We’ve all heard of nightmare roommates, and some of us have even lived with them.
Looking back on it, the sneaky truth is that they probably didn’t start off being a total nightmare.
They likely disrespected our boundaries in small ways in the beginning, which set a precedent for something worse, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Big-Performance9785 found himself potentially at the beginning of this cycle when his roommate ate the leftovers he’d been looking forward to eating and even labeled “Do Not Eat,” so there would be no confusion between the roommates.
When she ate the leftovers anyway because she did not feel like cooking, the Original Poster (OP) later refused to drive her to work because he did not want to offer transport to someone who did not respect his boundaries.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to drive my roommate to work after she ate my ‘special’ leftovers?”
The OP recently made a dish that meant a great deal to him.
“I (26 Male) live with my roommate, Sarah (25 Female), and overall we get along well.”
“However, something happened recently, and I can’t decide if I’m overreacting.”
“A little backstory: I love to cook, and I sometimes make these fancy meals as a treat for myself. Last week, I made an amazing batch of lasagna from a family recipe that’s been passed down for generations.”
“I was super excited about it and specifically set aside one last piece in the fridge for myself to enjoy after a long workday. I even labeled it, ‘DO NOT EAT.'”
The OP was angry when Sarah crossed a very straight-forward boundary.
“Well, yesterday, I came home from work and opened the fridge, only to find that my lasagna was gone!”
“I immediately asked Sarah about it, and she admitted she ate it.”
“Her excuse? ‘I didn’t feel like cooking, and I thought you wouldn’t mind because we always share food.'”
“I was LIVID, because this wasn’t just any meal; it was a special family recipe, and I’d been looking forward to it all day.”
“I told her that it was really inconsiderate, especially since I labeled it, and that she should have asked first.”
“She apologized, but it didn’t feel genuine.”
The OP decided to return the favor.
“This morning, Sarah asked if I could give her a ride to work because her car was in the shop.”
“Normally, I’d have no problem helping out, but I was still salty about the lasagna incident and told her, ‘Sorry, I’m not feeling generous today.'”
“She ended up having to take an Uber and was clearly upset, saying I was being petty.”
“Now I’m starting to wonder if I overreacted. She did apologize for eating my food, but I’m still annoyed.”
“Was I wrong for refusing to drive her to work after she ate my leftovers, or was I justified in standing my ground?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the note the OP left put him in the clear.
“NTA. You marked it ‘Do Not Eat.’ She ate it anyway. You can feel as salty as you want for as long as you want. I’d hold my ground until the apologies feel more genuine.” – Mcflappy89
“‘Do Not Eat.’ I don’t know how much more clear OP could have been. The roommate just doesn’t give a s**t about OP, plain and simple.”
“NTA.” – DankyMcJangles
“You’re not overreacting. Sarah disregarded your boundaries by eating your special meal. Your response was a fair consequence for her lack of respect.” – Radisli
“‘I didn’t think you would mind’ is total bulls**t, given the situation. She didn’t care about how you’d feel; she just didn’t want to cook or go get anything, even though you had already made the lasagna for yourself and planned to eat it for dinner.”
“So why would she expect you to go out of your way to save her from having to do something like take an Uber? The nerve of it.”
“By eating the lasagna that wasn’t hers and that she knew you didn’t want to share, she switched from a household where roommates help each other to one where it’s all about taking what you want and getting away with things.”
“She can’t have it both ways. If she wants to go back to the former arrangement, she’ll need to make a real effort to repair the relationship. Let her know that.”
“NTA.” – Elegant_Reindeer_250
“NTA. You set a boundary with your stuff, and she clearly crossed it. It’s important to hold the line on personal boundaries because otherwise, people walk all over you.” – Early-Possibility367
“Nope. NTA. What part of ‘DO NOT EAT’ did she not understand? She was too lazy to cook her own food so she stole yours, again, specifically labeled ‘Do Not Eat.'”
“Good for you for answering you’re not feeling generous. Maybe that’ll stop her from stealing your food.”
“She’s definitely an AH. Her excuse doesn’t fly. You’re her only roommate, I assume, and the message you wrote on your leftovers was obviously directed at her. She just didn’t care.” – GlimmerSeeker
“NTA. It would be one thing if you hadn’t labeled it. Even if you hadn’t, it’s pretty entitled to eat your last piece of something. But you did label it and she went ahead and ate it anyway.”
“I would not have driven her either. To me, it’s not even petty. It’s just repercussions for actions.” – RHND2020
“NTA.”
“I knew a person who had this problem with a roommate. He resolved it by getting a small plastic pet carrier and a pad lock. The food items that he definitely did not want the roommate to eat went into the pet carrier and were locked and put in the fridge.”
“This worked for a year or two until the roommate actually had the audacity to get bolt cutters and cut off the lock because ‘you were being selfish.'”
“This led to a fistfight. They did not live together much longer after that. (Charges were eventually dropped, because yes, the neighbors called the police to break it up.)”
“This seems like a common problem. I don’t understand the impulse control issue that seems to be at the heart of it. Or is it just entitled behavior? I LOVE ice cream. Like I REALLY love ice cream. My partner loves ice cream but not as much as I do.”
“When we buy it, we get a pint for each of us. Mine is gone in a few days. His might sit in the freezer for a couple of weeks until he decides that he wants to eat it. It NEVER crosses my mind to eat his ice cream.”
“If I want more, I’ll buy more. I don’t eat the one he selected for himself. If a roommate wants the same snacks their roommate has, they can buy some. How is that so difficult?” – enchylatta
Others reassured the OP they would continue to be petty for the foreseeable future.
“The roommate clearly only ‘cares’ when it suits her. Make sure you cook for one from now on. You could take leftovers with you if you make more than one serving.” – Hawk73Cub16
“They have lock boxes for the fridge on Amazon. I would 100% get one and go all out cooking delicious food to put in them for the foreseeable future.”
“Even though she wasn’t smart enough to read and comprehend your note, if you think she IS somehow smart enough to break into the lock box, you could instead get a lock for your bedroom door and a mini fridge instead.” – DizzyEmotion7381
“NTA. Uber’s price can offset the price of food. You might wanna get a new roommate, though.” – diplodots
“NTA. She feels entitled to eat your food, and entitled to your time and gasoline as well. She’s not owed a ride or anything else.” – SicklyChild
“You are NTA. Her apology was not sincere. She needed to have the message sent loud and clear. She saw the ‘Do Not Eat’ sign.”
“She CHOSE to be disrespectful and inconsiderate. She completely disregarded you. She needs to think about this. Maybe now she will be more considerate.” – Resident_Style8598
“NTA. That’s what you get for constantly disrespecting other people’s property. ‘Oh, I keep stealing from you all the time. How DARE you, not doing me favors on top of it?'”
“Maybe it’s petty, but then again: you even put a note to it and she ate it all! She was like, ‘I didn’t feel like cooking, so I decided to steal from you. I thought it was all right, because I always steal from you!’… There, I corrected it for you!”
“Maybe withholding a ride was a little petty since it was for work, but honestly, she expects your food, your gas, your mileage, your time… Who does she think she is? Maybe she’s due a healthy dose of pettiness until she resets her priorities.” – Toply-Spiteful-1288
“NTA. No one has the right to take the food you labeled ‘Do Not Eat,’ except the person who labeled it.”
“I think you behaved in a manner conducive to dealing with a thief, because that’s exactly what it was, theft! It was labeled, it was not hers, she took it and ate it, depriving you of your food, it’s theft.”
“She needs to replace the ingredients so that you can remake the lasagne, and you need to find a way to lock up your leftovers.”
“Here’s hoping you can indulge yourself in family food love again soon!” – SmurfettiBolognese
While everyone could agree that not giving the roommate a ride might have been a little petty, they all backed the OP up on standing his ground, respecting his own boundaries, and teaching his roommate that her actions had consequences.
Eating leftovers from a container marked “Do Not Eat” was such a weird boundary to push, but the concerning thing was that if she was willing to push this boundary, what other boundaries might she push in the future?