Living dynamics can be amazing until people bring in significant others.
For Redditor AdDazzling4731, their living dynamic just got shaken up when their roommate’s girlfriend accused them of flirting with her boyfriend.
The Original Poster (OP) turned to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for advice.
They asked,
“AITA for showing texts to my roommate that his girlfriend sent me?”
They went on to explain.
“I rent a room in a house with my boyfriend and his best friend, Eric. We are all in our 30s and have lived in this home since college.”
“Eric has a girlfriend, around six months, who stays over named Amanda.”
“(Amanda doesn’t live with us) Last night we were all Star Wars fans, so we decided to binge-watch some episodes and get pizza.”
“Amanda wanted to use her Disney+ account, but mine is already logged into the tv in the living room. We get our pizza, snacks, wine and beer.”
“I left my phone in my bedroom because I like to unplug after work.”
“After movie night, I go see my phone before bed, and there are pages of text about how Amanda wants me to stop doing things for her “man,” including start using her Disney+ account on our tv.”
“I’m not allowed to cook or grab him things. The list goes on to where she accuses me of flirting with ‘her man.’”
“The thing is a ridiculous wall of text, and I’m showing this to my boyfriend before we go to sleep.”
“He said Eric needed to see this, so I screenshot page after page Amanda sent while we watched the New Trilogy. I hear them argue, and Amanda slams the door to leave around 3 am.”
“I told my coworker today, and few thought I was being petty because Amanda has insecurities she needs to work through, and I bullied her about them by sharing her texts with her boyfriend.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA- The fact her breaking point was disney+ is wild.”
“But let’s be fr, you probably saved him from a possessive gf.”
“‘I told my coworker today, and few thought I was being petty because Amanda has insecurities she needs to work through, and I bullied her about them by sharing her texts with her boyfriend.’”
“You definitely weren’t petty. She sent you a long ridiculous message, a you and your bf thought this was something he needed to see.”
“She definitely has insecurities, but she went about that soo badly to send some bs like that. Wasn’t a bullying situation, I’d be wary of those coworkers if thats truly their opinion.” – KryoChamber
“NTA The only thing crazier than Amanda is your coworker’s ridiculous take on the matter.” – Tootie0
“NTA – Wouldn’t you want to know if your partner was acting like a lunatic and alienating your friends?”
“You didn’t cause this, she did – so don’t feel bad that he wasn’t willing to tolerate her behavior. Most sane people wouldn’t.” – C_Alex_author
“If Amanda has insecurities to work through then she can do that but they’re HER insecurities.”
“She doesn’t get to dictate how you interact with a friend when that interaction is completely appropriate and you have a boyfriend anyway.”
“EDIT FOR VERDICT. NTA.” – GlesgaD2018
“NTA. Speaking for all of guy-dom, Eric needs to know this about his girlfriend.” – TaliesinWI
“NTA”
“I had to re-read the ages here twice. Perfect case of not your circus, not your monkey. She involved you so you took it to the person who needed to fix the issue.” – okayish_22
“Yeah, the ages got me too. Amanda sounds like a teenager with the “her man” comments over Disney+. NTA OP.”
“You probably saved your friend from some psycho bs later down the road. It’s weird that your co-workers think you were wrong for this.” – ItsMeTittsMGee
“NTA Seriously… your disney account is an issue. Your disney account on your tv.. SCANDALOUS! clearly you’re trained in the arts of seduction!” – airpillow
“NTA. People don’t get to “work through their insecurities” by dictating what someone else can do in their own home, with a roommate they had longer than she’s been the girlfriend.”
“The actual nerve of some people blows my mind.” – PNWPainter02
“NTA. Pfft you bullied HER? She tried to dictate how you should act in your own home. She’s trying to control her boyfriend.” – throwaway798319
“NTA. If I am Eric, I am thanking you the next time I see you for getting me away from the crazy.” – therandomfunone
“NTA.”
“The only reason you wouldn’t tell Eric is because you’re trying to protect Amanda at the same time as she’s making an enemy of you.”
“Pretend that you decided to keep it a secret from Eric—I don’t know how tight you are with him, but you would have a new barrier between you because of the secret, and there’s no reason you should have to deal with that.” – bigcup321
“NTA”
“You couldn’t NOT tell Eric that his girlfriend had berated you for…well, for being a pleasant roommate and for using your streaming service in your home and your alternatives to sharing Amanda’s texts were”
“1. to attempt to paraphrase them, which (depending the wording) either would have failed to convey the full level of craziness or made you appear completely unhinged ….”
“Or”
“2) to have your boyfriend describe what Amanda said to you…”
“which would have (depending the wording) either would have failed to convey the full level of craziness or made you & your boyfriend sound completely unhinged ….”
“…until you were, inevitably, forced to clear it up by showing Eric what Amanda actually said.”
“You just cut out the unnecessary second act of a three act play.” – rapt2right
“IMO NTA. Yes, she has insecurities that she should work through but not by sending a text wall of complaints/orders to someone who is right there in the apt with you.”
“I think she was marking her territory.” – Narrow-Initiative-80
“NTA. When I was in my 20s, my girlfriend tried to pull that sh*t with my best friend, and I was stupid enough to stay with her.”
“Long story short, divorcing someone with borderline personality disorder is not fun. I hope your friend reconsiders this relationship.” – 1965BenlyTouring150
“NTA. Amanda went nuclear and got hit by the fallout.”
“Look, this was creating a potential problem between you and your roommate, that is the best friend of your best friend. He deserved a crack at the problem.” – atmasabr
“NTA. The timing for sending the screenshots may have been a little off.”
“Maybe sending them the next morning or at least not when all of you were still under the same roof at the same time would have been better. But yeah, the friend needed to know about the texts.” – chameleiana
“NTA. I would consider that harassment, lol.”
“And I’m sure Eric is well aware of her ability to write novels, but that doesn’t mean you should become subject to it as well.”
“Of course, it could’ve been handled more tactfully, as you’ve indicated, but I don’t think that’s something you should beat yourself up about.”
“Insecure, manic, whatever she’s got going on, it’s her responsibility to take care of that and have some level of social awareness.” – sk_coby
“This is about as NTA as it gets. She can work through her insecurities all she wants, but she doesn’t get to bother you with them.”
“Additionally, if she’s this bad while not living with him and in less than a year, what kind of life would the guy have if nobody warned him and everyone just did what she demands?”
“This screams abusive tendencies.” – fotomiep
“NTA she sounded like a little controlling, just 6 months into a relationship and she acts like that? Unless she has a reason to be jealous of you, then that’s a different story.”
“Sure she has some insecurities, and she needs to work on that rather than blow off on other people.”
“And your friend has the right to know because rather than sending you long messages, she should have spoken with her bf first and told him how she feels.”
“Communication is key to a successful relationship. What’s a relationship without trust?..” – Zarthebeast
“NTA here. This is legitimately a human telling YOU how to live.”
“Notice she isn’t saying this to her boyfriend because she’s trying to hide how controlling she wants to be.”
“You didn’t exploit insecurity. You simple didn’t let her try to control you and, by extension, him. I’d 100 percent want to know this info.” – momsterjams
“NTA. Your coworkers . . . lack intelligence (to put it politely) and you should avoid taking advice from them in the future.”
“Of course, your roommate needs to see the unhinged messages his GF sent you.”
“Yes, they’re obviously coming from a place of insecurity, but we ALL have insecurities, and the rest of us don’t get to act like that either.” – dembowthennow
“NTA. It’s pretty simple: the moment she sent you those texts, it became your own personal problem, and you’re allowed to share your personal problems with anyone, including her boyfriends”
“F*ck that.” – chacalgamer
Hopefully, the OP’s roommate gets out of this toxic relationship soon.
Or, at the very least, set boundaries about this kind of textual communication with his roommates.