Sometimes family just can’t help but to find a way into personal, intimate relationships.
Parents can have a hard time letting go—especially if they don’t fully agree with their child’s choice of partner.
That is when partners circle the wagons and defend one another. Even in “peculiar” situations.
Or not…
Case in point…
Redditor ThrowAwatOpento wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling my wife’s family our secret?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (28M[ale]) have been with my wife, Rebecca, (29F[emale]) for four years.”
“Rebecca comes from a very religious family and we have hidden a lot of aspects about our marriage.”
“We have some contact with them and only see them on holidays and special occasions, like weddings or baby showers.”
“One of the biggest things they disapprove of was not having our wedding in a church. It was such a big deal that we now hide aspects of our marriage, like the fact we are going to be childfree.”
“One thing the family does not know about is that Rebecca and I have an open marriage and have had an open relationship ever since we started dating.”
“So I was meeting up with another girl at the bar a few days ago. It was going well and I didn’t notice anything strange.”
“Well, today we went to Rebecca’s sister’s ‘baby shower’ (the large baby shower was canceled since the plague so it really was dinner with her family).”
“We get there and everyone is glaring daggers at me.”
“The whole thing is tense until we get to a slideshow on her sister showing pictures of the nursery and other baby stuff.”
“In the slide show, there was a picture of me with the girl at the bar.”
“It wasn’t an innocent picture and looking at it everyone would think I was cheating.”
“The whole family starts yelling at me and calling me a cheater and how dare I do this to Rebecca.”
“I look at Rebecca for help but she just stays quiet.”
“I try to get them to calm down but nothing is working. So I just yell out Rebecca and I have an open marriage.”
“This causes everyone to start freaking out even more and we quickly leave.”
“I’m in the car with Rebecca and she starts to yell at me about how could I tell her family that.”
“That I completely betrayed her trust and this is probably going to ruin her relationship with the family.”
“I’m angry now and say, ‘So what, you would rather make me out to be a cheater than tell the truth?’”
“The argument continues for the rest of the car ride and she won’t talk to me anymore.”
“I am sleeping on the couch.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Hoo boy, i was so primed to write Y.T.A., but no, NTA.”
“Your wife was perfectly willing to throw you under the bus, and that should put her on the couch, not you.” ~ JudgeJudAITA
“I’d be giving her a choice between coming clean with her family, cutting them off, or divorce.” ~ Pkrudeboy
“Yep this is the angle I’d take to.”
“If someone is in on something with me and doesn’t defend me when push comes to shove then I have no reason to defend them and keep my mouth shut.”
“If you’re going to throw me under the bus when you’re just as complicit as me then you’re coming with me.”
“NTA but you have a serious choice to make either your wife is on your side or it’s time to take out the trash and never look back.”
“I mean how can you trust her now knowing she won’t back you up?” ~ Mrx-02
“Your wife needs to put on her Big Girl pants and deal.”
“Why were the shower hosts trying to out you like a bad episode of Jerry Springer?”
“If their concern was truly for you and your wife, they would have talked to you privately. Offered to pray for you.”
“Instead, they played where they shouldn’t. If I were you guys, I would beat that drum until it breaks.”
“Your marriage is between you two.”
“Your wife does need to stand tall. When people ask questions, just say we love and respect each other very much.”
“We’re not discussing the details of our marriage with any of you.”
“Pull together. NTA.” ~ Maleficent-Ear3571
“I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the reason for her staying quiet at first.”
“I mean not going to lie, there was only the option of coming clean to her family and the way she is treating OP now is what makes her the AH.”
“But I get that she didn’t expect to have a picture of her husband with another woman thrown at her out of nowhere and everyone having a go at their marriage.”
“Anyone would need a minute to digest that. But she has to decide now what’s more important to her, her marriage or the views of her family.”
“I mean who in their right mind thinks ‘my sister/daughter/whatever is being cheated on, oh I know, I’ll get the entire family involved and make it a huge surprise.'”
“I think it’s ESH except OP.” ~ Bonschenverwerter
“Totally NTA. I see comments around OP needing to be more discrete but TBH I think it’s INSANE that someone would put that picture in a baby shower in front of everyone.”
“What’s the point? Humiliating both you and your wife? Even if you had been cheating why would they want to tell your wife that way? What kind of family would do that?”
“So yeah, sounds like they’re a mean (and meddling) bunch, probably the reason why your wife is scared of them knowing who she really is. But that’s not a real family relationship.”
“If they can’t love her for who she is, then screw them.”
“You did nothing wrong, they cornered you.”
“What did your wife expect? That you’d shoulder all the blame and she’d be the poor wife who forgave a cheater?” ~frikipiji
“I agree, the OP is definitely NTA. I can’t believe his wife was just going to sit there and let everyone yell at him and think the worst.” ~ Cajs0712
“NTA. Your wife would rather you look like an awful cheater than tell the truth to her family and that is messed up.” ~ Fuzzy-Ad559
Well if OP doesn’t feel backed up by his wife, he certainly has support from Reddit.
Relationships, love, sex, religion, that is already an explosive situation.
Throw in an open relationship and KABOOM!!
There is a lot to sort out here. Hopefully it all ends with less drama than necessary.