Student Confronts Roommate For Trying To Borrow Noise-Cancelling Headphones Without Asking

Sharing a living space can sometimes be involuntary and inevitable.

Most college students are forced to cohabitate in either dorm rooms or apartments for financial reasons. But not all rooming assignments or even vetted roommates turn out amicable.

Different people with different habits and values may not mesh well.

A student turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Pristinelolly asked:

"AITA for refusing to let my roommate borrow my expensive headphones and confronting her when she tried to take them without asking?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"I recently bought a pair of expensive noise canceling headphones. They're really important to me since I need them for studying in our loud apartment."

"My roommate Maggie asked to borrow them to use during her café shift, but I said no because I wasn't comfortable with them leaving the apartment. She wasn't happy and called me ridiculously protective."

"A few days later, I caught her taking them off the counter without asking. I immediately told her to put them back and said I didn't trust her with my stuff anymore."

"Now she's mad at me, saying I'm selfish, and she's been giving me the cold shoulder."

"What's going on with some people? They don't take no as an answer anymore."

"One of our other roommates agrees with me, but another thinks it's no big deal to let her borrow them. I'm wondering if I overreacted by not letting her borrow them and confronting her when she took them."

"AITA?"

The OP summed up their situation.

"I refused to let my roommate borrow my headphones and confronted her when she tried to take them without asking."

"She thinks I'm being overly protective and selfish about something that could've helped her, and maybe confronting her made the situation worse."

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

"NTA at all."

"No is a complete sentence, and her response to being told no is to steal, apparently."

"Don't leave your headphones out in the communal spaces again, unless they are on your head." ~ Full_Pace7666

"NTA! Your entitled roommate can go buy her own pair." ~ SnorkinOrkin

"And you know she's going to lose the OP's headphones and then buy a pair for herself while complaining it's not her fault." ~ whatsmypassword73

"More likely she will 'lose' the headphones and can't afford to replace them."

"Or someone stole them and she can't afford to replace them."

"Or her boyfriend borrowed them, he'll bring them by later. He forgot them. He'll be back on Friday. He lost them and can't afford to replace them." ~ CommercialExotic2038

"NTA. The entitlement and accusations of selfishness speak to a lack of maturity. Invite anyone that agrees with her to purchase some expensive headphones for her themselves if they're so invested in her having some." ~ RoundPeanut606

"NTA. Don't lend things to people who can not—or you suspect will not—pay to replace them unless you can replace it yourself without hardship." ~ FeistyCanuck

"NTA you bought them with YOUR money. She can go buy her own pair of headphones if she needs a pair."

"She's also entitled for thinking she can just take them AFTER you told her no."

"If she loses them or damages them, is she going to replace them with the same ones or give you the money back? Doubt it." ~ Wonderful_Patient_62

"Tell Maggie, 'Stop projecting! If anyone here is being selfish, it's you. These headphones don't belong to you nor were they paid for by you. You don't get to have an opinion or stake a claim on what isn't yours in the first place'."

"'It's very entitled of you to assume ownership over someone else's possessions. If I come home to find them missing at any point, I will assume that you have taken them and report the theft to the police'."

"You're NTA, OP. It's responsible to be protective over things you've bought, not selfish. I suggest getting a lock for your door with a key only you have access to."

"If she's so entitled that she tries to sneak them out of the apartment while you're watching, I wouldn't be surprised in the least if she's 'borrowing' other belongings without asking." ~ RogueSlytherin

"What I'm more perplexed by is the other roommate who also says it's no big to steal headphones. Umm ... what? So now we know they probably use OPs stuff when they're not around, so OP has two roommates they can't trust, not just one. NTA." ~ PhilosophicalWarPig

"NTA. Which part of the word 'no' is she having trouble comprehending?"

"How old is she that she doesn't understand that borrowing without permission is theft, and stealing is inappropriate behavior?" ~ lostinthought1997

"Some people think saying 'please,' or 'asking nicely,' are magic words that obligate you to give them what they want." ~ AlienPet13

"NTA, YOUR belongings are up to YOU to decide when and if to share them. I'm also confused as to why the roommate requested to use them for working in a cafe setting, which is a job that requires human interaction and communication?"

"If she wanted some noise cancelling headphones so badly she could get her own. I can understand not having the money, but save up some weekly allowance for a few weeks and get them or find some cheaper ripoff."

"At BARE MINIMUM, you should always have first priority and to be able to use your own items without having to consult someone else if no deals were previously agreed upon. She dismissed your response, broke your trust and is trying to play victim herself when caught." ~ Complete-Phone-4015

"Also, why is she wearing noise cancelling headphones at work? Doesn't she need to know what's going on around her?"

"I know they don't cancel all noise, but still. Especially at a cafe, where it seems like it could be a safety hazard."

"Your stuff is your own. Period. You are never under any obligation to let others use anything of yours. Period. End of story. NTA." ~ GoblinKing79

"Also for the roommate that's saying you should let her borrow them and it's no big deal, just tell her, she can borrow them once the roommate signs a promissory note to replace them should she break them or lose them—you know, since it's not a big deal."

"Since the other roommate is butting their nose into it and telling OP they're wrong. Pretty sure other roommate wouldn't' agree to cover the cost. NTA." ~ italy2986

"EW! I don't want other people's nasty ear germs on my headphones, inside my house or out. NTA." ~ Next-Wishbone1404

"This is the one I'm looking for. Sharing headphones isn't in the same league as sharing a toothbrush but still she's planning on wearing them to work and get her sweat and grease on them. I'm no germaphobe but that's over my line." ~ scubaian

"Oh, good! I'm glad I'm not the only one yucked out by this request. 'No. You cannot get your germs on my headphones. I do not wish to share sweat and skin cells ON MY EARS!'."

"Human do have unique biomes. Our bodies are used to our balance of microbes, not someone else's. This applies to our skin, too. Would you use someone's used facecloth without washing it on hot first? Ick."

"Also, no way in hell this chick is paying up if she loses/breaks them. NTA. She can buy her own." ~ LK_Feral

"THIS. Headphones are personal items not to be shared among household members. Over the ear noise canceling headphones make contact with facial skin in front of the ears and at the hairline behind it."

"Makeup, sweat, oil, and dead skin accumulate on and inside the earphones. While you can wipe them down, headphones don't get shared. Your roomate can buy her own pair. NTA." ~ Big_Button_6770

"Don't let her or your other roommates confuse you. Your reasons are valid and even if they weren't it's your item!"

"Also, you need a basic level of trust to live together with someone and stealing destroys trust. Keep an eye out on your other stuff and if your room ain't locked then lock it. NTA." ~ midKnightBrown59

"NTA at all!! She can get her own! If she is taking them for a whole shift at work—which she most likely isn't allowed to wear headphones at work anyway—when are you supposed to be able to enjoy using them?"

"Lock them up in your room asap. They will go missing and get broken. Why people feel entitled to your belongings is beyond me—tell her to go buy her own!" ~ SushiMom213

"NTA but now you learned your roommate has no limits other than hers, doesn't care about yours, and she's a thief stealing other people's property."

"Nice combo. I would advise you to be super cautious about the things you value the most and lock them somewhere." ~ ArmyPatate

"ABSOLUTELY NOT! NTA by a veeery long mile"

"Your belongings are yours, and you are absolutely free to choose whether or not you're willing to share them."

"And your roommate is not ENTITLED to YOUR headphones in under any circumstance."

"You can even choose to share your headphones with your other roommates and not her, and she still wouldn't be entitled to them." ~ rhodante

The OP said no. That should be the end of it.