Most of us are taught not to put material possessions over loved ones.
After all, things are just things.
No human life is worth less than a bauble.
This is true.
But some possessions have very deep meaning.
And people often take great pride and care in owning them.
This is why not every piece of jewelry is meant to be lent out.
This rule of thumb can cause some heavy drama among family members.
Especially when special events come up.
Case in point…
Redditor Valuable-Charge9683 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for refusing to let my sister wear our late mom’s necklace on her wedding day?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My sister (22 F[emale]) and I (26 F) lost our mom 20 years ago.”
“Mom had a lot of jewelry, and she had it in her will that we would each get specific pieces of it.”
“Our Dad remarried a year later to Jane.”
“My sister considers Jane her mom and Jane’s daughter Norah (23 F) her sister.”
“Due to her feeling like they were just mom and sister and not step, my sister has given away all the jewelry she got from mom to Jane and Norah.”
“I always refused to let them borrow pieces from me.”
“Jane always rubbed me the wrong way because she said my mom was not my sister’s mom anymore, and she was basically a stand-in until her real mom (her/Jane) could come into my sister’s life.”
“She said it was disgusting that I would think it a bad thing for my sister to share pretty jewelry with no real meaning with her family.”
“She said I was the one who was rejecting a mom and sister.”
“My sister has nothing left from what mom left her.”
“When she was graduating high school, she was upset about not having anything to wear, or so it appeared, and she asked if she could borrow a bracelet mom left me.”
“I was like, sure, just give it back after.”
“But my sister gave it to Jane after, and it took months for me to get it back.”
“I told Jane I would escalate the situation if I didn’t.”
“Everyone, meaning dad, my sister, Jane, and Norah, thought I was shi**y for that.”
“Now my necklace has become an issue.”
“It was mom’s favored piece of jewelry, and I have always worn it.”
“I wore it on my wedding day.”
“My sister is aware that it was mom’s favorite, and she has seen photos of her wearing it.”
“She wanted to borrow it to wear on her wedding day.”
“I was like, no f**king way.”
“I told her I had made it clear after the graduation incident that she was never borrowing another piece from me again.”
“And I told her that if she wants something of mom’s to wear, she should take back the stuff she gave away.”
“My sister lost it with me and started yelling that I have always held it against her, that she didn’t hold mom on a pedestal and reject everyone who came into our lives after.”
“She said I had no right to throw that stuff in her face (I didn’t) and that she should be allowed to wear something of mom’s to her wedding just like I did when I got married.”
“She broke down and told me I was selfish and awful, and I took pleasure in doing this to her, and I sucked and had ruined her wedding.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA – it’s your jewelry.”
“If your sister valued the thought of wearing/owning something that belonged to your mom, she should have kept her pieces instead of giving them away to someone who had ‘no real meaning’ towards the jewelry in terms of sentimental value.”
“If she understands the sentimentality of having your mother’s jewelry, she should have promptly returned your bracelet, not given your bracelet to your stepsister without asking you.”
“You can’t trust her. Either her own sense of propriety is warped, or your stepmom/sis has some undue influence on her.”
“She can get hers back or deal with it.”
“The biggest AH here are stepmom/sis to manipulate a child who lost their mother to just take somebody else’s jewelry passed down from a relative.”
“I hate the term how it’s used most of the time, but here ‘gold-digger’ is very much appropriate.” ~ Loading-Laundry
“Dad should have kept it safe for her until she was old enough to understand its value and care for it on her own.”
“The fact that she had already given all the jewelry away before she even graduated from high school means that their dad did a lousy job of protecting his daughter’s legacy and heritage.” ~ readthethings13579
“Totally agree. Sis was still a minor by the time the steps confiscated all the jewelry.”
“Where was the adult looking after her interests?”
“Even if sis has no memory of her mom, the items obviously had monetary value, and stepmom swooped in on them.”
“She no doubt has had her eye on OP’s necklace for some time.” ~ Seed_Planter72
“I think it’s more that she wants what her sister has.”
“OP has other jewelry that belonged to her mom, and there is all the jewelry that sister gave to Jane and Norah that she could borrow back.”
“But she wants the specific piece OP wore on her wedding day, which she knows OP values more than any other.”
“First of all, OP shouldn’t lend it as she’d never get it back, if only because it’s ‘but I wore it on my wedding day and now it’s special to me.'”
“If all she wants is something of her Mother’s to wear on that day, she can borrow one of the ones she gave away.”
“And as others have said, I can’t believe that Jane, the stepmother, accepted those pieces.”
“A kid, I can understand, but the stepmother?”
“She must be an incredibly selfish person.” ~ BluePencils212
“If OP’s sister gave it all away by graduation, then I’m assuming she gave it away before she hit 18 and probably didn’t understand the importance it could have to her later in life.”
“However, OP is definitely NTA for refusing to lend her sister the necklace.”
“She has proven she will not honor OP’s wishes and give it straight back afterward.”
“And she proved that at an age where she was old enough to understand what she was doing.”
“The sister needs to ask Jane and Norah for pieces she can wear.”
“Also, where does the Dad stand in all this?”
“He seems like an AH for not stepping in to stop the sister from giving stuff away, or the steps from taking it in my opinion.” ~ eternal_entropy
“If Sis just wants a piece to wear at her wedding, why couldn’t she borrow it back from her stepmom — since she apparently considers Jane her ‘real mom?'”
“A piece of jewelry that had been her bio mom’s and was now Jane’s should be a great way to represent them both — if any of these other people actually meant anything that they were saying about their feelings for each other and the jewelry.”
“But that Jane and Norah took everything from OP’s sister and won’t loan anything back or are pretending they won’t in the hopes of getting more ‘loaned’ from OP) shows their selfishness.”
“And sis is crying that she’s right to value their mother less but still wants to wear her necklace.” ~ calling_water
“I can’t help but wonder if the jewelry is still around.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if the stepmother pawned it.” ~ mightymouse2975
“I wonder if it was legal.”
“It was her willed inheritance.”
“She was a minor.” ~ PicklesMcpickle
“That is actually an EXCELLENT point.”
“OP, you should explore this… and talk with your sister separately.”
“DO NOT loan her your jewelry, but it would be fair to remind her that as a minor, her inheritance of jewelry should have been protected for her future use – not handed over to her as a child.”
“And the fact that S-Mom and S-Sis were so willing to abuse a position of power to basically steal her inheritance speaks volumes about their character.”
“Maybe suggest she take it up with them and consider hiring an attorney.” ~ Adventurous-Try1728
“OP shouldn’t lend out their mother’s jewelry for sure.”
“But dad needs to step in here and go through his home and take all sis’s mom’s jewelry back from Jane and Norah (who stole it from her… badgering a child to give you their belongings is stealing even if the child relents and gives the items up ‘willingly’).
“Honestly, if he were a decent man and learned about this, he’d be absolutely inflamed with anger at his wife and would do everything he could to recover everything they took from his daughter.”
“Even if it means filing a report for stolen property.”
“Let chips fall.”
“Daughters were there first. nobody gets to come in and take their stuff.” ~ theSopranoist
“I think the biggest AH is the Dad for not realizing how OP feels about her Mother’s jewelry.”
“I don’t wear jewelry ever. Hate how it feels.”
“But when my mom passes, if she gives me some of her rings or necklaces, you bet your @ss that will stay in my possession forever, and I wouldn’t loan it to anyone but my own child.”
“This whole family except OP is skewed.” ~ SingleMom24-1
“NTA. Your sister can ask Jane or Nora.”
“Your necklace isn’t just ‘technically’ yours, but legally, and after the bracelet debacle, you’re right not to trust her.”
“You should address this with your father; it’s a shame he didn’t have your back the first time.” ~ Inner-Show-1172
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
That necklace is your property.
Your sister has proven to be untrustworthy with your belongings.
Why can’t Jane and Norah lend her a few pieces, whether it be theirs or ones they “borrowed” from her late mother?
Stand your ground, and good luck.