We often hear about the ongoing friction and arguments that plague some of our favorite bands. It's worrisome because we just want them to keep pumping out the music we love to listen to, and know they're feeling good doing it.
Rarely do we ever get an inside look at those arguments. We tend to hear about them afterword in the press.
But a recent post in the "Am I the A**hole (AITA)" subReddit offered a view into those dynamics.
The Original Poster (OP), anonymously named throwaway726625, described a recent spat between her and her fellow musicians.
The title clarified exactly where the conflict began.
"AITA for telling my friend she doesn't have the voice for singing like I do?"
OP kicked off with a broad description of the singer in question.
"My friend is a good singer, I'm not denying that. But her tone is more light and breathy. Her range is on the higher side. And she has a softer voice not a loud big voice."
"People usually praise this as it's 'unique' and 'angelic' often referred to if that helps explain it. She can sing low notes but I'd compare her to ariana grande, billie, Sabrina carpenter softer lower register."
Then came the first exchange.
"We were singing along to a piano and during her part she got a bit quiet.
"I made a joke about how it would be helpful if she could actually learn how to use her chest voice since she didn't really have one."
"I also demonstrated how it would be easier for her if she had a voice like mine, since I have a strong musical theatre voice."
OP offered up a suggestion.
"She responded she naturally has a softer voice naturally and different voices have different strengths. So I suggested if she can't do it just give me her part."
"The other girls then butted in, as they do, and said not everyone has to have the same voice type and that different sounds make the group sound interesting."
"They also said that singing loud doesn't mean singing good (apparently) and she sounded loud enough just a in mixed not full chest and apparently it sounded good."
But OP's patience wore thin.
"After some practice I started to get frustrated. The part needed a clear strong voice, not a breathy whisper voice. It's just what's best for the group and our success at the audition.
"So I voiced this and suggested I take her part since I don't think she suited the song."
That led to some terse language.
"One of the girls said in a rude tone 'if you're going to dictate what everyone has to sound like and act so up ur a** that anyone who doesn't sound like you is wrong just get the fu** out' so I just left."
"I tried to work things out with them later on but they informed me they've redistributed my solos and no longer wanted me in the group."
"I found this hurtful since I had everyone's best interest in mind and never said she couldn't sing. I don't see what I did wrong."
"AITA for literally being honest?"
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Most Redditors agreed that OP was indeed the a**hole in this situation.
To hammer that claim home, they simply reviewed what happened.
"YTA. You made a joke about her natural singing voice, then proceeded to compare her voice to your 'strong musical theater voice,' and capped it all off by trying to take over her part. How do you think that would feel if someone did the exact same thing to you?"
"Maybe (and who knows because good singing is subjective) you were technically right in that your voice was more appropriate for that part. But your delivery method hurt her feelings and pi**ed off the other members of the group."
"Just because we all have the ability to say whatever the fu** we want doesn't mean our words do not have consequences." -- abaumynight
"YTA- you tried to take her part multiple times, insulted her voice style, and didn't listen to the multiple people trying to tell you why what you were doing was rude."
"You have quite a double standard— when you speak up and tell other people what to do, it's 'honesty', but when other people do the same to you, it's 'rude.' "
"Tbh sounds like they set pretty clear and fair boundaries and that parting ways is gonna be best for all of you since it's such a bad fit." -- gofund_yourself
Others also picked up on the flaw in that "honesty" defense.
"YTA. 'I was just being honest' is not a carte blanche for acting like an a**hole. You made your point, the entire rest of the group disagreed. At that point, you were outvoted and you should've dropped it."
"Also, 'I also demonstrated how it would be easier for her if she had a voice like mine' is just eye-rollingly obnoxious. No wonder everyone else voted you out of the group. You seem insufferably arrogant." -- missmistryl
"YTA Being honest does not mean being rude and self-righteous." -- KAW013010
"Wow - you're a wannabe diva in training. You weren't being honest - you were being a bully. YTA - settle down and go solo J.Lo." -- myKattDoesntLikeYou
"I'm just going to be honest, I don't think you know much about singing. But you know even less about tact." -- sdw9342
Others identified some obvious jealousy at play.
"You sound low key jealous of her. YTA." -- Amara_Undone
"YTA sounds like everyone else prefers her voice over yours, and that you're a wee bit jelly here." -- _Deletion
"YTA We get it you're jealous." -- Island_Witch
A few had some apt pop culture references at the ready.
"Is this the Cheetah Girls plot? Just wondering because it sounds so..... Disney villain. YTA" -- jainboww
"YTA. You sound like Rachel from Glee, and that is NOT a good thing." -- Downtherabbithutch
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.