Most parents want nothing more than for their children to grow up and find happiness, however that may be.
Their happiness may lie in their profession, their passion or in a relationship.
If the joy of their child’s life falls in the latter, though, it would be helpful if their partner was a joy for the rest of the family, as well.
A woman on Reddit was fed up with her daughter-in-law’s lying after her habit resulted in her husband not getting a cake for his birthday party, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor Practical-Debate-807 asked:
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (56/F[emale]) have a son and things have been tense because of his wife, ‘Emily’ (28/F[emale]).”
“I’ve noticed over the past year that Emily tends to stretch the truth or flat-out lie about things, both big and small.”
“At first, it was little things like saying she couldn’t come to family dinners because of work, only to post on social media that she was out with friends.”
“Then it escalated to bigger things.”
“One example that really bothered me happened recently.”
“We were both supposed to attend a charity fundraiser I was there the entire evening and never saw her.”
“When I later asked if she had made it, she insisted that she had been there the whole time and even said she saw me but was too busy to come say hi.”
“This wasn’t true—I know for a fact she wasn’t there the volenteers list was small and I definitely would have seen her.”
“We were all in the same room.”
“More recently, she lied about something involving a family event.”
“We were planning a small gathering for my husband’s birthday, and Emily told me she’d arranged a cake from his favorite bakery.”
“The day of the party, she showed up empty-handed, claiming they ‘lost the order.'”
“When I called the bakery to see what happened, they had no record of any order ever being placed.”
“That was the last straw for me.”
“I pulled her aside later and confronted her about her constant lying.”
“I tried to be calm and respectful, but I told her that her dishonesty was starting to affect how I viewed her and that it was creating tension in the family.”
“She literally messed up my husband birthday with these lies.”
“She completely denied it and got really upset, saying I was making her out to be a bad person and that I was overreacting.”
“My son got involved and is now angry with me.”
“The whole thing has caused a rift, and now Emily refuses to come to any family gatherings unless I apologize.”
“I feel like I had every right to call her out, and I have nothing to apolgize for.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was the a**hole.
“NTA. I could not tolerate that lying either.”
“Apparently your son does tolerate it? Or he’s in denial?”
“You may have to choose between being right and having a relationship with your son, unfortunately.” – EinsTwo
“Tell her to provide some proof – ANY proof – that she was in that store to place an order for a cake in the days preceding her statement and your husband’s birthday – and if she can, you’ll apologise.”
“She can’t.”
“NTA. Do enjoy the family gatherings with sincerity and honesty.” – tosser9212
“NTA!”
“OP, you need to accept her challenge.”
“Do not even invite her to any future gatherings.”
“In this situation, you have to be strong and stand your ground.”
“For whatever reason, this woman thinks that lying is okay.”
“She may even single you out as the target of her lies.”
“Either way, I know it may hurt, but you need to stop this train.”
“You dont owe her an apology because you got proof that she has lied on more than one occasion.”
“Tell your son that you love him very much and you hate that this is happening, but you cannot abide her lies.”
“Explain to him that the last thing you want to do is limit contact with him, and yet you can’t apologize for telling the truth.”
“Ask him if he really thinks that you would make up this information and falsely accuse his wife for no reason.”
“Tell him you will not give any ultimatums, and you also will respect his wife’s wishes to not be included in family events.”
“Something is very strange about an adult who lies just for the sake fo lying and sooner than later, your son is going to figure out that his wife is the problem.” – Hungry_Ad_9048
“NTA but I would truly just never believe another word that comes out of her mouth.”
“‘I’ll be there to volunteer.”‘
“‘No thank you. We’ve got it covered.'”
“‘I’ll order the cake from the bakery.'”
“‘Actually, I’m going to try something different this year and want it to be a surprise.'”
“My brother lied (still lies?) all the time.”
“I don’t believe a thing he says so I simply don’t depend on him for anything important.”
“It’s a sad state of affairs, but the only way to make peace with it (at least for me).”
“Is your son oblivious to the lies, or does she only spin these tales with you?”
“Everyone knew my brother lied so whenever he’d exaggerate something we all just rolled our eyes or gave each other a look.”
“There was no point calling it out because everyone knew.” – kipsterdude
“NTA – you brought up a big issue in a calm way, and Emily’s lying is messing with the family.”
“Your worries are legit, particularly since her lies messed up your husband’s birthday.”
“She got defensive, but you did the right thing by calling her out and don’t need to apologize for sharing how you feel about her behavior” – Reddit user
“NTA you’re just calling it like you see it” – SgbAfterDark
“NTA. Let her stay home, less to worry about.” – Freeverse711
“Is your son angry because he doesn’t think his wife is lying or because he doesn’t think you should confront her about it?”
“If he doesn’t think his wife is lying, there apparently is plenty of proof you can show him.”
“If he just doesn’t like the confrontation, tell him you don’t need to confront her any more.”
“You just needed to let her know that you are aware of her lying.”
“Now you will be warned for the future to avoid counting on DIL for anything.”
“You don’t even have to confront her about it – just make arrangements as though she doesn’t exist.”
“If she actually does what she says she’ll do at some point, you can be pleasantly surprised.”
“NTA” – Djinn_42
“NTA, but back off now.”
“No more involvement with her separately from your son.”
“She doesn’t handle anything important; you can just say,’oh don’t worry about that, so and so has it covered.'”
“Her character will be clearer to your son once he stops feeling that he has to defend her to you.” – Auntie-Mam69
“NTA, although you might have to apologize anyway.”
“Nothing we say here will convince your son, and nothing anyone says will convince the wife.”
“For the future, I would just make sure that you’re clear on what’s expected of her, make sure your name is never put up on the same thing, and that you restrict your comments about her dishonesty and unreliability to your peers, your generation of the family and your friends.”
“Your son will find out eventually, and you want to be supportive, not ‘I told you so.'”
“One is the evil mother-in-law (I told you so), and the other is letting an unreliable person embarass themselves.” – rockology_adam
“NTA! not even a little bit.”
“I cannot tolerate liars.”
“I have no respect for them, and I will not have them around me.”
“However, this is your son. He is taking his wife’s side.”
“If I were you, I would simply stop asking for her help, I would pretend to be sorry and offer an apology and never bring it up to them again.”
“If she offers help just thank her for her offer but tell her you already have whatever taken care of.”
“Do not expect anything from her in the future. Assume everything she says is a lie.”
“You can still have her around you but just don’t ever rely on her again.”
“Eventually your son will realize the truth.”
“Just be there for him, but don’t bring it up again, it will just cause problems.” – AnneShurely
“NTA I have very little tolerance for compulsive liars.”
“They also don’t tend to change.”
“Do what you have to do to maintain the relationship with your son – that needs to be your priority.”
“Going forward don’t count on anything Emily says.”
“Always double-check and have a backup plan so that her lies don’t impact you.” – _gadget_girl
“NTA!”
“Her refusing to go to family gathering?!? Oh DARN🤣”
“She won’t be missed and the rest of the family will have a better time without her including you.” – 1SPsychochic
“NTA but given she won’t admit it, don’t invite her out to anything, or depend on her for anything, anymore.”
“treat her as an extension of your son.”
“just talk to your son and invite your son to stuff.” – MageVicky
It sounds like her fellow Redditors don’t believe OP is in the wrong for the way she feels about her daughter-in-law and her habit.
But it also seems she will need to be a bit more tolerant if she wants to keep a relationship with her son.