Sharing food isn’t everybody’s thing.
Which doesn’t always go over well with a snack-deprived significant other.
That can be a relationship minefield.
Redditor Gym_frere wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to share my food with my G[irl]F[riend]?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“The Lord of the Rings is doing a theatrical rerun in my city, so I (27 M[ale]) and GF (27 F[emale]) decided to go watch The Two Towers (extended edition) last night.”
“We do not currently live together.”
“There’s a bar that I really love right next to the theatre.”
“I asked if we could go to this restaurant after the movie because I really wanted to get this specific dish – it’s lattice style fries that are fried in beef tallow, covered with green onions, bacon, house seasoning, and come with the best hollandaise sauce I’ve ever tasted in my life.”
“You can get fries for one (smaller portion) or fries for two (much larger portion) for a couple extra dollars.”
“She didn’t realize that the movie was nearly 4 hours long, and it ended at around 10 pm.”
“By this time, she said she was tired and didn’t want to go to the restaurant anymore.”
“I said that’s ok, and asked if I could order my fries to go.”
“She said that that’s fine.”
“I asked her if she wanted any, and she said no, so I ordered the fries for one.”
“I checked with her again before I ordered, and she said she 100% didn’t want any.”
“We went to pick up the fries.”
“She caught a whiff of it and asked if she could have a few.”
“No problem, they are very delicious, and I let her have some.”
“She then asked if we could sit outside the restaurant to eat the whole thing together.”
“I said no, I asked you if you wanted to have some, and you said no, and if you wanted to eat some, you should’ve told me so I could’ve gotten the fries for two, and I don’t want to share the fries for one as it’s a smaller portion.”
“She got really upset and said I’m being selfish and refusing to share my fries.”
“I said that yes, I am being selfish, but in this case, I really wanted the fries and just being honest, but I don’t want to share in this instance.”
“She’s since cooled down, but this morning we had a call, and she said that next time I should just share it with her, and I said I’m happy to share any time but not in cases like this, and she should be more careful about saying what she wants.”
“She’s upset with me again now.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, am I the AH?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. I’m so SICK of people who do this.”
“Order your own f**king fries and don’t cry when people quite rightly don’t want to share.” ~ faerieW15B
“I see this often with the Princess type.”
“Now, I know that this behavior could happen with non-princess types too, but I’m just saying the Venn Diagram overlap is large with princess types.”
“I’m a woman, and the princess-type women around me will complain about stuff like this.”
“From what I hear from these types, it comes down to 3 things with the food sharing: 1) Tired, too tired to notice hunger.”
“2) Hanger, blocked access to food, which made you realize you’re hungry, which makes you angry.”
“3) Not liking being told no.”
“That’s about it. Sometimes there’s a fourth in there about not wanting to ‘look like a pig’ by eating like a bird, but then 1-3 kick in right after.”
“Like, damn, Princess type, you need a servant to tell you when you’re hungry and need a snack?”
“Work on recognizing your own bodily cues instead of waiting until ‘food’ literally appears and you decide you need some.” ~ spacestonkz
“Exactly. Take responsibility for your choices, girl!”
“You say you don’t want fries- think that through first- they’ll probably smell good, you’ll probably be hungry later and want some.”
“Don’t make that his problem; take responsibility and solve it yourself.” ~ SirEDCaLot
“Exactly. And on top of that, he DID share.”
“He gave her a couple of fries to be nice.”
“She’s the one who wanted the entire half of his order. NTA.” ~ emergencycat17
“My ex used to wait until I was alllllllllmost done eating something and then ask for a bite.”
“Here I am, eating my snack, saving the best part for last so I can enjoy it like a mini-ritual, and this motherf*cker swoops in at the last possible second and goes, ‘Can I have a bite?”
“No matter how many times I explained it to him, he continued to do it and continued to get offended when it aggravated me.”
“’I just wanted a taste, that’s all!’”
“Then why didn’t you ask when I was just starting?”
“Why wait until I have two bites left and ask for one of them?”
“Sorry. I might have just gotten a little worked up there.”
“I’m happy to report my current partner is an adult capable of using his words AND capable of getting himself his own damn snack when he’s hungry.” ~ SharMarali
“NTA. For the people here saying, ‘You should have just bought it anyway,’ no.”
That just reinforces annoying behavior.”
“She’s an adult; if she were really that hungry, they could have ordered another single portion.” ~ PugGrumbles
“NTA. YALL infantilize women on this app every f**king day, and I’m SICK of it!!!!!”
“He asked multiple times.”
“He even shared, after she said NO.”
“At what point does NO not mean NO anymore???”
“If she didn’t want any, she doesn’t get any.”
“If she wants some, she should say yes.”
“This notion ‘share anyway, always buy women fries, don’t y’all love your partners, y’all have sex but won’t share food order more even when she says no’ — ALL of this rhetoric infantilizes women and tells men to ignore women when they say NO?!??!”
“I f**king hate this conversation.”
“If someone asks if you want something and you say no, you lose the opportunity.”
“Regardless of your gender.”
“OP, you’re not the AH, and you didn’t even have to share, but you did! She needs to grow up!!” ~ bitter-scorpio-02
“NTA. She specifically said she didn’t want anything TWICE before you ordered.”
“She doesn’t get to be upset that you don’t want to share your meal FOR ONE with her.”
“She needs to grow up and take responsibility for her own actions.” ~ Khantahr
“NTA. Your girlfriend was behaving like a toddler.”
“You asked, more than once, she declined.”
“If she wanted some so bad, SHE should have gone back into the restaurant and gotten some.”
“Like a grown-up.”
“Not pout like a baby.” ~ GigiGenX72020
“Exactly! She needs to grow up!”
“The girl had plenty of chances to get her own portion of fries and just kept saying no until she could smell them.”
“That’s not on anyone but her at that point.”
“Maybe predicting the obvious future of fries being made will make anyone hungry.”
“I hate immature people like the gf in this story.” ~ LikeACycloneCloud
“Noooooo NTA.”
“People act like this on purpose.”
“You checked in with her SO. MANY. TIMES. to try to get her some fries!”
“Her turning around like this and demanding YOURS is completely deliberate.”
“She’s trying to see how far she can get you to bend.” ~ Flat-Replacement4828
“NTA. Sharing your fries is what you did when you gave her a few.”
“Splitting an order of fries is what you offered to do, and she said no to before you ordered, when you’d have got the double portion, and you’d both have had ample fries to make a meal out of them.”
“She’s acting like you were selfish and greedy when you listened to her, and were willing to give her some of your fries even though she’d said she definitely didn’t want any, but weren’t willing to give her half of your single-person portion, because you had been expecting to have supper around 10 PM, having known how long a movie known for being really long was…”
“And really, nothing was stopping her, at the point she’d had a few fries and her stomach woke up, from popping in and getting herself something to go too.” ~ Useful_Language2040
“NTA. It’s a major pet peeve of mine when someone tells me that they DON’T want something, but then want to share mine afterwards.”
“No, just no.”
“I don’t think it’s cute or romantic; it’s just highly annoying.” ~ Deep-Okra1461
“NTA, fries for one should not be shared.”
“In my opinion, even fries for two should not be shared because fries for two are really barely enough fries for one.”
“Signed, I need at least two fries orders for myself.”
“But if you were sitting outside the restaurant, the easy solution would be split that one and order another round of fries.” ~ Dizzy_Needleworker_3
“NTA and she’s had ample opportunities to say she wanted something, and she’s not a child.”
“Don’t just order her something.”
“You can offer that she place her own order if she changes her mind after you have your food.” ~ keesouth
“NTA. My husband has specific treats in the house that he buys for himself, and he’s told me not to eat.”
“I have never eaten them.”
“You shared a few fries.”
“If she wanted more after that, she should have bought herself some.” ~ thatoneredheadgirl
“NTA. You gave her multiple opportunities to have her own fries or even order the fries for two.”
“Her childish behavior is not something you have to suffer.” ~ MonsterofJits
Reddit is with you, OP.
Order your food when you have the chance.
Sharing fries can be a relationship dealbreaker.
Your GF just learned a hard lesson. Sorry to hear she was a little salty about it.
Good Luck.