Most of us have had to go on some kind of health improvement journey at some point, whether it was to improve our sleep, eat more vegetables, lose weight, or something similar.
We would generally all agree that those journeys have their hard moments, and sometimes, cravings can be really hard to ignore, sometimes to the point of daydreaming or even dreaming about them.
But most of us haven’t been burdened by sleepwalking because of our cravings, only to be blamed for it later, the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subreddit emphasized.
Redditor wifeisasleepeater wanted to be supportive of his wife as she worked on eating healthier foods and losing weight, but he could not help but notice that she did not seem to be actually losing weight.
When the family discovered that his wife was eating while halfway asleep at night, the Original Poster (OP) felt inclined to blame his wife for her lack of progress, as well as his daughter’s frustrations about all of the snacks constantly disappearing from their home.
He asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting by telling my wife that her sleep-eating is messing up our family and her weight loss?”
The OP was supportive of his wife’s health journey.
“I’m a dad (mid-30s), and my wife (also mid-30s) is plump and always has been since I’ve met her.”
“I’m happy with her body how it is, but she really wants to lose weight, and she’s been dieting and trying to work out more.”
“It’s not like extreme or anything, but she’s been refusing a lot of foods she used to just eat without thinking. Like no garlic bread, no ice cream, no this, no that.”
But the OP’s wife developed a weird habit while cutting out foods.
“That’s fine, it’s her body, but because of that, she’s been getting super hungry at night and doing this thing where she wakes up and eats, but is like half-asleep? She doesn’t remember most of it.”
“It’s not just one thing, either. It’s sweet stuff, salty stuff, leftovers, and also other people’s snacks.”
“Even like the lunch meat we buy so our daughter can make herself sandwiches when she’s home alone. That’s the part that annoys me the most because then our kid opens the fridge and there’s nothing for her.”
“My wife always apologizes every time with an ‘I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to,’ etc.”
“But then, it keeps happening anyway, so my daughter and I started hiding our snacks, which feels really stupid to do in your own home, but we were tired of stuff getting eaten.”
The sleep-eating started to come between the OP’s wife and daughter.
“So here’s the thing: our daughter has a long-distance friend, and they sent her a chocolate box from a local shop as an early Valentine’s Day gift.”
“She was really excited about it, and she didn’t want them to melt, so she put the box in our new deep freezer. She figured my wife wouldn’t look there, because we don’t really keep anything in it yet.”
“The next day after dinner, she went to get the chocolates, opened the box, and half of them were gone. She got mad, like really mad, and started yelling.”
“My wife was crying, saying that she was sorry and she didn’t remember doing it.”
“Then I jumped in, and told my wife that this is what’s straining things between her, me, and our daughter, and honestly, probably part of why she’s not losing weight, because she’s basically binge eating in her sleep after not eating what she actually wants all day.”
The OP’s wife did not take that feedback well.
“She said I’m blaming her for something she can’t control and that I’m fat-shaming her and making her feel disgusting.”
“I wasn’t trying to shame her, and I literally don’t care about her weight. I just care that our daughter is upset and our food keeps getting taken, and the house is in such distress over snacks.”
“Now she’s giving our daughter the cold shoulder, even after she apologized for yelling at her, and I feel like I made everything worse by saying anything at all.”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some understood why the OP and his daughter were frustrated, but they were also concerned about the wife and urged her to see a doctor.
“This sounds like a sleep disorder to me. I don’t know why others are saying you shouldn’t believe she doesn’t remember. It’s totally possible, people do many unusual things as sleepwalking. She should see a doctor about this.” – ciangelic
“OP, this is a sleep disorder. It’s a parasomnia. My mom had it too. It’s related to sleepwalking and night terrors.” – Melissaru
“I was just going to suggest a lock! I’d recommend a lock that only OP and their daughter know the combination to. The lock gets locked at night and comes off during the day.”
“This very well could be a sleep disorder, you’d be surprised what things people do when ‘sleep walking.’ Someone once bought a plane ticket and flew to another state while taking Ambien. Didn’t wake up until after they landed.”
“That being said, I do think your wife owes an apology to your daughter for giving her the cold shoulder. Even though the sleep eating is likely not something she can control, her reaction to the situation is. She is a parent, and she needs to understand the way she reacted to your daughter will leave a lasting impression on her. NOR.” – lylalexie
“She needs to do a sleep study. It’s not normal to sleep-eat. I do believe that it’s possible that she can’t remember. This sounds like a sleep disorder, or a binge eating disorder.”
“Either way, she needs to see a doctor about it.”
“She should be practicing volume eating if she’s trying to lose weight; it’s maximum quantity for lowest calories. Tons of filling vegetables are a cornerstone, it’s trying to stay full on slowly digesting vegetable dietary fiber. She can’t just eat less and expect to be starving all the time.”
“This is a multifaceted issue. But the first thing needs to be seeing a doctor for a sleep study and understanding why she’s sleepwalking and sleep binge eating.” – umamifiend
“I’m a very ‘active’ sleeper and often wake up in the middle of whatever dream activity I’m doing. Holding my blankets like I’m reading a book, arguing with someone, halfway off the foot of my bed upside down…. And yes, once I bit into the corner of my phone so hard I cracked the screen protector. I don’t have context for that one.” – melxcharm
A few confirmed in response that sleep-eating was possible.
“A lot of people are saying she’s lying about not remembering, and I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt because my father used to sleep-walk-eat ice cream in the middle of the night.”
“He had no weight issues, didn’t deprive himself, ate ice cream during waking hours, so again, it wasn’t deprivation, it was just a weird nocturnal thing.”
“Either way, she needs help, even a sleep study, maybe. I think reiterating that if she can’t control it, there’s a medical issue and pressing her to go to a doctor is the way to go.” – trashhighway
“I had a friend whose older sister used to do this, and she would bring the food back into bed with her and fall asleep with it. Sometimes she’d eat it, and sometimes she’d cuddle it.” – abiglumpwithknobs1
“Sleep-walk-eating is a very real thing, but she didn’t start doing this until she started dieting. My guess is she needs a nutritionist to guide her daytime eating, and that should make the nighttime eating stop again.” – Farmwifehw77
“I am scheduled for a sleep study coming up this year for a variety of reasons, one of which is that if I fall asleep hungry, I have woken up the next day with terrible stomach aches and empty food containers on the counter that I have no recollection of eating.”
“Sleep eating is a real thing, and honestly, I have no judgment for this post except your wife needs to get a sleep study done.”
“There are other things she might be doing in her sleep that she is unaware of, and/or she could have sleep apnea or any other number of sleep disorders.”
“Support each other, and forgive for now. If your wife refuses to get a sleep study done or go to the doctor, that would be another matter entirely. Best of luck, OP.” – TheMaidenOfDragons
The subReddit could understand the frustrations that the OP and his daughter were facing, especially when their favorite snacks, lunch options, and special gifts kept disappearing before they could enjoy them.
However, it sounded to most of the subReddit like this was a situation that needed to be addressed with a doctor, just to see if this was something that needed to be treated.
There was a real possibility that her body was crying out for help after cutting out a lot of foods, and she needed help to balance her diet, so she could be healthy and get some sleep at night, while her family could go back to enjoying their snacks without hiding them.