What’s in a name?
For many people, everything.
That’s why not everybody loves to hear names being thrown about as a moniker.
Or why naming a new human or a pet isn’t always embraced.
Some people have an intimate relationship with their name.
And that can lead to some “ownership” issues.
Case in point…
Redditor moementon wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my brother that the name he wants to give his child isn’t ok?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (17 F[emale]) let’s call me Rarity which is a not super common name like my real one, have a half brother Kurtis (30 M[ale]).”
“He is married to Kendall (30 F).”
“Kendall isn’t related to me but shares my last name, my brother changed his name to her last name when they wed.”
“This wasn’t weird as his last name was one he had been teased for when he was younger and he and I are close so it was still a family name that way too.”
“Kendall is now in her third trimester of pregnancy to a baby (F).”
“They announced that they want to name the baby Rarity.”
“I wasn’t thrilled about it and I thought that that sounded like it could be confusing or something.”
“I asked about it and if they plan on calling the baby something else like a nickname or middle name.”
“They said they were giving her the same middle name as me and that it would likely be obvious who is being talked about and if not they could add the word ‘baby’ in front of it.”
“I think this is super weird and don’t like it.”
“My parents think it is ‘sweet.'”
“I tried to express my dislike for it but everyone is just upset with me for being unsupportive.”
The OP was left to wonder,
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole
“NTA. It’s weird to insist on naming a baby after someone who asked you not to, and it’s especially weird to copy the middle name as well.”
“Definitely keep asking them to change at least the middle name, and make it clear that if they name the baby Rarity, you will call her Ray or Titi or something.”
“Usually I’m against unapproved baby nicknames but they used your name without approval so it’s only fair.”
“I think having a baby named after you should be meant as an honor and a gift, AND gift recipients are never obligated to accept a gift that would actually bother them or hurt them or make their life more difficult.”
“And if the baby’s name isn’t meant to honor you, they’re just copying it bc they like it, that’s even worse.”
“If they just happened to like the name Rarity and it’s a coincidence that it’s also your name, that’s one thing, but this is obviously not a coincidence since they copied the middle name too.” ~ SilverStars413
“Tell them you’ll be delighted you can offload all your debt and credit card issues onto her!”
“That if you do porn, searching her name will get you!”
“That you could have loan/mortgage applications canceled by her in the future because they think she’s you.”
“If you die first, she might not be able to get rent, a job, etc as on paper she could appear dead!”
“This is a terrible idea!” ~ TaibhseCait
“My brother and cousin have the same name as two of our uncles and I have the same name as my mom and her aunt.”
“There were never any problems with knowing who people were talking about.”
“But if a relative says they feel uncomfortable with having the same names as the baby, that should be respected.” ~ Tribbles_Trouble
“I can’t get over ‘I want to give her your first and middle name because our last name is totally different.'”
“Like, does the family plan to call the baby by the last name or what?”
“Because that’s the only way to distinguish OP and the baby.”
“Giving her a unique first name and then Rarity as a second name is something entirely different.” ~ EatThis**it
“I’ve read way too many stories about people getting their credit messed up or debt collectors calling, warrants for the wrong person etc.”
“Due to the whole Junior/senior thing.”
“Even smaller things like constant mail mixups if they live somewhat nearby.”
“Calling them the exact same name without even any kind of qualifier is going to be a nightmare.” ~ kenda1l
“Giving a human the prefix ‘baby’ to avoid confusion is a great long-term solution.”
“Baby Rarity will love that when she is 13.”
“Kurtis and Kendall sound like very smart people.”
“NTA, sorry you halfbrother and sil seem a little dense.” ~ Aggressive-Basil-857
“My (56 F) younger brother (54 M)– I’ll call him David– is the 5th in our extended family with the same first name.”
“In closer family, he shares the name with our dad and a cousin.”
“To distinguish, my brother, who is the youngest of the Davids, was called baby Dave.”
“At 54, he’s still baby Dave 🤭.”
“He actually likes it when all the nieces and nephews call him that. It’s sweet.”
“Some of our extended family call him by his middle name.”
“OP: you are NTA, but names get shared a lot in some families.”
“You’ve registered your objection.”
“Let them know that you worry about future confusion or resenting that they went against your wishes.”
“Beyond that, it’s not your kid and there isn’t much you can do, especially if your parents like it.”
“I don’t think it’s something to worry too much about it, anyway.” ~ Linkcott18
“Is it in the US where the social security number is totally important?”
“I heard stories that similar names cause a lot of issues with the government and even though the government was aware of the mixup etc they couldn’t fix it.”
“It is weird.”
“I know men like to call their firstborn… JR and people like to honor dead people but giving a baby their aunt’s name is odd.”
“It is not even the mom’s name.”
“There are studies which show teachers connect student’s names to their evaluation like when Kevin X was loud they automatically saw Kevin Y also a more troublesome or when Alex X was smart Alex Y did also get better grades.”
“So using your name would automatically make the rest of the family compare you both.”
“Why would they want their kid to be compared to another relative?” ~ TRACYOLIVIA14
“I have almost the same name as my Italian aunt, though our middle names are slightly different.”
“Our info gets mixed up even though she is like 35 years older than me.”
“My college transcripts had courses from 1965, and I was like, I love all the extra credits, but I wasn’t even close to alive then.”
“And it was a pain to get those separated.”
“There’s been a couple of little confusions with government-related things but those have been surprisingly easy to deal with as long as I get someone with a brain and can go over the name difference and birthday differences.”
“It’s not fraud, it’s a stupid family name.” ~ DerpsV
“This might very well lead to bureaucratic nightmares…”
“My husband and I have the same initial and last name, and I keep getting his emails, his phone calls, etc… because we work in the same firm.”
“There’s at least one case of someone getting arrested because they had the ‘wrong’ name.”
“In my field of work, we sometimes have mix-ups because some people don’t mention their middle name and come up as their parents in our system.”
“Please, have them consider the legal, etc… implications and at least change the middle name.” ~ TurnipWorldly9437
“Does anyone else not find it super weird that OP’s brother met and married someone with the same last name as her, changed his name to that last name, AND THEN gave his daughter her full name?”
“That’s a whole other level of weirdness.”
“There was nothing stopping him from changing the name he was teased for at any point, even to another family name, rather than this whole song and dance.”
“My partner and I aren’t attached to our last names so when we get married we’re both taking my grandparent’s last name.”
“He had so many options.”
“To me (and my partner) this whole thing is bordering on disturbing weird, not just weird weird. NTA, OP.” ~ Lego-hearts
“NTA. Naming a baby the EXACT SAME NAME as your sister/S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] is ridiculously weird.”
“I’d understand naming the child the exact name as you if you had died but that would still be strange to me.”
“In my family, everyone’s name is their own and shouldn’t be copied unless the person in question is dead/supportive of the choice AND was more significant to you than other family members.”
“Normally on posts like this, I’d say people can name their child what they like as long as they aren’t being offensive, just don’t be surprised if the child gets bullied or wants to change their name.”
“But copying your name entirely without your support is creepy i can’t lie.” ~ PossiblyCassie
“NTA – Fun Fact: in the Jewish tradition naming a child after someone who is still alive is like saying you wish that person were dead.”
“You only name children after people who have passed that you want to remember.” ~ MuffinSkytop
OP came back with an update…
“I did ask why and they say it is a pretty name and my brother says he hopes the baby will be just like me.”
“I also have directly asked if the name was like for me or something and they said no.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you here.
Your name is part of your identity. A big part in fact.
You don’t have to love every idea that involves your name.
Hopefully, you can all come to terms with their choice.