At one time, rooming houses were designated for only men or only women. Of course, this was also before it was common for people to live together before marriage.
Now, shared housing might be a mixture of genders and sexualities. But not everyone is comfortable with such arrangements.
A man who shares his home with two women and two other men turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback, asking “Would I Be The A**hole (WIBTA) about his future scenario.
Majora320 asked:
“WIBTA for refusing to vacate the house when my roommate has her friends over?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (21, male) am in college and live in a shared house with two straight couples, totaling three men and two women, including me. We’re all around college age.”
“One of my roommates (19, female) is planning to host her 20th birthday party soon and invite around 20 people. I really have no problem with this, and some of my other roommates have also hosted parties in the past and we’ve had a good time overall.”
“However, this time she says that she’s planning to have some of her friends sleep over and that ‘a couple of them are not comfortable with sleeping in the same house with men they don’t know’.”
“She wants me and my friend (the other man in the house) to vacate for the night and sleep somewhere else, presumably letting her own boyfriend stay. This is over spring break, so she says that we should just go home or stay with friends for the night.”
“The house is quite big, and our bedrooms are both on the opposite side of the house from hers, though I don’t know if she’s planning to have her friends sleep in her room or not.”
“I don’t want to cause undue conflict but I feel like this is a pretty unreasonable request, WIBTA if I said no?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“The action that I would be taking is refusing to vacate the house on the night of my roommate’s party.”
“That would potentially make her friends uncomfortable and put her in an awkward situation with them.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP would not be the a**hole (NTA/WNBTA).
“NTA. That’s an absolutely insane request for her to make.”
“If they aren’t comfortable spending the night with the people who actually live there, they shouldn’t spend the night; it’s your home.” ~ JTBlakeinNYC
“NTA. The only acceptable compromise is if she is offering to book OP and the other make roommate rooms at a decent hotel.”
“Also, lock your rooms unless use of your room/bed is part of the deal.” ~ Ok-Finger-733
“NTA. The only way I’d do that is if the roommate paid for 100% of the hotel I would be staying in and that I had a lock on my bedroom door in the shared house.” ~ LowBalance4404
“Yeah, it sounds like she and her friends planned on having a great guesthouse for their spring break party week- for free!”
“Only problem, unless the two ‘unreliable’ men don’t leave their own home for no reason, the girls won’t have enough free comfy beds to sleep in.” ~ Drustan1
“What a coincidence! You feel uncomfortable with a whole lot of strangers spending the night in your home among your possessions and in your private spaces while you’re not there!”
“See how that works? NTA.” ~ WitchBalls
“NTA. She can ask, but she can’t order. You pay your rent, so it’s your house too. She wants a party, fine. But she doesn’t get to order her housemates around for it.”
“At best, she can offer to pay for lodging for the people she wants to leave as compensation for the inconvenience.” ~ bamf1701
“NTA. The friends could just not sleep over if they are so uncomfortable with it.”
“You don’t kick roommates out. You don’t even ask.” ~ Razergore
“EXACTLY! I had one roommate who tried this, even if it was only for the evening and not for her friends to stay the night.”
“She told (TOLD!) me that she wanted me to leave the flat for the evening while she had her friends over because she wouldn’t feel comfortable having me around on my own.”
“For a bit of context, this was a purely financial arrangement, we were never friends, so we never hung together which explains why I wasn’t supposed to participate in the little get-together.”
“But it was in a town where I knew no one, and I didn’t want to have to kill time alone at the mall and wait until she told me I could come back, especially since I had no guaranty that this would not extend until very late in the evening.”
“I would have been perfectly content to have an early dinner and then stay in my room out of sight, but she had to mess up and try to order me around.”
“So I told her to go f*ck herself, and that I would not let myself be evicted for her convenience, even for one night.”
“I still offered to keep to myself and not bother them, but in the end they had their dinner party somewhere else. As I expected, this didn’t improve our relationship.”
“She was generally a mess honestly, and I ended up leaving the flat a couple months later because she became more and more abusive toward me.” ~ dalaigh93
“NTA. You don’t have to vacate your property for her friend’s comfort. It’s an unreasonable request.”
“No is a complete sentence. If she has a problem with it, oh well.” ~ Advanced_Cranberry_4
“NTA. Don’t even entertain this audacity. Firm ‘No’.”
“From a female who belongs to an extremely conservative culture – no one would be so dumb as to ask a roommate to vacate because they (a third person with no rights to the property) are uncomfortable staying over.”
“We would just go home if it’s such a big deal. Don’t let her pull the culture or gender card on you.” ~ No-Perspective2875
“‘I’m not comfortable with people I don’t know sleeping in my house’ should be the response.” ~ Tiny_Garden_1533
“NTA! It’s your home, no one has any right to ask you to leave. If they don’t feel comfortable staying over then they can stay the night somewhere else.” ~ camlabs10
“No, f*ck that. It’s YOUR HOME just as much as your roommate’s. They can sleep`on the floor for all you care. NTA.” ~ Balawulf
“Sounds like they need to find a new place to stay for this party. Why should you leave your own house to make someone else’s guest comfortable?” ~ Conscious_Abalone889
“If it’s an inconvenience to you then tell her friends to get a hotel. If you do decide to leave, make sure there’s a lock on your door so no one enters. No reason for you to leave when you are paying rent.” ~ 18k_gold
“Tell her, ‘Unfortunately you have decided to host your party at a home where men live, which means guests will need to decide if they’re ok with that and RSVP no if they’re not. Literally none of this is my responsibility and I will not be vacating my home. Please adjust your expectations accordingly’.”
“In writing, so there’s no ambiguity.
“Why can’t one of the women-only guests host it instead? Why can’t they all get an Airbnb?”
“Many options. None of them have to involve you. NTA.” ~ Catfactss
“You pay rent, so that’s a no. NTA.”
“If you’re not there, only God knows what’s gonna happen in your bedroom. I’d make sure nobody came into my room.” ~ dell828
“NTA. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t feel comfortable with a large number of strangers being in my home, with access to my valuables, and with the potential for damage, without me being present’.”
“Trust works in both directions. Her friends apparently can’t trust you, but you have to trust them?” ~ SienteElBern
“NTA, not your problem. Her party, her problem. She can get them Ubers to a hotel if they refuse to sleep in a share house with the other people who live there.”
“Or they can go home, which is not an option for you as THIS IS YOUR HOME!” ~ hollyjazzy
“NTA. You live there and if your housemate vouching for you isn’t good enough then the people who don’t take that vouching can get an Uber or have a designated driver.”
“If your housemate trusts enough to live with you and is friends with these people, they should trust her that they can spend one night under the same roof as you.”
“If she wants somewhere no one else will be she can hire a venue.” ~ lemon_charlie
“NTA, that is a wildly inappropriate and frankly extremely entitled request. Is she out of her f*cking mind‽‽” ~ Independent-Flan-486
“It’s ridiculous of her to have this expectation.”
“If her friends are uncomfortable with your presence in your home they need to make alternative arrangements, like staying in their own.”
“If you do decide to vacate as per her wishes, lock your room. Their ‘discomfort’ with you being there may not extend to staying out of your room—or more likely, using your bed.” ~ cressidacole
While making guests comfortable is the goal of any good party host, ousting people from their own home isn’t the way to do it.