Not everyone lives the way you think they should.
They might like different foods or wear different clothes.
The expectation, of course, is that if you are a guest in someone else’s home you abide by their rules.
So what happens when a guest goes out of their way to break that trust?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) GGlamb when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
He asked:
“AITA for kicking out my sister because she wouldn’t respect my wife?”
OP started with a simple premise.
“I (32M) and my wife (31F) sleep in separate bedrooms.”
“It sounds a little weird, but it isn’t.”
“My wife has gone through some things, and one thing she refuses to do is sleep in the same room as someone. The only exception is babies and children.”
“She told me from the beginning she trusts me with every fiber of her being, but she just cannot do it. Of course, I didn’t care, and I have my own little bat cave where I sleep.”
Then got to the event at hand.
“Now, here’s where the actual story is.”
“My sister (27F) asked if she could stay over at our house for the weekend because apparently she and her roommate got into an argument.”
“Me and my wife agreed, and I told my sister about my wife’s room thing. If you know she’s sleeping, don’t go in there.”
“My sister was always kind of a spoiled brat, but it really shone here. She complained that the bed in the guest room was too lumpy, and she didn’t wanna sleep in my room because of my ‘man smell’”.
“After all this, it was obvious that she would complain about the couch too.”
“I told her my wife’s room was off limits, and it was either the options we gave her or she could find a motel.”
“She agreed, and everything seemed fine until I woke up at 3 in the damn morning to my wife yelling along with my sister.”
“When I went to go see what happened, my wife was crying, and my sister was just yelling back.”
“I learned now that my sister sleeps in her underwear, so that made it even worse.”
Bye.
“I got into the argument and started yelling at my sister to get her crap and get out.”
“Had one rule, and she broke it.”
“Her last statement was calling my wife a crybaby. My wife told me that my sister was trying to sleep in her room, possibly trying to kick her out?”
“After that, I got text messages and calls from my parents saying I was a horrible brother for kicking her out like that, and agreeing with her saying that my wife was a crybaby and she should suck it up.”
“Of course, I just didn’t listen to it, but my wife came to me and started talking about how I could’ve handled it better and how she got texts from my mother saying the same.”
“She said later the same day that she has happy I protected her. Still don’t know why she said that, but it was probably my mother.”
“This is really for if I should just apologize and get my parents off my a*s.”
OP was left to wonder,
“AITA?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Sister’s behavior was appalling.
“Your sister is absolutely unhinged. Your wife’s trauma doesn’t even play into this. It is baffling beyond comprehension that someone would climb into bed??”
“With someone else??? Without being invited???”
“In the middle of the night?? Half naked????????”
“NTA” ~ evhanne
“Yeah, I don’t have hang-ups about sleeping in someone else’s presence and I’d start screaming too.”
“I really don’t think there’s an innocent explanation for a grown adult crawling into bed with another grown adult who’s said they don’t want her there.” ~ AITAthrowaway1mil
“I’m very, very close to two of my SILs, and if either of them climbed into my bed in their underwear at 3 AM it would scare the sh*t out of me.”
“If I wasn’t close to them, and had trauma on top of it? NOPE NOPE NOPE! Get the f**k out of my house!”
“NTA, OP does your wife have a lock on her door? Does she want one?” ~ BeanBreak
The real issue here.
“You need to talk to your parents and stop letting your sister set the narrative.”
“The separate rooms think is stage dressing. The real core of the issue is that your sister TRIED TO CLIMB INTO YOUR WIFE’S BED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.”
“That’s just f*cking weird.” ~ AliceInWeirdoland
“Yes, this the issue. Your sister IGNORED many options to cross the only boundary you set.”
“She is TA! Parents, too.” ~ Yiayiamary
“Agree – the separate bedrooms thing is irrelevant.”
“Sister was told to stay out of that room. She had several sleeping options to choose from.”
“She deliberately did this to your wife, and now she’s doubling down and using insults.”
“Not only do you not owe her an apology, but this would be low or no contact kind of stuff. NTA” ~ Maximum-Ear1745
“So she creepily snuck into your wife’s bedroom, in her underwear, at 3 am, while your wife was asleep?”
“If this was your brother instead of your sister every single person would be telling you to call the cops.”
“You’re NTA, but I would go no contact with my sister after this.”
“Best case scenario, she was using your wife’s trauma to try and trigger a horrible panic attack because she thought it would be funny?” ~ Foreign_Artist_223
“This is fractally weird behavior.”
“Like, in no possible universe does ‘creep creepily into my SIL’s bedroom in my underwear at 3 am’ make sense, even leaving aside wife’s trauma and clearly stated boundaries.”
“Even if the sister were sleepwalking because all three of the bed options available to her in this particular house were made of nails and broken glass that triggered her sleeper-agent acupuncture points, this would still be epically weird and wholly unacceptable behavior.” ~ Papervolcano
Ulterior motives.
“Your sister did this on purpose to trigger your wife.”
“She removed her clothes and climbed into bed with your wife to make her panic to drive your wife out of the bed that your sister wanted.”
“Your sister wasn’t intending on staying at your house temporarily, or she wouldn’t have been so insistent on having your wife’s bed.”
“Also, block your family on your wife’s phone so they can’t re-traumatize your wife further.” ~ MelodramaticMouse
“It sounds like she did it on purpose. I sleep in my underwear. I have pjs, which I always wear when sharing a bed.”
“The only exception is a partner.”
“There are plenty of people who do the same thing when they need to share beds with friends etc. This sounds like she wanted to trigger your wife.” ~ Abstractteapot
“This smells like the sister deliberately trying to trigger the wife’s PTSD.”
“She went so far out of her way to make her cry. It’s just weird.”
“I cannot fathom going to someone else’s bedroom in the middle of the night unless one is a young child going to mom and dad for comfort after a nightmare.”
“She never even should have had the idea, much less needed to be told no, let alone violate the very firmly stated explicit boundary that had been set by that earlier conversation.”
“She crossed line after line for no discernible reason. Creepy.” ~ SearchApprehensive35
“My bet?”
“Sister and Parents have long complained about how ‘weird’ it is that OP and his wife sleep in separate bedrooms.”
“So Sister goes out of her way to try and PROVE that his wife is faking it or some b*llsh*t.” ~ Ginger_Anarchy
OP’s parents were not spared judgment.
“So ask your parents why your grown sister is going into your wife’s bedroom at 3am in her underwear.”
“STILL a valid question.”
“Don’t back down on this. Forget about being bratty or entitled. It’s just weird for your sister to have done that.” ~ SophisticatedCelery
“The point is to ask your parents the question so they realize how out of line your sister was.”
“‘Why was Sister climbing into Wife’s bed at 3 am wearing only underwear?”‘
“If they zero in on ‘well, sister sleeps in her underwear,’ then reiterate the question without the underwear aspect”
‘”Why was Sister climbing into Wife’s bed at 3am? And why do you think that’s acceptable?”‘
“Just keep repeating the question until they sincerely answer instead of deflecting.” ~ pupperoni42
Rules are rules.
“Nta, one your sister should have never crawled into your wife’s bed. Idc she a guest.”
“There is a guest room, and if she doesn’t like the mattress, she can buy a new one. Two who crawls into bed with someone in their underwear. Especially when it’s not someone you have previously shared a bed with that you knew was comfortable with that.”
“Your sister is a spoiled brat, and your parents enable it. Your sister was yelling at your wife. She deserves to be kicked out. She f**ked around and found out the consequences.”
“I would tell your parents you did exactly what they taught you. There are consequences when you break the rules when you are staying in someone’s house.” ~ lilwildjess
Rules only matter when they are enforced.