Gift registries can get out of hand.
No matter how fabulous the occasion, everybody can’t always afford every item on the list.
Whatever happened to “It’s the thought that counts?”
Baby needs can be especially pricey.
Case in point…
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for refusing to pay for a pushchair for my stepdaughter?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My stepdaughter (20) is pregnant and due in January.”
“My husband and I originally said we would buy the pushchair for her when she was a bit further along as she is high risk and has had several miscarriages and we didn’t want it to linger as a reminder if the pregnancy failed.”
“She picked the pushchair she wanted and we said we would order it for her this month.”
“A couple of weeks ago I mentioned the pram to her and she asked if her nan had spoken to us about it.”
“I said no and asked what she meant.”
“She then said that she had been shopping with her nan and had found another pram she wanted.”
“This pram was almost exactly the same but was £500 more than the one she told us she wanted from us.”
“I told her that we couldn’t afford to spend that much on the pram and she said that her nan and grandad are putting £100 and the nan on the father’s side is putting £100 towards it and she wanted us to pay the rest.”
“I spoke to my husband following this conversation with her and he said we can’t afford it and said he thought we were buying it outright and not just contributing.”
“We have now told her we are not buying that pram for her as we can’t afford the amount she wants us to pay.”
“And that the original plan was for us to buy the one she originally chose outright and not just contribute to it.”
“Even with £200 towards it we still can’t afford it.”
“She has now called us unreasonable and said we aren’t being fair.”
The OP was left to wonder,
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“I’m much older, but having had the trauma of a miscarriage, made me really want to try again.”
“I think it is hard to articulate how you feel and how different people deal with miscarriages.”
“The OP is NTA.”
“Some pushchairs/ travel systems are massively expensive (£1k plus).”
“If she was happy before, I wonder if she looked wistfully at something fancy like an iCandy and Nan has unhelpfully said it should be affordable if everyone clubs together.”
“I think OP really needs to just say that they can’t afford it and what their max budget is.” ~ JayneLut
“True. The grandparents are super in helping by offering to throw in such a small amount of the overall cost as if that doesn’t make it outrageously expensive still.” ~ Fianna9
“NTA. Honestly, this is concerning to me about her readiness to be a mom. Like, damn.” ~ Wide-Heron-1015
“Same. Granted my stroller days are 20+ years ago but you don’t need something that expensive given the kid will outgrow it VERY soon.” ~ Apsara7
“My sister wanted this ridiculous expensive stroller. I’m not saying it’s not awesome- it’s a great city stroller.”
“But my sister is raising her kids in the suburbs, so it was silly.”
“But she wanted this thing.”
“Fine. Whatever.”
“However, she did find a second-hand version, and it did work for my nieces for years, after which she was able to resell it.” ~ rak1882
“They hold their value pretty well, especially the yummy mummy brands like Bugaboo, and are generally convertible to be used from birth-2/when they absolutely point-blank refuse to get in the buggy but also won’t put on shoes to walk to your destination (so 2).” ~ girlintheshed
“We bought a bugaboo. I loved it. The firstborn loved it, as did the second born, and after years of use, it still looked new, and we sold it at a good price.”
“But we paid it and didn’t ask our parents for financial help. NTA OP.” ~ malex117
“NTA of course.”
“You offered her a gift and now it isn’t good enough.”
“If it’s so important to have a very expensive pram she can buy it herself.”
“Since she’s choosing to have a child, I assume that she is self-sufficient and able to afford it.” ~ Outside_Guidance4752
“Okay then maybe your husband could try to turn this into a teachable moment for his daughter before she has a kid herself.”
“The phrase beggars can’t be choosers comes to mind.”
“You’re NTA for sure, but good luck with grandbaby and bless you for trying to help your stepdaughter out even when she’s being a bit ungrateful.” ~ Outside_Guidance4752
“What a selfish person to bring a child into this world and then expect others to help and pay her way while she does nothing.”
“Best of luck to the child and family. NTA.” ~ sombersault
“NTA. She can ask for what she wants, and you can choose whether to buy it.”
“I would not buy her one she doesn’t want though.”
“Get her something else critical for the baby and let her sort out whether spending insane amounts on a pram is worth it.”
“It’s seriously only used for a blink of an eye in the baby’s life.”
“That kind of thing can be found barely used so easily.” ~ Illustrious-Shirt569
“Obviously NTA and geez, her entitlement, S[hake] M[y] H[ead].’
“There’s one thing to ask your opinion about getting a more expensive one and actually wanting to impose it on you.”
“She’s just obnoxious and rude.”
“I suggest you just contribute to it like everyone else even if you originally wanted to buy it yourself, but if she insists, just give her the original money and let her say whatever she wants.”
“Or even better, say it’s this amount or nothing and she can go whine to her nan dearest if she was the one putting ideas in her head.” ~ Europeangirl101
“NTA. I don’t understand why people pay such excessive money for something baby is going to outgrow quickly.” ~ Hairy-Capital-3374
“NTA. What’s unreasonable is that at 20 years old, she has had several miscarriages and is now pregnant but still has not found the means to support herself as an adult.”
“THAT is what’s unreasonable.”
‘Especially when you’re actually trying to get pregnant vs it being an accident.” ~ Mandiezie1
“NTA. Agree with the other posters who suggest giving your step-daughter the amount of money you were willing and able to pay for the original pram or purchase another needed baby item that costs about the same as that amount.”
“I’m sorry that your step-daughter seems like a very entitled brat because that doesn’t bode well for her entry into motherhood.” ~ Tranqup
“NTA… Why do people need brand-new stuff for babies… Is it to show off to the Joneses?”
“We got everything 2nd hand through F[ace]B[ook] and it’s been great. I don’t know any of our friends in London that ever went brand new as the baby with grow out of it in a fraction of a second.” ~ PsychologicalWeird
“Me too. I was near London with my first and got everything second-hand (except the car seat and cot mattress).”
“I got a whole solid wood furniture set (cot, chest of drawers with change table on top, bookcase, and wardrobe) for £300 and a two-year-old Uppababy for £200 that came with a board for a toddler and included postage to a different part of the U.K.”
“It is such a waste of money to buy new things for such a short time.” ~ Cro-che-T
“NTA, and holy hell, is it made of gold? Self-driving?”
“Sings the baby to sleep while it rocks them?”
“I know they can be expensive in general, all baby stuff is, but 500 MORE than what was already budgeted?”
“The amount of diapers that could buy.” ~ JustALizzyLife
“NTA. Fair to whom?”
“Your budget is your budget, and she sounds ridiculously entitled.”
“She’s unreasonable to have doubled the cost of the item she wanted and then attempted to shove that down your throat.”
“Don’t go over your budget, and don’t haggle with her.”
“Someone raised her to be quite ungrateful.” ~ BefuddledPolydactyls
“NTA – what’s unreasonable is getting pregnant and expecting other people to buy expensive things for you because you can’t afford them.”
“She’s in for a crazy ride.”
“Kids are expensive, and she shouldn’t be relying on others to pay for hers.” ~ LivingTourist5073
“NTA. You didn’t ask, but maybe give her a small gift and hold back some of that money.”
“It doesn’t sound like you have a ton of extra money, and she will almost certainly be in desperate need of really critical things – food and clothes and diapers – and coming to you for that.”
“Hold some back for the baby.” ~ STLBluesFanMom
“Several miscarriages already at 20? Yikes.”
“NTA. You can afford what you can afford.”
“If she wants something else, perhaps give her the amount you would have paid, and she can either pony up the difference or go without.”
“No one is required to be an ATM for family members who have champagne tastes.” ~ FearlessKnitter12
“NTA, if she wants the biggest, most extravagant object she can find, she pays for the extra extravagance.”
“Her asking you to go into debt for an item is not fair either.” ~ demon803
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You’re not made of money.
Sometimes, a generic brand is just as good as a fancy brand.
If she wants that particular stroller, why can’t she chip in?
Or perhaps other people who were interested in giving a gift can cover the difference.