People who are really good at their jobs make those jobs look simple.
The effortless way they seem to accomplish the task can make some people believe that they, too, can do it so effortlessly.
So, what happens when this assumption is made and you decide to shame them out of it?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Standard_Ad8440 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for making my sister cry since I quizzed her on her knowledge because she wants to homeschool her kid?”
We get right to the issue at hand.
“I am going to get it out of the way and say I don’t like homeschooling.”
“I think it is almost impossible to do correctly on social and educational development. This is coming from someone that went to a sh*tty public school.”
“So my sister was talking about homeschooling her kid. She said her and her husband will teach her.”
“My sister and her husband are not the brightest people, much more physically labor people than understanding math.”
“I tried to ask if that was a good idea, but she basically said how hard could it be.”
Testing…
“So I started quizzing her, and these were not hard questions. For example, I asked what a verb was, name the planets, and a simple math problem (literally asked her to do division).”
“She could only name a few planets, and she gave the definition for an adjective, not a verb. Also, just completely wrong with the math.”
“It was kinda sad.”
“I told her the right answer and asked if she can’t do it, how will she teach the kid to read or any math. She called me a jerk and left to cry.”
“Her husband is on my a*s, but my mom thinks it a blessing.”
OP was left to wonder,
“AITA?? I’m questioning myself”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
The problem with homeschooling.
“NTA.”
“Some people need a reality check once in a while.”
“She is not equipped enough to properly educate her child for the world if she doesn’t even know basic elementary school level concepts.”
“Sure, there are online tools, but what happens when the child needs help understanding a concept?”
“Just show them tons of youtube/Khan videos and hope that answers their question?”
“They are setting their kid up to fail.” ~ DiorParty
“School is way more than math and grammar.”
“It’s socializing, Manners, time management, learning to follow directions also exposes kid to other activities that you would not necessarily be interested in at first such as music, sports, art, dance.”
“School gives the structure and sets the pace, and it is the parent’s responsibility to continue the education at home” ~ freehatt2018
“Oh hey, I went to K12 from middle to high school.”
“One of my greatest regrets in life, honestly.”
“Never got to be in clubs, didn’t learn to socialize that well outside of church. Still, have a hard time doing algebra and harder math.”
“Honestly, the real problem was lack of oversight. All the answers were online easy to access.”
“They never change them for many years.”
“No real incentive not to cheat, as a kid with little supervision as soon as you get your school done and you get to play games.”
“Which at the time seems awesome until you get to college and have to take remedial classes.”
“Not to mention just skipping a bunch of homework, forgetting about deadlines because I never really had any until the end of the year.”
“Not having proper study skills, as you mentioned. it really f**king sucked to adapt. Honestly, the biggest part of that was not getting diagnosed with ADHD until my third semester in college.”
“So I agree with you. Homeschooling is not something that a majority of people should do.” ~ cheese_pants
“I hate homeschooling, and every time someone says they want to do it, they are the dumbest people I know.”
“Sorry.”
“The ONLY successful homeschooling situation I know is the parents are rich AF and have a crew of professional teachers who come through to teach and have formed a pod with two other rich AF families, and the kids do field trips to Spain for Spanish class and sh*t like that.”
“So no, I don’t think sis who can’t do simple math is going to make it work, not unless she can shell out the approximate amount that a private school would pay 3-5 teachers in a school year.”
“Let’s not even talk socialization; our acquaintances have a 5-year-old who is scared of other humans because they’re too cool to go to school.”
“She’s like a beat dog.” ~ Okey-dokey13845
The issue of qualification.
“NTA.”
“You simply demonstrated that she’s not qualified to teach.”
“Yes, it embarrassed her, but I think that’s OK, given that you’re simply trying to ensure her child gets a good education and is successful in the world.” ~ PikesPique
“NTA.”
“I consider myself to be reasonably intelligent.”
“But I wouldn’t even consider homeschooling my kid.”
“Even if I had the patience and the aptitude, I know my knowledge is pretty gappy.”
“I know what I’m interested in but rubbish at what I’m not. I couldn’t tell you the difference between a verb and an adjective, but I could talk for hours on sciences, especially astronomy and physics and natural science.”
“Personally, I don’t think anyone should be allowed to homeschool without going back to school themselves unless they already have qualifications in teaching.”
“And even then, not without being observed at least a few times a year.”
“My sister and husband are qualified teachers, with my sister having focussed on special educational needs, and during lockdown they said the toughest children to teach were their own.” ~ Caryria
Not everyone was on OP’s side.
“YTA.”
“I find it so funny that no one is seeing the absolute irony in this post.”
“Your sister (unless she was somehow homeschooled while you were put in a sh*tty public school) was failed by the public school system.”
“Maybe she realizes this and wants better for her child (it seems like your MOM realizes this too because she sees it as a blessing).”
“Maybe if someone who loved her more than any public school teacher could be in charge of her education, they could have found the resources that would have helped her.”
“It’s not difficult to follow a curriculum (which is what public school teachers do- they don’t walk into a classroom and teach facts off the tops of their heads), and it does not require already knowing the planets.”
“You’ve given no indication your sister is a neglectful parent.”
“In fact, just the opposite, she is already ordering materials to educate her child.”
“But instead of offering support to your sister, you played off her insecurities.”
“Major AH move.”
“If she reads your post (I hope not because it’s full of AHs) and she wants support, she can reach out to me. It already sounds like she has a supportive husband and mother.”
“She doesn’t need you.” ~ Dry-Criticism-3390
“You ARE the a**hole.”
“Homeschooling is not as hard as you make it out to be and, when done correctly, is objectively better than public or even private schooling in nearly every measure.”
“Also, it’s not your place to quiz your sister.”
“You don’t have to have a degree to teach your children.”
“There are plenty, plenty of resources available for homeschooling that will be what is actually teaching your kid. Homeschooling isn’t just passing all of your own knowledge to your kid. It’s that and also everything they need to know.”
“There are still standards for homeschooling. And those standards can be more easily met in most cases through homeschooling.”
“Literally in disbelief this was marked ‘not the the a**hole.’ Were you my sister, I wouldn’t see or talk to you again until I received a heartfelt apology.” ~ Wanaghi_Tachanku
“IMHO YTA.”
“It’s not your place to decide how she raises her child, and she wasn’t asking for your opinion.”
“If you’d asked me those questions, I’d have told you to go f yourself, I didn’t have anything to prove to you.”
“No-one likes to be caught off guard, and you asked those questions with the expectation she’d get them wrong, and knowing that if she did get them wrong, she’d feel embarrassed.”
“Many people have concerns about homeschooling, but they’re absolutely irrelevant in how someone else educates their child.”
“Wait to be asked your opinion, and give it more gently than trying to prove you’re smarter than her – that might not have been your goal, but she’ll certainly feel like it was.” ~ Shot-Peak-1077
The willingness to put yourself out there, to do something that you have not done before, should be commended.
The largest hurdle some people will ever face is just the determination to start.
Shame is not a tool. It’s a weapon.
The only purpose shame has is to inflict pain on someone else.
Starting a new venture – whether it’s teaching or weight loss, or building a house – takes commitment and bravery.
These resources are in short supply already, without the added difficulty of shame.