We’d like to think that we’ve reached an age where certain gender stereotypes are a thing of the past.
Particularly when it comes to couples.
But alas, some men still feel very insecure should their female partner be older than them, make more money than them, or be taller than them.
The latter was a major point of contention for the fiancé of Redditor higherGround77, who was growing even more and more self-conscious about their height disparity and their wedding day drew nearer.
While he eventually came up with a solution which would make him feel better, the original poster (OP) was less than inclined to oblige.
Much to her fiancé’s dismay.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for wanting to wear high heels at my wedding despite my fiancé’s objection?”
The OP explained how her fiancé wanted her to make an adjustment to her wedding attire to make her seem less tall, which she found to be extremely unreasonable.
“My fiancé (31) is short.”
“His height has always been a source of insecurity for him and he takes others comments too seriously.”
“With our wedding approaching, he asked if I’d consider wearing flat shoes at the wedding.”
“I was confused, like very confused I asked if he was joking but he went on a rant about how doesn’t want to be made fun of on his own wedding.”
“And that if I choose to wear high heels then we will look ‘awkward’ in the photos and in front of the guests.”
“I refused and he kept calling me selfish and inconsiderate and said that I prioritized a bare of high heels over his comfort and happiness for the big day.”
“He had his mom involved and she is pushing me to reconsider.”
‘When I refused to discuss it she said that my unwillingness to cooperate is a huge indicator of my level of maturity, she then went on a long rant about what lengths ‘real wives’ are willing to go to to help out their husbands and said that I’m apparently too immature and shallow to be committed in a marriage if I make such an issue out of it.”
“Am I being selfish?”
“It’s not just about what I want but the high heels help make the wedding dress look better and I feel like I deserve to look my best at my own wedding just like every bride’s dream.”
“His insecurity is preventing me from getting that.”
“AITA?”
“To clarify, I’m slightly taller but he said he doesn’t want me to look any taller than that.”
“The gusts he was talking about are his male friends, and the men in his family.”
“They comment on his height all the time, call him names from ‘shorty, koala, Lil D, hobbit’ and the list is long.”
“They even have a list of jokes about him.”
“We had similar arguments about this height issue before but this is the first time he asks me to not wear heels.”
“Other times he lets me wear them but sometimes refuses to attend events with me.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for remaining steadfast in wearing heels at her wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP shouldn’t have to change her wedding outfit owing to her fiancé’s height insecurities, with many finding the fact that he ran to his mother to be a major red flag.
“Does he know there are men’s dress shoes with built-in discreet platforms for just this sort of situation?”
“Some friends of mine took this approach for their wedding because the groom was short.”
“He should look into those.”
“NTA.”
“I don’t think you should have to look less than exactly as you want to on your wedding day.”-marellathecrab
“What ‘real wives’ are willing to do?”
“Like a ‘real man’ who gets his momma to fight his battles for him?”
“Yeah shows great maturity.”- Brilliant_Air76
“I am a tall woman engaged to a wonderful but not as tall man.”
“In the beginning, he would feel a little self conscious about our height different when we dressed up.”
“And many times I do not wear heels in consideration of him.”
“But he would never let his insecurity get in the way of my happiness and bring his mother into it.”
“That’s weird.”
“You deserve to look and feel your best on that special day so NTA for that.”
“But you guys sound like you have some things to work through before marriage.”-solarpowereddefault
“NTA.”
“But it’s a red flag for him to bring his MOM into his arguments.”
“2 against 1 isn’t a good look.”
“He can buy some inserts for his shoes to make him appear taller.”- Revolutionary_Ad1846
“NTA.”
“Your partner is insecure about his height and has made it your problem on your special wedding day.”
“This is an extremely gendered and stereotypical issue, so I get it, but his behavior is not okay.”
“You should dress and look how you want to on your wedding day, and him asking you to change your look to accommodate his insecurity, and bringing his mother into it, is totally ridiculous and immature.”
“His family has enabled his insecurity by sending him the message that his shorter stature is indeed a problem.”
“If you choose not to wear heels, it should be because you genuinely want to either a) be more comfortable, or b) make your honey comfortable of your own volition, and while this would be fine and dandy, you are not required to want to do this, and would not be a bad partner for declining to do so!”
“By the way, I am a tall girl.”
“My first HS bf, who was abusive in addition to insecure about his height, asked me to not wear heels to senior prom because I’d be taller than him.”
“I did.”
“And he went out and bought orthopedic shoes with lifts.”
“My current partner is the same height as me, and shorter if I wear heels, which I do frequently.”
“He loves when I wear heels.”
“In his words, he feels like he’s with a model.”
“Your partner can certainly work on reframing this height difference.”- Apprehensive_Yam_567
“I wore heels at my wedding and my late husband was shorter than me and he was gushing over his ‘amazon bride’.”
“I thought it was adorable.”- BellaDeaX42
“Why is he getting his mother involved?”
“Moving forward is it going to be like that when you don’t agree on something?”
“There are a lot of men, including in Hollywood, who are shorter or the same height as their significant other.”
“What are insecurities do you have to cater to in the future?”
“NTA.”- stock7098
There were some, however, who did sympathize with her fiancé for constantly being bullied, with some offering some adjustments he could make to his chosen outfit.
“Do your or his relatives have the habit of making ‘jokes’ about his height?”
“I can empathize with someone not wanting to get bullied on their wedding day.”- random_gen645
“TallMenShoes.com is a thing!”
“They sell shoes for men that look normal but actually give them a few extra inches of height, up to 5 inches!”
“And then you can then add their inserts for even more height.”
“I think it’d fix this situation for both of you!”- Salmon-Bagel
“I think the real asshole are his male friends and relatives who mock his height, tbh.”
“Maybe he could wear lift shoes, so you could wear heels without it being so noticeable?”
“On the whole, I’m unsympathetic towards men making their insecurity women’s problem, but I feel he’s been systematically bullied, and is acting from a traumatized position.”- PFEFFERVESCENT
“Tell him to wear lifts if he is uncomfortable.”
“NTA.”- RunningRunnerRun
“Would he wear lifts in his shoes?”
“Then he can seem taller on his wedding day and maybe feel better about himself for the photos.”-Cool_Story_Bro__
“NTA, but your fiancé’s friends are.”
“He should get therapy and drop them as friends.”-_Ping_-
“Buy him shoe lifts that Korean celebrities use.”
“He deserves to look his best too! It’s unreasonable to request you not to look your best but I do feel bad for him.”- Bebebaubles
There are no days where people should feel more special than on their wedding day.
Making it understandable that the OP will want to wear the outfit she had planned, but equally understandable that her fiancé doesn’t want to be the victim of bullying should she tower over him.
Hopefully, the two of them will be so in love, and everyone will be so happy for them that it will stop being an issue.
Though, the OP’s fiancé might want to consider investing in some thick soled shoes, just in case.