For all the joy that comes with bringing a newborn baby home, the occasion also comes hand-in-hand with a fair amount of anxiety.
Specifically owing to the fact that babies are very easily susceptible to illness.
Indeed, with this in mind, some parents are particularly cautious and protective of their children during these early days.
Even going so far as to prevent certain people from holding or even touching their babies.
The mother of Redditor owni_powni recently paid a visit to see her grandson.
Unfortunately, not long after this visit, the original poster (OP)’s baby got worrisomely sick.
Convinced he caught it from her mother, the OP sent a lengthy text to her mother, only to discover her father deleted the message before she had a chance to read it.
Furious at her father for doing this, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole Here (AITAH).
While similar to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH? My mum made my child sick and my dad demanded my silence.”
The OP explained why she found herself at odds with both her parents:
‘My mother and father went to Egypt this past week, and the day after they came home my mum wanted to see my 8 week old son.’
“I had already discussed with my partner that I wasn’t comfortable her holding him as Egypt is notoriously dirty (like you can’t drink the water) so he nudged me when I had my back to her and she was leaning over the bouncer.”
“I immediately went over as he started to cry and she tried to put his dummy back in.”
“She had washed her hands (a request I have maintained since his birth) and went to play with his feet.”
“I tried not to let it affect me too much as she had washed her hands and took him out to feed him.”
“We went and sat on the couch and she began to tell me about her holiday – during which she dropped, ‘oh did I tell you we got diarrhoea in our trip?’”
“My stomach dropped but I asked her about it.”
“She told me it was the water, she had got tablets and was fine.”
“Immediately after I was done feeding him she asked to hold him.”
“I said no and she was visibly affronted and begins to defend that she’s not sick.”
“I tell her I’m just not comfortable with it but if she’s still fine on Sunday she can hold him at Sunday lunch.’
“She then goes on and on about how am I going to protect him over Christmas (we’re traveling to see my partners family) and I can’t protect him forever, it’s good for him to get sick etc.”
“I’m so used to this spiel from almost everyone in mine and my partners family that I just nod blithely and say ‘oh yes it is going to be difficult. As no one likes to hear the word “no”.'”
“She completely agrees, missing the point that was directed at her.”
“She made me feel like I was being pedantic rather than a concerned parent (with a superflu on the loose…).”
“The following day (yesterday) my baby comes down with diarrhea.”
“I am up til 4am with his gas and dirty diapers.”
“I texted my mum telling her how disappointed and upset I am and that I need her to respect my boundaries as a parent.”
“I tell her I felt her want for seeing my son went above his need to be protected from illness.”
“I also end with I’m not trying to upset you I’m just telling you this so we can move forward.”
‘This morning my dad texts me.”
“He deleted the message off my mums phone and tells me to think before I write.”
“Little does he know I spent an hour drafting the message trying to be firm but polite to maintain good relations.”
“I am infuriated by this and in an outburst tell him I will speak to them both at 1pm.”
“He replies with ‘don’t bother calling’ – so naturally I call him and my mother twice each.”
“They don’t answer.”
“I then tell him we can either call civilly or I will send her the message again.”
“He then says it was a week since she had been ill (untrue) and demanded I ‘show some respect’ to which I respond ‘respect doesn’t mean silence’.”
“I told him how he cannot mediate a conversation by excluding one voice and that he was totally undermining my role as a parent and he was damaging our relationship by refusing to take remedial action and acknowledge my boundaries.”
“He hasn’t responded.”
“My son is still extremely windy and uncomfortable but his diarrhea has almost stopped.”
“He’s my first child and I feel like I let him down and didn’t protect him when I could have.”
“I think it’s extremely unlikely he got it from anyone else.”
“We haven’t seen anyone else at all that week and always wash our hands after being to the supermarket.”
“I don’t want there to be bad feelings but it doesn’t feel like it’s my responsibility to fix this anymore.”
“What do you think?”
“AITAH for getting angry and blaming her?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many felt that the OP’s anger was more than justified, as she was clearly concerned about her son, and her parents should have respected that, even if some felt she could have handled things a bit more diplomatically:
“NTA!”
“Your son is your priority, and your parents thinking they know best and refusing to accept their wrongdoings just shows they don’t care about your child’s health and are more focused on pretending they did nothing wrong.”
“Have they done things like this before?”- Foultemptationz
‘I mean, either your mother made your child ill, or it’s just a huge coincidence, either way, as a parent, if you tell someone not to touch/hold your son, that should be enough, that’s your baby, you shouldn’t need to justify that to anyone.’
‘Also, your parents are grown adults, they should be able to act as such and actually have a conversation. You set a boundary with your child, and they’re not respecting it, they both need to be part of the conversation, not just your father.”- spookyd0nuts
“Are you sure that his diarrhea hasn’t stopped due to dehydration?”
“Little babies can get gravely ill if their electrolyte balance is off, too.”
“Please take your child to your doctor, or at least call them.”
“Is he acting in a robust way, or is he listless?”
“Did your parents learn nothing from the pandemic?”
“You hold the winning card, OP.”
“They deserve a long, long time out due to their careless and disrespectful behavior.”
“NTA.”- Swedishpunsch
“NTAH.”
“Your mom is obviously used to getting whatever the hell she wants by steamrolling people into submission, and your dad is clearly co-dependant and perpetuates it even when it hurts others.”
“I would honestly distance myself from them for a while.”
“No consequences, no lesson learned.”
“I’m a huge believer that you don’t reward bad behavior.”
“Overlooking it or caving to pressure from bullies just teaches them that bullying is how you get what you want.”
“You have to remove the reward and initiate a consequence to extinguish maladaptive behavior.”
“Not being able to see her grandbaby or get together with you for a few months should do the trick.”-Banana_Ham_mock
“We have viruses now that didn’t exist when you were a baby.”
“They need to respect your wishes with a baby so young he has no immune system.”-Superb_Ad_4464
“NTA.”
“Your parents suck.”- GooseAntique8307
There were some, however, who had trouble sympathizing with the OP, finding it unlikely that her mother got her baby sick, and feeling no one was being especially mature in this situation:
“If she got diarrhea from the water wouldn’t your kid need to be exposed to the water to get what she had?”
“If she needed tablets to get better, then wouldn’t your kid need that same treatment?”- Grimalkinnn
“Newborn 8-week-old babies don’t get diarrhea, that’s their only type of poop.”
“Unless you are saying his poop had blood in it?”
“That would be the only difference between normal newborn poop and what you call diarrhea.”
“And if that’s the case, your pediatrician would send you to the ER with the symptoms.”
“Even a flu or cold, they would have you go to the ER with a newborn.”
“I know it’s not popular, but as a mom of many, I would wonder if you are assigning normal poop as diarrhea and overreacting.”
“If you truly believe your new baby has a virus or if it has a fever, you need to go to ER.”-I_wet_my_plants
It’s unclear, maybe even unlikely, that the OP’s baby caught diarrhea from her mother.
Even so, the OP’s father hiding her message from her mother and then ignoring her calls, will not improve any of the problems they are going through right now.
In order for everyone to reach an understanding, they will need to start communicating.