It’s incredibly easy to pass judgment on others based on one little thing they say or do.
Sometimes, upon further investigation, your assumptions prove to be correct.
In other cases, however, you might learn that your first impression of this individual turned out to be false, and find yourself biting your words.
Redditor sonofapeachh found themself under unexpected scrutiny at a game night they were hosting.
All because they made an effort not to bring down the jovial mood of the evening.
Unwilling to take this sitting down, however, the original poster (OP) wasted no time in defending themself.
Which may have helped them regain their confidence, but did little to reignite the dampened mood.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for ruining game night by telling the truth?”
The OP explained why they were less than willing to let slide a not-so-subtle jab directed at them by one of their guests.
“A few nights ago, I hosted a game night for a small group of friends (we had all been quarantining and following the proper guidelines in my county).”
“It was only going to be 5 of us (including me), but one of my friends texted me last minute that she was going to bring a coworker from work (Matt-fake name).”
“Fine with me.”
“We started playing a card game where you answer questions about yourself; based on the level (Level 1, 2, 3), the question could be extremely surface level (ex. what’s your favorite color?) to something deeper (ex. what characteristic of yourself do you not like about yourself?).”
“Everyone was enjoying themselves, and I was happy with the way things were going.”
“Cue a question I drew: ‘What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to go through?'”
“Some backstory: My sister passed away a few years ago when I was still in high school.”
“I was pulled out of class and flew immediately to her college and watched her die in the ICU.”
“Needless to say, this is probably the hardest thing I’ve been through.”
“3 of my friends in the group knew about this, the other 2 and Matt did not.”
“I didn’t want to bring the mood down, so I answered that the hardest thing I’d been through was transitioning going to a college in a different state where I knew no one.”
“We were all ready to move on, but Matt immediately piped up and said, ‘Wow, if that’s the hardest thing you’ve ever been through, you live an extremely privileged life’.”
“Everyone got quiet.”
“Now, if he had said it jokingly, I probably would have let it go and moved on.”
“However, the way he said it was in a very condescending and patronizing tone, and I will admit, it rubbed me the wrong way.”
“Instead of letting it go, I said ‘well, the hardest thing I’ve ever been through is seeing my sister die in the ICU and having to watch her being lowered into her grave when I was 17’.”
“I just didn’t want to bring the mood down’.”
“If things were quiet before, they were dead silent now.”
“Matt mumbled an apology but game night ended shortly after.”
“After my friends all left, my friend who had brought Matt texted me and told me I was a jerk for making Matt look bad, and I could have just let his statement go.”
“I do feel bad about what I said and being the cause of game night ending so soon, but I also feel like I was just making a justified statement.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for clapping back at their friend’s date.
Everyone agreed that “Matt” was way out of line for making such a rude remark to the OP, particularly as they were the host, and that Matt and Matt alone was the only person responsible for spoiling the vibe of the party.
“Going to college where you dont know anyone is something most people go through and clearly was just something to fill in space and move past a question.”
“Matt decided he wanted to be a condescending jerk.”
“Matt got shown why one does not be a condescending jerk.”
“Matt made Matt look bad.”
“Hopefully he changes his behavior in the future because he seems like a jacka**.”-endlessnanosecond
“He had a snarky response to someone he just met for the first time, you put him in his place.”
“So it goes.”- Recruiter19
“Matt was being a jerk and deserved to be heartily embarrassed for it.”
“Maybe he’ll think before he opens his mouth a bit more in the future.”
“It doesn’t take a genius to realize not everyone is going to feel comfortable answering that question honestly.”
“And I’m so sorry for your loss.”- lightwoodorchestra
“‘You’re a jerk for making Matt look bad but it’s totally chill if MATT wants to make snarky comments about a person he knows NOTHING about’.”
“Nuts to that, my friend.”
“Matt made Matt look bad.”- uhheyhowareyou
“Matt shouldn’t open his mouth when he doesn’t know the people around him.”- cricket73646
“In any context that’s a pretty ugly comment to make.”
“Hopefully he learns to keep his trap shut.”- socialjusticekimchi
“You didn’t turn the game night into the suffering Olympics.”
“Hope Matt learned something that day.”- kindofharmless
“NTA and here’s the thing:”
“Even IF transitioning to college was a hardest thing you’ve experienced, that’s still incredibly rude of Matt to respond in such a way.”
“Sure, there are harder things (obviously. And you’ve experienced them.)”
“but Matt was TA to invalidating a potentially hard experience.”
“(I mean, my transition to college included severe depression, but I wouldn’t have said that. I too would’ve said ‘transitioning to college in a different state where I knew no one’ instead of the whole story.)”
“Also, I’m very sorry for your loss.”- ClosetedGothAdult
“OP responded truthfully and not even harsh, just honest.”
“If Matt didn’t want to look like an a**hole, maybe he shouldn’t have been an a**hole.”
“OP’s honest response is similar to when women are asked when they’ll have children or why they don’t have children and the woman says something like, ‘I’m infertile’, or ‘I’ve been trying for years and I’ve had multiple miscarriages’.”
“People really put their foot in their mouth and then blame the other person for calling them out.”-bjorgear
“NTA he was in no place to ask you that or determine your privileges considering he doesn’t even know you well.”
“Matt just recieved the consequences of his words.”
“And he learned two important lessons: to think before you talk and not be too quick to judge someone.”- yeetingpikachu
“You didn’t make Matt look bad, he did that all himself.”
“Even not knowing your real trauma, what he said was incredibly condescending and tone deaf as he doesn’t know you, your history or privilege, or any of your friends apart from the one who invited him and defended him.”- yakshack
“Matt is an a**hole, as is your friend.”
“It’s the first time you’ve met him, he doesn’t know your life and the entitlement to throw that comment out.”
“NTA He doesn’t even know you.”
“He said something terribly rude and you laid the truth on him and made him eat his words.”
“That’s his fault.”- steelydan84
“He made himself TA with that comment.”- heyykelleyy
“He made a thoughtless and disparaging comment and you handled it fine.”- stardew618
“Matt had no reason to make that comment other than to be a d*ck.”
“He was a stranger in your home, and he decided that it would be appropriate to mock you for being too ‘privileged’ over a silly game.”
“If he’s going to make shitty comments to try to embarrass people, he should be prepared for them to backfire.”
“As for the friend who brought him, they should be embarrassed for bringing a tagalong who has no manners.”- emanresuelbaliavayna
“It’s extremely odd and in poor taste that Matt, who isn’t close to you or the group, felt comfortable saying such a thing.”
“NTA and I’m sorry about your sister.”
“Hope that moron thinks twice before shooting his mouth off again.”- KatJen76
“He’ll probably never do that to another person.”
“You did the world a favor.”- NeptuneAndCherry
One can’t help but question the behavior of the friend who brought Matt to the party, who’s biggest takeaway was that the OP made him look bad.
After Matt rather openly insulted the OP in front of everyone.
One only hopes that the OP will be able to host a more joyous game night in the not-so-distant future.
Perhaps one where Matt and the friend who brought him are not invited to.