Constantly changing plans to accommodate loved ones can lead to a lot of family turmoil.
There always seems to be a family member or two who are expected to go along with everything because they’re the ‘solid’ ones.
This is often a popular bone of contention when it comes to relationships among siblings.
But even ‘solid’ people have their breaking points.
Redditor Tiny_Credit_3020 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA (29 F[emale]) for not selling my wrestling tickets to attend my brother’s (22 M[ale]) G[irl]F[riend]’s (23 F) rescheduled baby shower?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m the oldest of three.”
“I’m just looking for an outside perspective.”
“Right now, my mom and younger sister (17) live with me.”
“Our brother moved out in November; he’s the middle kid.”
“I bought tickets for a wrestling P[ay]-P[er]-V[iew] on Feb 28 and planned to go with my sister.”
“The baby shower was originally set for the first weekend of March, which worked for everyone.”
“But it was recently moved to the same day as the event, even though they knew we already had plans.”
“Our brother took a plea deal and is about to serve 20 days in jail.”
“He has to turn himself in on Monday, so they didn’t want to hold it after.”
“And I wasn’t told why it would be so bad to move it even sooner.”
“When we first met, she thought I was a random girl hugging him.”
“Even after he explained, I’m his sister, she didn’t talk to me the rest of the day because she was embarrassed.”
“I’ve still tried to be supportive because, duh, she’s gonna have my niece.”
“I helped plan the original shower with my mom, bought gifts, and drove her to appointments a couple of times when no one else could because driving while pregnant makes her nervous.”
“I wasn’t really bothered by how awkward things were, but I wanted to be nice.”
“Now the shower will be at my house.”
“Mind you, no one asked me about this.”
“But I didn’t want to fight about it, so I let it go, which I regret now.”
“The plan is just immediate family, with some games and cake.”
“Even if I could resell the tickets, I don’t want to.”
“This was planned well in advance, and my sister is really excited.”
“She’s even said she’s willing to give up the event to keep the peace.”
“But I don’t want her to keep seeing me give in to keep others happy, especially when it affects her too.”
“Under other circumstances, I’d probably be more flexible.”
“But my life keeps getting rearranged because of my brother’s bad decisions.”
“I paid half his lawyer fees and $7,000 toward his bail.”
“He’s lucky to be getting only 20 days.”
“The only other thing is that I said I won’t help with another car, and that didn’t go over well, but I’ve stuck to it.”
“I love him, but I’m literally so tired.”
“It feels like the shower got rescheduled with the assumption we’d just adjust again.”
“I’m over being the Oldest Daughter who always absorbs the fallout.”
“Being expected to just go along with it feels really disrespectful, and I don’t want my sister to lose something she’s looked forward to because of another one of his choices.”
“I said we’re still going to the event, and I won’t resell.”
“Now I’m being told I’m selfish and choosing something silly over family.”
“Honestly, it pissed me off, but I didn’t start a fight outright.”
“I just said we’re still going.”
“I think they’re anxious about her going into labor while my brother is gone, and some of that stress is being aimed at me.”
“I’ve started to second-guess because I do have time to sell.”
“My mom said maybe this isn’t the hill to die on, but when do I stop rolling over?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for sticking with my original plans instead of attending the rescheduled baby shower?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“I think you should go to the match, it’s not your fault, it was rescheduled, you are not responsible for anyone’s choices, but your own.”
“Have a great time.” ~ Ok_Example1664
“NTA. Why couldn’t your brother just start his sentence straight away, so he would be out by the time of the birth?”
“What a strange kind of legal system that lets people just hand themselves into jail at their leisure.”
“In any event, they rescheduled on a day you can’t make it.”
“This is on them.” ~ No_Control8031
“Hey OP, you’re NTA.”
“Everyone knew your plans, including your mom, and they could have EASILY picked the day before or after your event.”
“They chose your day intentionally, and your mom knew and did nothing.”
“Stop letting her bully you while keeping your brother on a pedestal.”
“Keep your plans, make sure to set the right example for your sister.”
“Otherwise, she’ll feel just as unimportant as you do.” ~ Zealousideal_Word116
“NTA – they knew you had plans with your little sister.”
“Them scheduling it for when you had plans is their own problem, and they cannot be upset if you can’t make it.”
“Also, it’s at your house without actually asking you?”
“THAT is a major line cross for me. I wouldn’t be allowing that, especially with how much grief they’re giving you.”
“But that is up to you.”
“I say go to the wrestling event and have a camera installed in your house, whether or not you allow the baby shower to take place at your house.”
“I know your mom would be there, but better safe than sorry.” ~ KrzyLdy
“NTA, your brother’s poor life choices don’t mean you need to bend over backwards to accommodate the change, especially when you have done more than you needed to already.”
“Don’t sell the tickets, and start setting much firmer boundaries now, as if you give in, you’re probably going to end up raising that kid, given your brother and his partner sound completely useless.” ~ Hailstar07
“NTA, it seems you’ve already bent over backwards to help your family, and there’s a point where you need to just say no more.”
“If the event is local for you, is it possible to hold the baby shower earlier in the day so you and your sister can still attend, even if for a short while?”
“I know the event you’re talking about, and those tickets are not cheap.”
“Go and take your sister and have fun.”
“That should be a hell of a show.” ~ Shark1986
“They chose a day they knew you were busy.”
“Suspicious minds might say deliberately.”
“Bet if you offered to buy a car, they’d move it darn quick.”
“Can’t they have the shower earlier in the day so you can still go to the match in the evening?”
“But even if not, NTA.”
“Go to the match.” ~ Rare_Sugar_7927
“Don’t sell.”
“There’s never a ‘good’ hill to die on, just the point where there’s nothing left to give. “
“You’re at that point. NTA.”
“They expect you to bend over backwards for your brother and now also for his baby mama.”
“Don’t. These are his mistakes to clean up.” ~ Aggressive_Cup8452
“Exactly! Someone needs to pay attention to this sister so she doesn’t turn out like the brother and his baby momma.”
“Sometimes, culturally, families put more emphasis on the boys, even if they’re total a**holes and the girls suffer.”
“It sounds like this may be the case.”
“Maybe your mom should move in with her golden child – that lovely son of hers.”
“Maybe she should find tens of thousands of dollars to help him out of speeding tickets!”
“They’re speeding tickets, you have to be a special kind of tool to go to jail over traffic violations.”
“If he’s her top priority, maybe she should rely on him to take care of her?”
“I get it’s your mom, but she needs a hardcore reality check.” ~ zizzlesticks
“If you abandon yourself so they don’t feel uncomfortable ever, you will be resentful.”
“They decided to have a baby together, and he decided to get so many speeding fines that he had to go to jail.”
“No one is obligated to give them presents and say ‘congrats on bub’ and attend a party they rescheduled due to jail time.”
“No one has to change things around because bro is a criminal.”
“Stick to the facts.”
“It’s not your job to stop them from feeling disappointment, and you don’t reward bad behavior, including disrespect. NTA.” ~ HedyHarlowe
“NTA. They could have moved it one day after your event, plus they knew you two already had plans.”
“Don’t let your sister down.”
“And maybe it’s time to ask your mom to move out, and that you are not helping them anymore financially.”
“Best of luck.”
“Stay strong and don’t back down.”
“Hope you two enjoy the matches.”
“Have a blast.” ~ babydtheone
“NTA, and you would be completely justified to light their asses up about just who exactly has the gall to call someone else selfish.”
“ESPECIALLY when you have gone out of your way to support and accommodate these perspectiveless turds.”
“Let ’em know while your love may be unconditional, your help is not, so they better get an attitude adjustment real quick or figure their own s**t out.” ~ gleenglass
“NTA, the world doesn’t stop just because of the consequences of his criminal act or because he and his partner reproduced… lol.”
“The couple doesn’t need your attendance to celebrate.”
“You’ve already shown support.”
“I like celebrating babies, but I wouldn’t give up expensive tickets to an already scheduled event to attend what’s ultimately a gift grab.”
“If anyone gives you grief again, you can tell them you’ve already sacrificed enough to account for his poor choices, that he’s already getting plenty of attention, and that surely they have more to worry about than a baby shower.” ~ paul_rudds_drag_race
Reddit is with you, OP.
Reddit is 1000% on your side.
Go to the match!
Stay strong for you and your sister!
You don’t owe your family your entire life.
Good Luck!