Having a new baby is simultaneously exciting and exhausting.
Add in unsolicited comments from family, and the result is… well, complicated.
Redditor princessbeatrix1923 recently learned her sister-in-law had opinions on her new baby’s name that were circulating online.
This caused the Original Poster (OP) to confront her SIL. The result of which led the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked,
“AITA I called my sister-in-law out on shaming my baby name on her forum”
She went on to explain.
“I [age 36] have a SIL [sister-in-law age 31] who, as a hobby, manages an online baby name discussion board.” “
I just had my baby three months ago, and she did not approve of the name. Before you ask, no it’s not something insane. It’s just old-fashioned.”
“I don’t want to share it for privacy reasons, but it’s something similar to “Astor” or “Saffron,” just an old-timey plant name.”
“She posted about my baby’s name and held it up for ridicule, saying I was ‘cursing’ my daughter with a ‘terrible and embarrassing name.’”
“I only knew because my husband mentioned her forum to me, so I looked at it, and everyone commenting was being nasty about my name choice.”
“I was hurt, especially because my in-laws are all Catholic, and I picked this name because it’s also a Saint name, so I wanted to be respectful.”
“I sent her an angry email saying she had no right to share my kid’s name and hold it up for ridicule, and I also called her a b*tch, which I know is wrong.”
“I’m just sad, and it’s hard enough breast-feeding and dealing with sleepless nights, but my husband thinks I overreacted, and I think I may have.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“I would need to know the actual name to be able to make a judgment. There are many flower names that would be terrible for a child to have.” – WolfGoddess773
“If you named your child Marguerite you are in the clear. If you went with something like Lima, that’s a whole different kettle of fish.” – a_mostly_happy_clam
“Even if it’s not a great name, this is the child’s aunt publicly shaming her name. I would not want this person in my daughter’s life.” – Snafflebit238
“NTA. She came for you – and your baby – and you got triggered. That’s pretty understandable to me.”
“If this is your SIL due to your husband, he should apologize to you for ’cursing’ you with a ‘terrible and embarrassing’ SIL.” – 3Dog_Nitz
“Info – did she call you out specifically?”
-
“Like ‘My SIL Jane just had a baby girl and named her Astor, and isn’t that a terrible and embarrassing name!!’”
-
“Or was it more like ‘I just heard of a baby girl named Astor, and I think that’s a terrible and embarrassing name.’”
“If she called you out and made it very clear that this was a personal attack on you specifically, then you’ve got every right to be upset.”
“Otherwise, she’s allowed to have her own stupid opinion, and you should ignore it.”
“I did see your comment about her mispronouncing your daughter’s name, though, and that needs to be corrected each time she does it.” – DisneyBuckeye
“Op, for God’s sake, just post the name. The standoff attitude in the comments is making me think that your child’s name IS something that calls for being made fun of.”
“It’s also making it very hard to side with you” – Monokuma_Parade
“ESH”
“1. it was rude of your SIL”
“2. it was unnecessary for you to call her a b*tch”
“separately: you’re being weird and rude in the comments, and ppl do name their kids stupid sh*t (ex. rn it’s oddly popular to name babies the way one might name a dog, even though the child is a human person who is going to have to live with that name, and not a virtual sim baby);”
“so while one can name their child whatever they please, don’t be surprised by any future reactions.”
“i really do wonder what it is if it apparently had “everyone” commenting about how terrible it is because ppl on those kinds of boards usually have a high tolerance for names lmfao” – badmoodsrising
“YTA because I’m pretty confident you named your child Hildegard” – al_fannie
“Going off your comments, YTA” – Haidakun
“Without knowing the name, ESH”
“Your SIL for obvious reasons”
“You for blowing up at her”
“You again for how you’re acting in these comments”
“And maybe you for the name, we can’t really know because you decline to share it.” – bakedjennett
“ESH. SIL for shaming. You’re the AH because you’re being rude in the comments and acting very defensive over the name.”
“Which makes me and others think that the name is bad. Share the name or deal with the reactions.” – HotFudgeFuzz
“If you named your daughter Dorcas Y T A.”
“My husband grew up with a girl with the name, and she said even within the church, it was brutal having that name.”
“I don’t think your SIL should have publicly shamed the name, but if it’s really bad, I feel bad for your daughter.” – AlwaysAboutMe
“ESH. I mean, you came here to bash your SIL like she bashed your baby’s name. Did your husband know she publicly bashed the name, or did you just go stalking her one day?” – Blahblahblah0327
“ESH, your sister should not have posted about the name, but you’re gonna find some friction here until you reveal what the name is.”
“you already posted your situation on Reddit; if you’re being secretive about the name, it casts suspicion upon you.”
“especially when you’re replying saying that’s NOT what the name is and being rude to people asking about it.”
“do you want us to guess until we find a flower + saint name that you won’t deny? because we will.” – PaleWaffle
“YTA you are bashing her on a public forum about bashing something about you on a public forum… hypocrisy is real, dude. Also, it’s just a first name…” – pinto139
“ESH. Your SIL should not have shamed your baby’s name. You should not have used such nasty language calling her out.”
“Remember, this SIL, no matter how awful, is part of your extended family. Holding back on your language would show that you are the better person and would only help you in the long run.”
“And BTW, the plant is an aster, not an astor. Hope the real name is spelled correctly!” – greta_cat
“Definition of an AH right there.”
“Without knowing it, I’d bet you gave her a lovely name. Sometimes there are classics for a reason.”
“But even if her name was a fruit or vegetable, SIL was being a jerk.”
“NTA” – Major_Barnacle_2212
“AITA? NO ! I don’t think that you are in the least. I also think that the “B” word is technically correct in the context in which it was used.”
“I’m an agnostic, but it’s my understanding that naming a child after a Saint is not uncommon for a Catholic parent.”
“Your sister-in-law might have a legal right to shame someone on the internet, but to do that to someone within her own family is stupid, cruel and asking for a major family blow-up.” – JHugh4749
“ESH.”
“Your SIL is an arse for making fun of your baby’s name behind your back. If she has an issue with it, she should’ve told you face to face, which she didn’t have the guts to do.”
“You’re an arse for calling her a b*tch, or calling any woman a b*tch. There’s a plethora of other curse words that could’ve been used that aren’t misogynistic.”
“Also, depending on what your baby’s name is, also an arse rating there. If it’s like Juniper or Veronica, then you’re clear, but if it’s Orrin or Narcisa, YTA.”
“Yeah, there’s such a thing as bad and cruel names.”
“I mean, I was also named after a plant, and I like my name. It’s cute. It’s like my own little symbol; even tho it’s not the prettiest plant, I don’t mind.” – angryeggyboy
“NTA”
“I have no idea why people somehow think there is a free pass to say things online that are completely out of bounds to say to your face.”
“Does your husband feel like if your SIL said to your face that you cursed your daughter with a terrible and embarrassing name, that you would have no right to get angry at her??”
“I’m going to guess no.”
“Well, a public forum where she is not anonymous is the same. d*mn. thing.”
“You are not under some kind of bizarre internet code of conduct that declares you pretend not to have seen the things she broadcast online.”
“Also, your SIL’s “hobby” seems to be attacking people over names, of all things. She probably needs to get called out more.”
“And people need to stop being so weirdly invested in other people’s names. OP said the name was not insane.”
“We all know the clear difference between naming your child SexyButt and Prudence. Yet even in the comments here, there are people going off about the names they hate and wouldn’t tolerate.”
“Who asked you? Get lives and children of your own to name.” – ImaginaryAnts
Hopefully, the OP can work things out with her SIL before her baby gets much older.