Family trauma can cause all sorts of conflicts between people, and nothing brings out the drama quite like a wedding.
A man on Reddit found himself caught in this situation when his sister attempted to invite his estranged mother to his wedding against his wishes.
He kicked her out of the wedding as a result, sparking drama with both her and his fiancé.
He wasn’t sure about how he’d handled it, so he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the username pissedoffolderbro on the site, asked:
“AITA for kicking my sister out of my wedding when she happens to be a bridesmaid for my fiancé?”
He explained:
“Me (26M[ale]) and my fiancé Kenzie (27F[emale]) are getting married this fall. She asked my sister to be a bridesmaid and they have really bonded over it.”
“I don’t speak to my mother and haven’t since 16. Not a word. She does reach out still but I block the number.”
“When I was 13 I came home early from school to find another man in our house.”
“My mom then proceeded to lie about who the dude was and told me not to say anything to my father. I was always closer with my than my mom.”
“She kept buying me things for days and reminding me not to say anything. But I told my dad what I saw. My dad flipped and they got divorced.”
“My mom then decided to live with the guy I saw in our house. Unfortunately she got split custody so I was forced to spend time over there with my sister.”
“Usually just locked myself in my room and only came out to get food. I purposely fought with her boyfriend to force my way to live solely with my dad.”
“My sister got upset at my attitude towards the situation and we had a falling out. Eventually when I was 15 my mom broke down and let me live with my dad full-time.”
“My sister kept a strong relationship with my mom and her BF while I haven’t spoken to my mom since the day she drove me to my dads.”
“She kept reaching out once I was there but I blocked her. Which pissed my sister off more. We didn’t speak after I went away for college.”
“A year ago however she invited me to her wedding and wanted to catch up. Kenzie made me go to the wedding.”
“I’m glad I went tho because we got some things healed. We started getting closer again and now my sister is involved in our lives.”
“But what happened last week is why I kicked her out of the wedding.”
“I learned thru my sisters husband that my sister had a plan to bring my mom as her plus one for the wedding.”
“Her husband is going to be out of town and she thought it would be fine to bring my mom. I asked Kenzie if she knew about this plan and she said she didn’t.”
“But that I should go easy on my sister because she just wants my mom there and my mom is pressuring her. But I flipped.”
“Called my sister and she said I needed to get over what happened. Mom was really was sorry and just wanted to be there on my big day.”
“And was devastated to learn she wasn’t being invited to her only sons wedding. That she thought it would be a ‘fun surprise’ for me.”
“I told her she knew I was estranged from mom and that it was incredibly rude and sneaky what she was gonna do.”
“Since I could no longer trust her she wouldn’t be invited anymore.”
“Kenzie is pissed because I kicked out one of her bridesmaids and thinks I should give my sister another chance.”
“But I never fully trusted my sister after I learned that for years she was feeding my mom info about my life when I specifically said not too.”
“So this was her second time doing shady sh*t. AITA?”
OP then came back to the post to add a bit more context.
“Edit to add: my fiancé talked to me about inviting my mom to the wedding. I caught them texting each other. My mom ranting off some sob story and Kenzie eating it up.”
“So I think Kenzie is fine with her coming and might have even supported my sisters plan. She has been pushing me to talk to my mom for years.”
“She thinks it’s been long enough. But I don’t see value in having scumbags around my life. Once my mom cheated she was basically dead to me.”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And for the most part they were unanimous that OP’s sister was out of line and his fiancé should have been on his side.
“NTA – I’m a wife whose husband does not speak with his mom. She was definitely not invited to our wedding (his decision) and his relationship with her is 100% his own decision and not my business.”
“If I would have invited her or been aware of a plot to have her in attendance he would have been so hurt and betrayed.”
“Your fiancée should have had your back and respected you enough to be no-contact with your mother as well.” –CadySaysWhatever
“Agreed, NTA. I am also a wife whose husband felt forced to invite his 10+ year estranged sister to our wedding by his mom.”
“She just wanted to see her kids together again but I fully supported it being his decision (never even expected to meet the sister.)”
“Even 15 years after our wedding, his sister’s presence is his one regret from that special day.”
“She did not even do anything offensive but he did not enjoy sharing this important life moment and it definitely tainted the day.” –Bryfus
“NTA I too am a wife to a husband who doesn’t have much of a relationship with his bio mom nor his step mother.”
“We discussed the ramifications of inviting his mother to our wedding. Ultimately, he decided he didn’t want her there on our day.”
“I sat next to him and held his hand as he called her and diplomatically let her know. Simple as that.”
“We shouldn’t have invited his stepmother but that’s a different story. The point is, there are certain boundaries that need to be respected, and SUPPORTED, by your partner.” –aliensweare
“NTA”
“I’m the partner with the sh*tty parents. We have a relationship, but it’s strained and I set lots of limits.”
“I can’t imagine my husband undermining this or going behind my back. I’m so sorry your fiance is doing this.”
“I’d have a very serious conversation about this before going through with the wedding.”
“Also, work this sh*t well before you have kids because she will DEFINITELY bring them to see Grandma. ‘BuT ShE’s ThEiR gRaNdMoThEr!'” –BookkeeperGlum6933
“I’m also a wife whose husband is no contact with his mom. She was abusive.”
“And I get so irritated by people telling him he needs to forgive her and move on and let her in his life. That’s a decision only he can make.”
“You don’t have to have a relationship with someone who is sh*tty just because they are/were family” –Only-Sector-951
“I don’t speak to my mother. If my wife ever tried anything like what OP described, I’d be questioning the relationship.”
“My wife supports my decision regarding my mother. And offers understanding when I want to talk about it. But doesn’t try to pressure me or change my mind.”
“My closest friends knew at my wedding that if my mother was spotted, they were to remove her and call the police if necessary.”
“If I had discovered my wife was part of a plot to have my mother show up, I’d at a minimum be delaying the wedding, but likely would’ve walked away.”
“This is not an issue that’s going away. Your estrangement from your mother will be something your sister will likely pressure you on for the rest of your lives.”
“Do you really want your wife doing the same thing? I couldn’t handle being in that kind of relationship and just encourage you to really think hard about what you want your life to be like.” –beardedmoose87
“My husband doesn’t speak to his father (complete no contact, from childhood, at my husband’s decision) or step-mother, or any of that-side’s family.”
“I’m no-contact with my entire biological family (aside from my brother), so we get each other- and ooft, I wish OP had someone who ‘gets it’, even if they don’t have the insight of personal experience.” –CalypsoContinuum
“My brother is no contact with my mom. I don’t know why, I don’t care, not my business.”
“He just got married in April and at no point was I like ‘oh let me tell my mom and spring her on him on what is supposed to be a very happy day for him and his wife’.”
“I didn’t even tell her about the wedding because he specifically asked me not to say anything until after (he said he wasn’t afraid she’d show up and ruin anything, just didn’t want her to know).”
“For his sister to not only try to spring his mom on him the day of but to also think it’s appropriate to share things about his life without permission shows such an insane disrespect for a boundary that someone is setting to protect themselves and their mental health.”
“She should be ashamed of herself.” –hmarie176
Hopefully OP and his fiancé can get past this.