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Woman Calls Out Female Roommate For Never Wearing A Bra In Apartment Around Her Boyfriend

two young women seated on a couch arguing
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The modern brassiere was invented in 1889 by Herminie Cadolle of France.

Numerous patents for bra-like devices were granted in the 19th century before then. As corsets went out of style, demand for bras increased with the product going into mass production in the 1930s.

After over a century of development, a truly comfortable bra is still very difficult if not impossible to come by.

For many women, the first thing they take off when they get home is their bra.

But what if a male visitor is constantly in the home?

Should a woman refrain from going braless?

A woman asking herself that question turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Sleepinginthecold asked:

“AITA for always going braless?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“I live with three other girls. One of them has a boyfriend who is almost always here, even when his girlfriend isn’t.”

“I have always had a habit of going braless in my own home, hence why I choose to live in an apartment were it was only girls for comfort reasons. However, he is unexpectedly there all the time.”

“Nevertheless, his presence doesn’t stop me from not wearing a bra.”

“Recently, my roommate has come up to me asking if I could wear a bra whenever her boyfriend is over—so always. I rejected it because I felt more comfortable without one.”

“She said it was just weird for her and her boyfriend when I don’t wear a bra because I’m not close with them and it’s like seeing a stranger’s tits. I don’t wear see-through shirts or tanktops where it is overly visible, but t-shirts and sweaters where you can see the outline of my boobs but not them.”

“Therefore, I didn’t really see the problem—even more so since it was my home, not his.”

“One of my other roommates said it was awkward that I don’t wear a bra at home especially since there was a guy in the house a lot who’s dating our roommate.”

“She kinda made me rethink this situation, because maybe I wasn’t being considerate of them.”

“So, AITA for making my roommate and her boyfriend uncomfortable for not wearing a bra?”

The OP added:

“My second roommate doesn’t mind me not having a bra, she just thinks it weird to not wear one when around men. Even more so when that man is dating someone you live with.”

“About why the boyfriend is always here, I don’t know. One of my roommates told me he lives with his mom but I assume it’s because he and his girlfriend have a baby kitten they’re raising.”

“She has 8-hour workdays and can’t leave them alone for a long time, so her boyfriend takes care of them because he is (presumably) a student.”

The OP summed up their conundrum. 

“I think I might be the a**hole for making my roommate and her boyfriend uncomfortable.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

“I can read between the lines here. You and your friends are obviously students at Hogwarts because your friend thinks a bra is an invisibility cloak for boobs.”

“Bra or not, people can still see your boobs and even your nipples. Trying to shame you for being comfortable in your home is out of line. NTA.” ~ KookyButtWise

“NTA. You live there and you pay to live there. You aren’t walking around topless.”

“The roommate’s boyfriend does not live there. If it bothers him, he can not look or they can hang at his place.”

“You shouldn’t have to wear a bra anywhere you don’t want to. Lots of women don’t wear bras at all.” ~ tatersprout

“In fact, it would make more sense if OP asked her roommate if her boyfriend could please stop visiting so much, since it is inconvenient for everyone. NTA.” ~ Reddit

“Especially when she’s not there. He’s not paying rent but is probably using water, electricity, wifi, and their space.”

“I’d tell her that I’m uncomfortable when he’s there and ask her to stop bringing him around so much. She should go to his place. NTA.” ~ GiraffeThoughts

“NTA. It’s time that the tenants review the terms of their lease. The roommate’s BF is closer to being an additional roommate than being a short-term visitor.”

“His long-term presence could be jeopardizing—even violating—their current lease, which could cause a swift eviction for all. If I was a roommate, I’d be questioning his ‘student’ status, as he appears to be closer to ‘freeloading’ off of his GF, perhaps because he doesn’t like living at grandma’s place, or because it’s more convenient to his school.”

“Hmmm… rent, water, electricity, wifi….Does he contribute groceries, clean the place, take out garbage? Oh, wait….he takes care of a kitten! Maybe his one contribution is emptying the litter box.”

“He’s created a ‘job’ that makes him indispensable to his GF. What happens to the kitten/cat when they break up? As a homeowner living near a major university, I see MANY cats released into the city at the end of the second semester every May.” ~ Objective_Royal_3007

“If someone shows up to my home (especially unannounced) while I’m being comfortable and not wearing a bra they can deal with me not wearing a bra. NTA.” ~ pmmeyourfavsongs

“NTA. JFC, make sure you’re not showing too much ankle too.”

“Two layers of fabric between their boyfriend and other boobs aren’t going to make their relationship any better than a single layer of fabric will.”

“Tell them you’ll wear a bra but you want their boyfriend to wear athletic cups while they’re in your house because you don’t want to risk seeing the outline of their d*ck.” ~ zoooeys

“NTA. I don’t always wear a bra even out of the house. I don’t need the support and I hate them.”

“Men with bigger boobs than mine walk around without shirts all the damn time and nobody cares.” ~ theOPwhowaspromised

“I literally never wear bras anymore. It’s a myth that they are healthier for one thing and for another, just let people wear what they want‽‽”

“FREE THE TIDDIES!” ~ unicornhair1991

“NTA. The malicious compliant response would be to get a mad push up bra and start wearing it with low cut tank tops and tell her ‘What? I’m wearing a bra like you asked’.” ~ SwiftLikeTaylorSwift

“Nah, malicious compliance would be wearing JUST a bra.” ~ Clementinetimetine

“NTA. Honestly, the bigger issue is the boyfriend, and the obscene amount of time he’s staying in your house.”

“I could envision you adjusting a bit when he’s there, if he’s coming over for a few hours like biweekly for more formal date nights or something.”

“But if he wants to hang there regularly, then he needs to be adjusting to your living standards, or else you should be requesting him to either pay rent or get the f*ck out of there.” ~ PartyElephant22

“He’s there during the day, with the kitten but without the girlfriend. Every apartment I shared with roommates had a pretty strict rule about guys not being there when their girlfriend wasn’t.”

“If the problem is your boobs being in the apartment when his girlfriend isn’t, he needs to not be there on his own. Take the kitten to his mother’s house to hang out.”

“Having a boyfriend become an extra roommate really sucks. NTA.” ~ kittymarch

“NTA. I’ve had roommates who wear certain things around my boyfriend in the house because they want attention and it’s annoyingly obvious.”

“I also have had roommates who were no bra, whatever and a large tshirt because it’s obvious they just want to be comfortable.”

“As long as you’re not being a ‘pick me’ girl you are good and they are prudes.” ~ godisawoman420

“NTA. Bras should always be optional.”

“I think it’s ridiculous for society to tell women that covering them up isn’t enough, but they also have to make sure they aren’t affected by physics. That’s just stupid.” ~ KaXiRavioli

“NTA. This is your place too. I would die if I had to wear a bra all day in MY HOUSE.”

“I think you should try to kindly let them know that if it bothers them, they should try to spend more time at the guy’s house.” ~ DisastrousPanic3135

“NTA. I mean, that’s literally why you have your own place! So you can be comfortable!” ~ Ixpen

“NTA. This makes no sense. I don’t wear a bra at all, even when I go outside.”

“Is her boyfriend also required to wear a bra? You can see the outline of men’s chest and their nipples through clothes.”

“Even if you wear a bra, it’s still visible that you have breasts underneath.” ~ putinhuylolalala

“NTA. I’ve not worn a bra to work before. Who cares?” Your housemate just needs to let it go.”

“Stay calm and try not to make a thing of it but NTA, bras are awful and uncomfortable.” ~ flattened_apex

“Nope,  NTA. She’s pushing boundaries having him over so much that at this point you can never be comfortable.”

“Have a conversation of ‘Well if he’s not happy with me being comfortable in my own home I pay for when he’s over here, he either needs to suck it up and not look at me or not come over’.”

“Honestly though, I think you guys need to think about getting a place of your own because it is making me uncomfortable with how much he’s over here. Especially when you aren’t here’.”

“He basically lives here and I moved here to be in an all-female place so I could be comfortable. And now you want to dictate what I wear all the time to accommodate him being here rent-free?’.”

“Please sort your problems out or I might need to talk to the landlord about our extra, unauthorized tenant’.” ~ pizzaosaurs

As a lifelong cat owner, no 3-4 month cat requires 24/7 supervision unless it has serious health issues.

His excuse for being there is not credible. He’s loitering in the OP’s home under false pretenses.

And his girlfriend wants OP to dress to take care of her insecurities when the easiest solution is her boyfriend going home.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.