Living with other people requires respect, compromises and trust.
When any of those factors break down, problems ensue.
A 22-year-old Redditor didn’t trust his roommates, so he took precautions. But when his safety measures caught his 23-year-old roommate and her boyfriend disrespecting his personal space, his roommate called him out.
So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for perspective.
Redditor BigJackieChanDreams asked:
“AITA for showing my roommate a security camera footage of her having sex in my room?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I live with 3 roommates and since I’ve had bad experiences with roommates before, I installed a security camera to get an alert if someone enters my room.”
“One day when we were all at work/school, one roommate and her bf entered my room and had sex for whatever reason. My app alerted me and started recording automatically.”
“When I got home I confronted her about it and she owned up to it, said they did it in a different room to ‘spice things up’ and said that it’s ‘not that big of a deal’.”
“She was however pretty angry at the fact that I had a security camera in my room and a video of her having sex (which I deleted obviously). She said that recording her having sex is a bigger invasion of privacy than her having sex in my room.”
“AITA in that situation?”
Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“What in the world? ‘I broke into someone else’s private area without their knowledge and I’m mad that they have security’. LOL.”
“NTA.” ~ SecretRatto
“This is like arguing that if someone has sex in a public library with cameras, the library is at fault for filming people having sex. NTA.” ~ mercurial_planner
“Just imagine a burglar arguing in court that the security camera that caught him was an invasion of his privacy…” ~ PM_ME_D*CK_GIFS
“They are the reason security is needed! Ughh… some people should win gold at the Olympics for their mental gymnastics.” ~ ohno_spaghetti_o
“How is this even a question?!? If somebody told me that I would think they were f’king with me.”
“And if they were serious, I’d consider calling the cops on the boyfriend because he’s having sex with somebody who’s not mentally competent enough to give consent.” ~ TheresA_LobsterLoose
“NTA, it *is* a big deal to enter someone’s room and have sex without them knowing. She can spice it up elsewhere.” ~ franklydankmemes
“How does changing rooms spice it up? You’re still having the same boring sex just in a different room.”
“Does the spice come from invading someone’s privacy and being an a**hole?” ~ sacrificial_cricket
“Yeah, I doubt she’d be OK with OP masturbating in her room.” ~ DestyNovalys
“NTA. She shouldn’t have been having sex in your room in the first place and you have every right to have a camera in YOUR room.”
“You didn’t set out to record her having sex. It’s not an invasion of her privacy, because she’s not entitled to privacy when in your personal space.” ~ strikingfirefly
“I wonder how many times she did this. To know that OP was sleeping on the same sheets without knowing anything is just… ew.”
“[OP’s security camera] is not a bigger invasion of privacy.” ~ NectarineDangerously
“OP should notify the other roommates too. She’s probably had sex in all their rooms.”
“I would also clean the furniture and give the kitchen a good scrubbing. Don’t want to chop potatoes where the roomie might have been bent over the counter.” ~ QuixoticLogophile
“NTA, na fam, I would force the roommate that’s banging in others’ rooms to scrub everything and wash all the linens.” ~ MicroPixel
“Hell no. She should buy OP new bed linen.” ~ iheartrsamostdays
“Honestly, for me, that’s grounds to tell her to get the f’k out. Like I would be so angry. I don’t know if that’s an option, but…” ~ sunnysummersday
“I mean, beyond the yuck factor, there’s also:”
“a) the invasion of privacy;”
“b) the lying;”
“c) the ‘taking offense over something that’s entirely Roommie’s doing’;”
“d) the blame on OP.”
“I would simply not feel comfortable at all living with this person (and her boyfriend, who clearly doesn’t understand boundaries and respect either).” ~ JessicaJones2
“That’s what we call gaslighting: manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.”
“‘I had sex on your bed? No, you’re the one who did something wrong, by catching me!'”
“That’s what she’s angling for. It’s crazy.” ~ farahad
“Pretty ironic that she’s complaining about an invasion of privacy when she went into someone else’s room and had sex on another person’s bed.”
“When you share an apartment, your room is your fortress of solitude because it’s pretty much the only place where you can have privacy. Now you’ve got a roommate that decides to do something like this.”
“How much more invasive can you get? OP if you don’t have a lock for your room I think it’s time to invest in one.” ~ rummhamm87
“This! You don’t have sex in other peoples beds—it’s rude. Rule #1 don’t make woopie in other peoples beds/ homes.”
“If I was OP I’d be giving roommate a bill for new bedding because I wouldn’t want to sleep in my bed after other people had sex in it.”
“I’m curious what the other roommate have to say about it. I’m guessing they probably did it in there bed as well.” ~ italy2986
“I have a real problem with someone else sleeping in my bed, nevermind them having sex on it. I’d be throwing out the sheets and considering whether to burn the bed or not.”
“It’s probably not normal, but I have to think not wanting someone else’s sweat, cum, and other bodily fluids anywhere near your bed is normal at least. If you’re one of the contributing parties, sure, but if you’re not…”
“What really freaks me out is that they clearly didn’t change the sheets after having sex in OP’s bed.” ~ RateMyAsshole
While his roommate said it was no big deal, Redditors clearly thought it was. The roommate’s indiscretion proved the OP’s mistrust was founded.
His security camera was in his own room to protect his own space. If his roommate didn’t want to be filmed, she shouldn’t have invaded his privacy.