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Guy Called Out For Secretly ‘Pregaming’ With Fast Food To Fill Up Before Wife’s Meager Dinners

A man eats McDonald's fries in his car

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

However, dinner is essential for many after a long day’s work.

But what can someone do when the meal plan is being tampered with?

This can be an issue in relationships.

When partners have differing diet ideas, one person is either too full, or the other is still hungry.

Neither scenario is ideal.

There has to be a way to communicate on this issue without leaving hurt feelings in the wake.

Case in point…

Redditor Acceptable_Love_6237 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for ‘pregaming’ my wife’s dinners?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My wife and I are both 32.”

“Since we got married and moved in together five months ago, my wife has simply not made nearly enough food for me.”

“This is not the kind of situation where I’m constantly agitated at her for incompetence or anything like that.”

“I would be more than happy to microwave a burrito.”

“I would be more than happy to whip up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”

“But I can’t.”

“My wife has, every single night of our marriage, done the same thing: she’ll make me a tiny dinner.”

“I’m talking like a Chinese chicken salad with 30 grams of chicken and ten leaves of lettuce arranged fashionably with dressing.”

“When I finish eating, I’m still hungry because, for a 230-pound man who works a physical labor job, it’s not enough food.”

“At first, I tried to openly communicate with her, but she always took it horribly.”

“She would adopt a thousand-yard stare and then begin talking about how incompetent she is and how she can’t even make her husband a proper dinner.”

“I’d try to calm her down with ‘Oh honey, that’s not the case! I just eat too much’ or ‘Don’t worry about it. I can make a bit more.'”

“I’d try to be overwhelmingly positive. It never helped.”

“She would always just get incredibly disappointed in herself, cries, and/or take it out on me.”

“Then she would make the same exact amount the following day.”

“After the communication route failed, I tried to eat her dinners as-is.”

“It became hard to sleep at night due to hunger, and I lost seven pounds in the first month.”

“Eventually, I figured out my own system.”

“On my way home from work, I started swinging by a fast food restaurant and getting myself a burger.”

“I would basically pregame her meals with some more calories.”

“I figured it was win-win, as what she doesn’t know can’t hurt her, and I could have my fill of food.”

“I would eat on my way home, walk in the door, pick at the salad or quinoa or homemade Mac and Cheese she made, compliment her for her delicious cooking, and later dispose of the wrappers discretely.”

“Two days ago, I was on my way home and in line at a drive-through.”

“My M[other] I[n] L[aw] was coming out of the restaurant.”

“She ran over and greeted me.”

“I asked her in a humorous way not to tell her daughter where she saw me because she’d take it badly, and she agreed, but then she narced on me anyway.”

“I got home to a furious wife who demanded details.”

“When I provided the truth, she got extremely angry and looked legitimately hurt.”

“I’m not good at handling confrontation and feel like I betrayed my wife in some way.”

“Was I wrong here?”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“It’s a little concerning that she goes full passive-aggressive when you say something to her.”

“It sounds like she has a REALLY hard time when her carefully crafted mental image of herself is even slightly challenged. NTA.” ~ Cataclysmus78

“He already told us he spoke with her, and she gets the ‘thousand-yard stare’. Then there is crying and carrying on.”

“Then her saying she will do better and the next night make the same paltry amount of food.”

“She isn’t listening, or it is some kind of control tactic on her part.” ~ tillieze

“I wonder if his wife has an eating disorder.”

“I have a family member that has battled anorexia her entire life and put her spouse on a diet and gets very defensive, anxious or agitated if anybody comments about the food.”

“I tried to send him home with leftovers, and she made me put over half of it back because it was too much food.”  ~ xanneonomousx

“Me too. We have some very good family friends who hardly eat anything.”

“The wife is extremely thin and also is losing hair, etc, due to not getting enough calories.”

“She has insisted her husband be on a similar diet as her, and he’s constantly starving.”

“Sometimes when he would come over to hang out with my dad for ‘guy time,’ my dad would make burgers for them, and the husband usually had two big ones with all the fixins’.”

“The wife found out, and now she insists on coming since she says she can’t trust him to be alone.”

“To be honest, I think it is abuse.”

“OP, NTA.”

“I think your wife has some serious issues surrounding food and is extremely passive-aggressive and controlling.”

“And she is extending this food issue to you.”

“She needs to go to counseling.” ~ Yutolia

“It is absolutely abuse, and people would probably be quicker to call it out if the genders were reversed.”

“Imagine if a man wouldn’t let a woman out alone in case, she ate more than he wanted her to?!”

“That situation is crazy.”

“I hope they get some help, or he gets away.” ~ Unquietdodo

“An eating disorder is not an excuse for being an a**hole, and she is.”

“Her illness is not her fault, but her behavior is her responsibility.”

“Her little fits when he makes a request are childish and manipulative.”

“She needs to seek help for a few psychological disorders. NTA, OP.”  ~ 1NegativePerson

“Also, if SHE has an eating disorder that affects how much food she’s willing to make, it is not fair for her to get angry and SOMEONE ELSE eating extra food, more so when she’s not even present for it. NTA.” ~ Woffingshire

“This is exactly what I assumed.”

“Either an eating disorder that she’s extending to her husband, or she only requires so much food to meet her caloric needs and is incapable of understanding that larger people with more active lifestyles require more food.”

“Also possible (because OP works during the day away from home) that she calorie loads at breakfast or lunch or on snacks throughout the day and sees (with her eating habits) that dinner is a lite meal.”

“I have weird eating habits.”

“I have protein coffee for breakfast, a heavy lunch, a lite dinner, and then snack late at night, and it all computes to the healthy amount of calories for me.”

“I could imagine being with someone that doesn’t eat on my schedule and not being capable of adapting to my partner’s individual needs when doing meal prep and planning.”

“That’s why I let go of control with my S[ignificant] O[ther]’s meal planning, and we mostly do our own thing.”

“Sounds like a control issue as well as a possible disordered eating habit.”  ~ ProfessorShameless

“This is exactly where my mind went.”

“I had a partner with an eating disorder that they refused to acknowledge that they had.”

“Their family told me about their diagnosis, which they never admitted to having.”

“And they cooked the most calorie-deficient meals I have ever eaten.”

“I am a naturally thin person who also works out a lot and plays sports.”

“I was at that time, too.”

“I have to eat a lot to maintain a healthy weight.”

“I ended up signing up for a local meal prep service that is geared toward athletes and storing the food at work.”

“When that person found out about it, they were disgusted.”

“‘How can you eat that much?!'”

“My reply was, ‘With a fork usually.'”

“Ultimately, I just felt really bad for them because they clearly had no idea that they were emaciated, and no amount of feeding them calorie-dense foods on my nights to cook helped at all.”

“OP, you’re definitely NTA, and I hope your wife gets the help that she needs.”

“Whether this is an eating disorder or a control issue, it’s not normal to starve your spouse and expect them to do nothing about it.” ~ ifnotmewh0

“I agree with your premise, but I disagree with calling this passive-aggressive.”

“Passive-aggressive is like telling your friend that your partner is buying you a burger for lunch, and then your friend saying, ‘It would be nice if someone bought meeee a burger for lunch.'”

“She is going into full-blown, nuclear meltdown mode.”

“This is an emotional manipulation tactic aimed at controlling OP’s behavior.”

“OP is no longer allowed to discuss the topic at hand because any slight inconvenience will make her fall apart, so OP feels like he has to walk on eggshells around her.”

“Unless OP is being overly aggressive with his wife about not getting enough food, there’s something really wrong here.” ~ numbersthen0987431

“OP, if you didn’t need to drop seven pounds in one month (and wow, that’s a lot of weight pretty fast, I think the recommended weight loss is one pound a week), then NTA.”

“Your wife is willfully underfeeding you.”

“She is feeding you like a weight-conscious, sedentary middle-aged woman, not an active man.”

“She needs to get over her defensive ‘thousand-yard stare,’ or the whining that ‘she can’t make her husband a proper dinner.'”

“And you need to stop reassuring her because she isn’t making her husband a proper dinner.”

“Is she this uncommunicative and unwilling to change, and you so placating in other situations?”

“And, OP, a steady diet of fast food isn’t good for you.”

“You need to start preparing your own meals, whether your wife likes it or not, or she needs to get TF over whatever this is.”

“Because your solution, while clever for the short term, isn’t viable for the long term.”

“And I would be pretty unhappy with the MIL. “

“She could have minded her own business, and this dysfunctional little compromise dynamic could have proceeded indefinitely and without drama.”

“Good luck, buddy.” ~ YouthNAsia63

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

It is never fun to go to bed hungry.

Especially after a long day at work.

It sounds like you and your wife may need a more serious sit-down.

Perhaps, a chat with a counselor.

Good luck.