, but that’s what they’re fixated on.”
“The will is pretty airtight apparently, so my parents want me to ‘do the right thing’ and share it equally between me, them, and my sister.”
“Their argument is that I don’t need it.”
“I make more than both of them combined and this would allow them to retire.”
“My sister is not doing great and can’t hold a job, so this would ensure she has something for when my parents pass.”
“I don’t want to.”
“My grandfather’s wishes were crystal clear, and also I kind of don’t feel like doing more than the minimum for any of them.”
“They’ve been telling me that I’m being vindictive because of a mistake years ago.”
“I can’t deny there might be a little vindictiveness there.”
“I don’t want them to suffer necessarily, but I also don’t feel like they deserve my help.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. I’m so sorry your Pawpaw has gone.”
“He sounds very loving and interesting by the way you speak about him here.”
“That said, set your family connections on fire and walk away.”
“That’s what he would have wanted, and he granted you the means to do so.”
“Walk tall, you’ve earned this.” ~ SunshineKittenYESYES
“This is kind of how I feel about it.”
“I feel like he left her that much so she’d hopefully never have a reason to reach back out to them and could just live her life. NTA.” ~ Eviltechnomonkey
“Exactly. NTA.”
“OP should not feel any guilt for following her grandfather’s wishes.”
“He knew what he was doing.”
“If anyone worries about her sister just point out that Sis can inherit everything from their parents someday since OP has – rightly – distanced herself and has no need of it.” ~ ginger_momra
“Frankly, I’d consider it disrespectful of OP to ignore his wishes and give them money when he made it absolutely, explicitly clear he didn’t want them to have it.” ~ SeaworthinessNo1304
“This is such a good point.”
“Where were the parents when Grandpa fell ill and needed help?”
“Normally the first in line to assist would be the children, not the grandchildren as OP did.”
“Papaw knew the extent of OP’s love for him and hurt OP for being mistreated by her parents enough to orchestrate this last mic drop for doing OP wrong.”
“He was the only one who could in this way. Papaw is a rockstar, a guardian angel!”
“This is not a decision for OP to make so there is no dilemma.”
“Papaw knew parents would push back which is why he went through so much trouble.”
“Don’t go against Grandpa’s dying wish OP.” ~ Practical_Chart798
“This! All of this! The right thing is to respect the will as it was written.”
“And OP don’t burn those bridges, use explosives.”
“It’s faster and leaves less mess behind.”
“Go live the life he wanted you to and know you were loved!”
“I’m sorry your Papaw is gone, but he left you enough to be safe and taken care of.” ~ Bibliophile_w_coffee
“Sis didn’t make a mistake, she made a litany of them and was unrepentant.”
“OP’s parents enabled all of that.”
“Papaw saw them for what they were and is punishing them accordingly.”
“They don’t get to undo what he wanted.”
“Personally I don’t get why OP is allowing them to contact her at all. NTA at all.” ~ Beth21286
“That is my thought, too.”
“Grandpa was likely hoping that his son would be a son to him – love him, visit him often, etc… and it is clear that his son did not.”
“OP, here is my thought.”
“Take a couple of years and think about what YOU want.”
“Do not let ANYONE pressure you into making any decisions right now.”
“In the future, you might want to ‘help’ your parents out but there should be no splitting this equally.”
“Your sister did not choose to have a relationship with PaPaw.”
“Your parents obviously did not have a rich relationship with Papaw.”
“Inheritances are not a God-given right based upon birth and PaPaw was VERY clear about his intentions – to the point that he had a will and video explaining them.”
“He knew what was up.”
“Do not make any major decisions for at least a year.”
“Grieve PaPaw, take time and space from all of your family, and focus on your healing and grief, building your career, etc.”
“Then, meet with a fee-based financial planner.”
“I’m guessing PaPaw’s attorneys could point you towards a good one, and start planning for YOUR future.” ~ Adventurous-Try1728
“Solid advice. Focus on yourself, and don’t feel unnecessary guilt.”
“You didn’t break your grandpa’s relationship with your family.”
“There were deep-seated problems already there.”
“How they treated you after your sister had the affair was likely just the straw that broke the camel’s back.” ~ East-Imagination-281
“This is good advice, however, meet with the financial planner and a C[ertified] P[ublic] A[ccountant], because you may have some tax/estate issues that you can relieve if you invest the money in certain ways.”
“You are NTA.”
“Grandpa wanted you to have his money.”
“He was so clear about it.”
“You should at least follow HIS wishes and set yourself up the way you should for best future success and providing for any family you may have down the line.” ~ everellie
“Also, Pawpaw went to great lengths to make this will airtight!”
“He even gave the son something so it can’t be argued he wasn’t of right mind.”
“The audio/video, notarization, he was extremely clear he knew who he wanted his life’s savings to go to, AND WHY!”
“I love that he included the why.”
“OP I think it would be very disrespectful of you to go against what your Pawpaw wanted and give your parents or sister anything.”
“The right thing would have been for you not to have been ostracized by your immediate family for a mistake you did not make.”
“That was also only one of the reasons he didn’t give them anything.”
“He listed others.”
“Don’t let them guilt you into thinking he was a jerk when really he cared the most.”
“I’m sorry your family sucks OP!” ~ Beanz4ever
“Actions have consequences.”
“Your parents should have learned that and taught your sister that.”
“Seems like Pawpaw had one last lesson in him.”
“NTA. Use some money to hire good attorneys and multiple financial planners (never put your eggs in one basket).”
“Document any harassment and let your lawyers protect you from any future threats.”
“Go live your best life.” ~ melbourne3k
“Came here to say exactly the same thing.”
“Your Papaw sounds like a truly epic guy and I’m sorry that you have to deal with both his passing and your leeches of an ex-family.”
“Carry out his wishes and walk tall.”
“You were the one who was there for him, and him for you.”
“This is his way of still being there for you.”
“NTA here.” ~ seriousrikk
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You have no obligation to these people.
It terrible that you’re even trapped in this situation.
You focus on you, your Pawpaw did.
Sorry for all of your losses.
Be happy and good luck.