What does one wear to a casual family gathering in the summer?
And will one’s choices cause chaos?
You can’t please everybody with your fashion choices.
Case in point…
Redditor Throwaway34938 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to change bikinis?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’ll start by saying that where I live (not US) is rather hot at the moment and is ”pool party season.'”
“My grandparents own a house with a big pool and so, weekly or bi-weekly my family gather to just have fun and swim.”
“My grandparents don’t mind since they don’t really do anything besides offer the house, we all cook, buy snacks, get the place ready and then clean.”
“Two years ago my sister married her now husband who happens to be one of my exes.”
“At first I was horrified because they began to date pretty quickly, but now, I don’t mind.”
“We don’t interact much (never have) so at previous gatherings we would just be in on our business. not really caring for the other.”
“She’s usually with our cousins and our parents while I’m with our grandparents and some aunts/uncles.”
“Her husband (whom I’ll call Mike) is always there of course, but we don’t talk to each other, she’s pregnant (26 weeks).”
“Last Sunday we were getting the garden ready when she came to me and asked me to change.”
“I was already wearing my bikini with a see-trough dress over it, it was a normal one.”
“But I have bigger boobs than her and she was fuming.”
“I asked if I had something on it, and she said ”No, but I’m pregnant and I don’t feel my best. I don’t want Mike looking at you.'”
“I was confused and looked at Mike who was playing with one of my cousins but not really paying attention.”
“I said she didn’t really have to worry about Mike but this made her angrier.”
“And she told me to not act like we were buddies and go change.”
“I said ”Sorry, no, I won’t change.'”
“She said I was trying to get her husband’s attention and I actually laughed because, what the f**k?”
“I said that if it bothered her so much she should’ve thought of that before getting with my ex.”
“My grandpa got in the middle and told us to stop.”
“He told my sister I wasn’t changing and he asked me to say sorry for my last comment.”
“I did and she wasn’t happy.”
“Later on my mom came to me with another bikini and told me to go change.”
“But I just decided to go home.”
“And it caused my grandpa to scold both my sister and mom for making his house ”a hostile environment’.'”
“And now they’re both mad at me because ‘I just should have changed.'”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared everyone involved was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Your grandpa was 100% accurate.” ~ feathersandheroin
“Hormonal is one thing, that level of very direct insecurity cannot be based on hormones alone.”
“I am willing to bet she has always felt insecure about becoming involved and then marrying OP’s ex-boyfriend.”
“OP You Are NTA!!”
“You were expected to deal with the awkwardness of her dating and then marrying your ex-boyfriend, there is no excuse for expecting you to once again be made to feel awkward in your own family.”
“In my opinion you should be celebrated for overcoming the uncomfortable situation created by bringing him into the family, for being comfortable in your own skin.”
“And for refusing to allow her to body shame you just because she is insecure.” ~ Betrayed_Orphan
“People giving passes for pregnancy always sits funny with me.”
“Because I’m told to ‘suck it up and not be a d**k’ despite having actual diagnosed mental health issues that can make that difficult at times.”
“Yet if I was pregnant, I’d be ‘hormonal’ and ‘not an a**hole.'”
“Like, no.”
“There can be reasons for acting a certain way, but that doesn’t make the behavior okay.”
“If I’m rude af to my friend, they 100% have the right to call me out and I want them to call me out.”
“There’s a difference between understanding the reason behind a shi**y behavior and not going scorched earth because of that understanding and letting someone do whatever they want.”
“The grandpa had the right of it here.”
“Sis was being a d**k, but OP could have just let it go with ‘I’m not changing.'”
“Sis is likely hormonal and dealing with the massive body changes of pregnancy so feeling insecure makes sense.”
“That doesn’t mean she can dictate what OP wears, but it’s not like she randomly decided to slut shame OP for no reason other than funsies either.” ~ Elaan21
“There’s an old Amazon commercial with a little pony that just wanted to be friends with the nearby horses.”
“Lady buys a ‘pony door’ off amazon and the pony is just so happy to be loved.”
“I was pregnant with my daughter when this was big and would full ugly sob every time it was on.”
“Hormones are really something else.”
“That being said, agree with the previous comments that they don’t give you an unlimited pass to take out insecurities on others.”
“I did I feel like a planet? Yep.”
“But that would be a ‘me’ problem.”
“If she’s so worried about the husband.”
“What she’s really saying is the she doesn’t trust her husband. NTA.” ~ mskitkatbarr
“Sister is the one who is jealous of her looking good in a bikini.”
“Mike didn’t care and neither did anyone else.”
“She was feeling insecure and she felt that she had the right to remove anything from her sight that made her feel bad about herself.”
“Too bad, so sad that she’s feeling frumpy.”
“That doesn’t make her queen and allow her to force everyone within eyesight to have their clothing approved by her so that they don’t offend her.”
“She’s being controlling and grandpa was right to scold her and her mother.”
“Sister need to grow up. NTA.” ~ babcock27
“NTA. Your grandpa was even on your side, so don’t worry too much about it.”
“It’s obvious that your sister is insecure, since she started dating your ex a little bit after you broke up.”
“Maybe she thinks that he’s dating her cuz you both look similar?”
“Her insecurities increase during pregnancy.”
“But that doesn’t mean that she can act like an AH and expect you to change in a pool party that WASN’T EVEN IN HER HOUSE.” ~ Karla_I2007
“NTA. If it’s warm and you’re at the pool, you can wear a bikini.”
“And your ex wasn’t even paying attention to you.”
“Sound like your sister has a lot of insecurity.”
“Did she have issues before (like accusing you of trying to get with her guy/you ex)?”
“It may just have been due to hormones.” ~ Other_Staff1697
“NTA. Your sister doesn’t like the grave she dug for herself.”
“Your grandpa was right in how he approached it.”
“Your mom, she is just as much an asshole as your sister.”
“The only one who would need to be respectful to are your grandparents and they didn’t mind the bikini.”
“Everyone else is irrelevant.” ~ lil-peanutbutter
“NTA. her insecurity is not your problem.”
“I hate the notion that bikinis are inherently sexual and by wearing one you are attracting male attention, intentionally or not.”
“You did absolutely nothing wrong, you wore a bikini to a pool party, and your refusal to change was completely justified.”
“I would’ve done exactly the same.”
“Also your grandpa is the goat.”
“Give him a big hug for me.” ~ maibearx
“NTA. She seems to not trust her own husband and is feeling insecure about her own body due to the pregnancy.”
“Listen, kiddos. You cannot control your partner.”
“Who they look at, how they feel, none of it.”
“If you don’t trust your partner not to cheat, then you shouldn’t be with them.”
“If the mere act of looking at another breathing human makes you uncomfortable, then you are the problem.”
“Your grandpa is awesome, because they did make that house a hostile environment.”
“And they should absolutely be ashamed of themselves.”
“Go grandpa, he’s awesome.”
“Your mother and sister nee to grow the hell up.” ~ AnthropOctopus
“NTA. It’s not your job to ugly up because she’s pregnant.”
“She literally took your ex.”
“That’s a big no no girls club code violation to a lot of people… wear what you want.”
“She got the guy and his baby.”
“She can sit down and be quiet now.”
“Enjoy that bikini body.” ~ blacksheep9595
Well this is a situation.
Reddit is here for you OP.
You should be able to wear whatever makes you comfortable (within reason in public).
Sounds like your sister may need some therapy.
Good luck.