Accidents happen.
Spilled milk, banged toes, the occasional poorly-worded tweet.
Not every accident is so minor though, and when we’re dealing with automobiles it can be far worse.
What happens, though, when you pass by an accident and those riding with you want a better look?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Silly_Clock8745 when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for some outside opinions.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to turn around so my sister’s friend could see an accident scene?”
OP began with the reason for the trip.
“Over the weekend, I (33 male) drove my sister and her friend (25 female) to the beach.”
“I don’t really partake in any beachside activities, but they had been asking me to take them for a while and since they both don’t drive, I figured I could sacrifice a morning/afternoon for that.”
“They did their thing at the beach and the early afternoon departure more or less turned into a late afternoon departure.”
Everything was fine, until…
“But on the way home when I was driving, suddenly my sister looked out the passenger side window and said ‘holy sh*t!'”
“I looked over to see what had gotten her attention, and there had been an accident involving a motorcyclist.”
“He was laying flat on the ground, not moving, and an elderly man was frantically on his phone, supposedly calling 911.”
“My sister’s friend didn’t see the accident because she was on her phone, but when my sister explained the situation, she said ‘turn around I want to see.’ Immediately I shut that down with a ‘hell f**king no; only the worst type of people gawk at accidents like that.'”
“My sister told me to chill with that and that we could take a side street from which it was still visible.”
“Immediately I shut that suggestion down and drove them home in silence.”
“When we got back, my sister’s friend called me a loser for having no girlfriend (???) and then she and my sister went inside.”
Then later:
“I went out to get some food, but during my meal my sister sent me nasty texts asking why it was so hard to just appease her friend.”
OP was left to wonder.
“I can’t imagine I’m an a**hole here, but did I do something wrong?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to reddit for some outside opinions.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NTA.
Some responses were very direct.
“NTA.”
“You weren’t under any obligation to satisfy you sister’s friend’s morbid curiosity.” ~ jsodano
Or:
“OP should have drop the friend off at the scene and left her there if she wants to see it so badly.” ~ Safe-Recover2435
Others had personal experiences to share.
“This.”
“Also, seeing accident scenes is either more traumatic than you expect it to be (semi trailer, convertible, next lane over on an 8th grade vacation, I still remember that)”
“Or else you’ve probably got some sort of pathology that lets you get off on gore. Either way, not good to indulge the friend’s desire.” ~ RainbowCrane
Also:
“He’s absolutely right that the worst kind of people gawk at other people’s worst moments.”
“When I was in an accident, sitting in the road with a head injury and broken bones and my car totaled and smoking next to me.”
“I don’t remember much but I remember people literally slowing down to take pictures with their phones.”
“That only added to the trauma of an already terrible situation. I felt humiliated and like my pain was some kind of circus act. I didn’t even want to think about where the pictures might end up.”
“It takes a special kind of person to literally turn their car around to go gawk at someone’s suffering, OPs sisters friend I awful.” ~ Still_Day
Or:
“NTA.”
“I was the person being stared at when I was seven.”
“I got into a really nasty wreck, and had to see several dead and dying people while we waited for help.”
“I thought I was dying, too.”
“Some people came over, but instead of offering help, they just stared, or even took pictures of my family and I.”
“Those people made the really traumatic memory even worse.”
“That experience is why I don’t slow down or stop to look when I’m passing a wreck. The people involved notice others staring, and it’s a horrible feeling.”
“Staring does nothing for the victims when they are in such a vulnerable situation. They aren’t entertainment. Thank you for not letting your sister and her friend do that.” ~ Delicious-Carpet-3
Commenters pointed out that Sister and her Friend were being ungrateful.
“This is what got me, not that OP (rightly) didn’t turn round, it’s that they had given up their day, stayed later than planned, basically did something really kind and selfless – then got berated for not being a ghoul.”
“NTA and that should be the last time you do anything nice for your sister until you get a genuine apology for being so f*****g ungrateful.” ~ Daveii_captain
Also,
“NTA, but I’d have a talk with your sister about this if you’re comfortable with it.”
“You generously went out of the way to bring them to the beach, and then you had to drive them home again.”
“Refused to turn around illegally to gawk at some poor stranger that didn’t need anyone gawking.”
“Your sister tried to convince you to still turn around so that her friend can gawk.”
“Your sister’s friend wanted you to go out of your way so that she can see a potentially seriously injured or even dead man.”
“You guys didn’t need to be there, you didn’t need to turn around, and you don’t need to take their abuse because they wanted to be sadistic.”
“How would they like it if they were having a medical emergency and someone went out of their way to come back and stare at them?”
“Those girls didn’t want to help, their intention wasn’t to help – their whole intention was to watch like it was some fun show.”
“That’s gross.” ~ dinkydish
Commenters commended OP for his situational awareness.
“NTA.”
“That could have very much been a life or death situation there for that man and if you had stopped or turned around to gawk, would have not only been among, as you yourself said, some of the most despicable people I know of.”
“But could have indirectly been interference for emergency responders. Your choice may very well have saved that man’s life. The alternative…could have cost him it.”
“If anything, OP, you’re a hero, not an a**hole.” ~ TheEuphoricTribble
There was also talk of the real consequences for these situations.
“NTA.”
“Your sister and her friend were treating an accident – possibly a fatal one – like it was a fun little skit being put on for their entertainment.”
“Let me reiterate here, there’s a good chance that motorcyclist was dead. You’re not an AH for refusing to treat a possible death like it was a cheap form of entertainment.” ~ fading__blue
Also:
“NTA.”
“That was someone’s very worst, and possibly last, moment.”
“It is not a d*mn spectator sport.”
“You’re absolutely 100% correct that only the worst people want to gawk at horrendous accidents – especially when someone could have lost their life.”
“I’m glad you refused her and gave her a wake-up call.”
“Your sister’s friend was being a ghoul, a loser, and a tremendous AH. Any chance your sister will realize how much ‘friend’ sucks and distance herself?” ~ FNTsince1983
Sister and her friend received no sympathy.
“NTA.”
“Your sister and her friend sound like spoiled kids though.”
“I had to double check the ages.”
“They’re mid-20s and gawking at dying people like they’re at a zoo?”
“Making fun of someone who did them an expensive favor? I imagine with gas prices right now that little trip to the beach was decently expensive.”
“I wouldn’t ever drive them anywhere again, and when they complain say ‘Sorry I’m too busy trying to get a girlfriend’.” ~ KawaiiQueen92
Or:
“Dude how in the actual f**k could you be the a**hole for refusing to cater to the whims of a couple of Morbidity Vultures?”
“You acted absolutely correctly, the poor bastard on deck doesn’t need a couple of young women gawking at him.”
“Neither does the poor bastard trying get him help on the phone.”
“If you’re gonna be there, be there to help not stare, your moral compass points the right way my man, tell them both to f**k off they should be ashamed.”
“NTA.” ~ Gaunt-85
Others were just confused.
“NTA.”
“What does you not being in a relationship have to do with anything?”
“At least you have a license and a vehicle! I wouldn’t give the friend anymore rides ever. Sister wouldn’t get any rides until she apologized for being a dumb B.”
“My (33f) boyfriend (40m) didn’t have a girlfriend for well over a decade before we started dating.”
“The one before me was when he was in his early 20’s and he was 37 when we started dating.”
“We have an 18 month old. He owns 2 homes, 2 cars, a motorcycle, converted van RV and provides for our family while I’m a Sahm.”
“He’s also paying for my vehicle until I go back to work. So honestly being 33 and not having a girlfriend means nothing. A lot of people meet the right one later in life.” ~ Kindly-Ad6337
While accidents do happen, rejoicing in them isn’t great behavior.
Be cautious with people who delight in the suffering of others.
Remember, if you’re not helping, you are likely hindering.