Redditor Ehaler is a person who has been with their girlfriend for about a decade and has a kid together.
Marriage was something that has not been discussed as they claimed they were both not the “romantic type.”
But when an opportunity presented itself, they took the next step.
But when the manner in which they decided to propose wound up causing drama, they visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for proposing to my GF at my brother’s wedding and posting it on social media?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My brother and his wife got married last week. It was a big beach wedding with about 100 people.”
“While the bride and groom were doing their photoshoot that took an hour, the guest were walking down the beach, having some snacks that were served, talking to each other etc. We were waiting for the dinner to be served and just killing time.”
“My GF and I have been together for 10 years and have a kid together. Marriage just never came up.”
“We are both reaaally not the romantic type. When our son was born, I jokingly told her I’d propose to her on a beach at sunset someday.”
“So after the wedding we were walking down the beach. We were alone, noone was even paying any attention to us at all because there were 100 people there.”
“I just asked her ‘so, beach at sunset… Will you marry me?’ She said, we had a good laugh, took a selfie together and slowly walked back to the site of the reception.”
“We haven’t told anyone we are getting married yet, it will be a courthouse wedding anyway. Two days ago my GF posted that selfie on her social media, tagged me and wrote a caption ‘finally marrying the love of my life, and a sunset beach proposal!.'”
“Now everyone who knows us KNEW it was a sarcastic caption and knew it was more a joking post than anything else.”
“Brother and SIL called us very upset hours after that post. SIL said we ridiculed their wedding with our post.”
“Brother said I’m an AH for proposing at someone else’s wedding.”
“Aita?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors saw no problem with how the OP proposed.
“The whole reason you shouldn’t propose at someone’s wedding is because the attention should be on the bride & groom and because it would be rude, insensitive etc to steal the attention from them.”
“If you and your now finance were alone, didn’t tell anyone until after the wedding and literally nobody knew about the engagement at the time therefore you didnt steal any attention from the ones getting married then I would say NTA.” – Dagnabit_sundae
“I was ready to say you’re the a**hole but you didn’t propose in front of everybody, you didn’t announced it at the reception and you waited two days to post it so NTA.”
“SIL is the one who is ridiculous here.” – Primary-Criticism929
“I actually agree with you on this. Had any of the other guests noticed then a definite Y T A. But the way this was under the radar Id go with NTA.” – Sledge313
“From the way OP talks I’m guessing they regularly mock things they consider ‘cliche’; romance. SIL planned a sunset wedding on the beach, then fiance posted about the engagement as on the beach at sunset in a way, as OP said, everyone would know it was sarcastic.”
“So yeah, they were acting too cool for cheesy romance stuff in direct reference to a picture that was taken at the wedding, where the bride and groom planned it that way because they probably like that stuff.”
“I would say she was throwing a little shade at the wedding, but I don’t think it was direct enough to start an argument over it, and I don’t think OP did anything wrong in how they proposed.” – ElephantShoes256
“It means SIL is coming down from the wedding high and wondering wtf to do with herself and hasn’t completely turned off bridezilla mode yet lol.”
“NTA they are being ridiculous.”
“I have to wonder if SIL isn’t too bright. She put 2 and 2 together and came up with 5. She knows proposing at someone’s wedding is in bad taste but doesn’t know why and therefore doesn’t understand why it doesn’t apply here?”
“Maybe someone should explain to them that it is a no no because you dont want to take attention from the bride and groom. However because nobody else saw it happen or even knew, no line was crossed.” – Mkinzer
“I mean. Some people are like that. It sounds spur of the moment and half joking except that they’re going to go to the courthouse and make it legal. It had zero impact on the wedding. I’m very against making a spectacle and redirecting attention at a wedding, but these guys are just living their lives. NTA.” – NarlaRT
“I was getting ready to vote Y T A for selfishly using someone else’s special day to make your proposal, but after reading the whole post – NTA.”
“You didn’t announce in at the time and take attention away from the newlyweds. You didn’t do it in front of a bunch of people. You didn’t even tell anyone. You just quietly went about your business, and even the social media post came days after the wedding.”
“Brother and SIL are being laughable at their ludicrous notion that something they didn’t even know had happened until days later has, somehow, retroactively ruined their wedding.” – adeelf
“NTA. Though I don’t agree that you did it at the wedding (if you had another day then that should have been it), but because you were out alone and not near the event specifically, while not taking the attention of the bride. I would say you’re not the A-hole.” – TeenyErebear
“NTA you don’t propose at someone’s wedding, because it takes the attention off of the bride and groom, but you didn’t. There wasn’t a formal proposal with a show and a ring.”
“You privately asked a question and posted about it days later. There isn’t anything wrong here. You didn’t intrude or make their moment about you. You didn’t even have a ring for anyone to notice. I don’t understand why they are even getting upset.” – RainbowBright1982
“From the title, I was prepared to think you were an AH. I even thought ‘Who knows of the existence of the AITA sub and doesn’t know that it is not ok to propose at someone else’s wedding.'”
“But then I read your post. You’re not supposed to propose at someone else’s wedding because it takes attention away from the bride and groom. You didn’t do that. No one else at the wedding even knew that you had proposed, it was just a sweet, private moment between you and your soon-to-be wife. Definitely NTA for the proposal.”
“As for your fiancée’s FB post, I don’t actually understand how that would retroactively ‘ruin;’ their day or how it ridiculed anything. It was an inside joke between the two of you. If they decided to somehow twist that to make it about themselves, that’s on them.” – mlmarte
“Not the a**hole. Of all the super cringe ways I’ve heard of people proposing at someone else’s wedding this is by far sounds like the perfect way to spend time, get away from everyone and do your own thing. It didn’t drown out their own wedding, make anything awkward at the time nor did it make the guests fawn over you and your GF vs your brother and newly minted SIL.”
“But how does, ‘we ridiculed their wedding with our post’ Mean? LIke thats not how that word works.” – Ceizyk
“NTA. I was soooooo ready to be like of course you are!!! But no one even knew. The wedding happened, everyone has amazing memories of it and you didn’t steal the spotlight or ruin the day. They’re being ridiculous.” – Shadeisjaded
“NTA. Beach, a sunset, scrne set up as specified earlier. Congratulations on reaching the in-between stage of fiancedom.”
“However the N is based on you not announcing the news at the reception. In other words take advantage of the set. Publicity follows some days later.” – maRBuc7177
“Yeah, and based on how proud he sounds about not being into romance, how casual the proposal was, and how everyone would just know it was sarcastic being from them, I’m guessing this isn’t the first time OP has ragged on his brother and SIL for caring about romance and the details of their wedding.”
“I might be reading too far into it but my gut feeling is that they’d already been teasing the bride and groom for their romantic wedding during the planning, and the combo of proposing there and posting a mocking caption about it was just the icing on the disrespect cake.” – ElephantShoes256
Overall, Redditors believed that since no one was around when the OP proposed and the announcement was made after the brother’s wedding, they did not technically ruin their special day.