Weddings… reading about everyone’s trials and tribulations, I’m becoming more and more confident that turning down the four marriage proposals I got in my 20s was the best decision for me.
I don’t think I’d have handled this sort of drama well. Or marriage, for that matter. Some people just aren’t built for it—and that’s OK.
While others… oof. Is there a demon like a succubus or incubus that feeds off causing drama and turmoil? That’s my best guess for what fuels some of these wedding preparations.
A brother whose generosity got him sucked into his niece and sister’s wedding insanity turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Ok_Panic_1861 asked:
“AITA for refusing to pay for my niece’s wedding after promising to cover it?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“So, I’m a 35-year-old guy, and I’ve always been close with my older sister, Emily (38, female), and her daughter, Lily (22, female). Emily had Lily when she was young (16), and since she was a single mom for most of it, I’ve always tried to help out where I could.”
“Over the years, I’ve paid for Lily’s summer camps, her college applications, and even her first car. I did this because I love them both and always wanted to support them.”
“A year ago, Lily got engaged to her long-term boyfriend. When they announced the engagement at a family dinner, I said I’d be happy to help with wedding expenses.”
“I never said I’d pay for everything, but apparently, my offer was interpreted as me footing the bill for the whole wedding. It became clear when Lily and Emily started planning a big, extravagant affair—destination wedding, 200+ guests, you name it.”
“I sat them down and said I’d contribute $15,000, which I thought was a pretty generous amount. But they both seemed really upset.”
“Lily said I ‘promised’ to pay for the wedding, and Emily backed her up, saying I ‘always supported them’ and this was the least I could do. Apparently, they were expecting I’d cover a $50,000+ wedding.”
“I told them that wasn’t happening. $15,000 was all I could give.”
“Now, here’s where things get worse. Lily and Emily stopped including me in the wedding planning entirely.”
“I didn’t hear much from them for a while, and it turns out they booked everything for the wedding thinking I’d eventually cave and cover it. Now they’re in over their heads, and the wedding is just three months away.”
“Emily called me, crying, saying they were going to lose deposits and that I ‘ruined’ the wedding by not coming through. Lily isn’t speaking to me.”
“Here’s the kicker: Emily and Lily are now saying I’m being manipulative, offering to help and then taking it away at the last second, making them look bad in front of the groom’s family. They claim they never would’ve planned something so extravagant if I hadn’t promised to cover it all.”
“But I never said that. I said I’d help. I feel like I’ve done more than enough over the years, but now I’m being treated like the villain for not paying for this giant wedding.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I refused to pay everything for my niece’s wedding. I said I would help out, but did not mean for everything.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors unanimously decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“Let’s break the sequence of events down.”
“‘When they announced the engagement at a family dinner, I said I’d be happy to help with wedding expenses. I never said I’d pay for everything, but apparently, my offer was interpreted as me footing the bill for the whole wedding’.”
“They heard what they wanted to hear.”
“‘I didn’t hear much from them for a while, and it turns out they booked everything for the wedding thinking I’d eventually cave and cover it’.”
“They then continue planning huge wedding even though you told them you weren’t paying for everything.”
“‘Now they’re in over their heads, and the wedding is just three months away’.”
“Not your fault. They made those choices, not you.”
“‘Emily and Lily are now saying I’m being manipulative, offering to help and then taking it away at the last second, making them look bad in front of the groom’s family’.”
“Not your problem.”
“‘…now I’m being treated like the villain for not paying for this giant wedding’.”
“That sucks, but you did nothing wrong. NTA.” ~ mdthomas
“They’re the manipulative ones, not OP. I wonder how many times they’ve tried something, and he’s just given in or fallen for it?” ~ peanutandbunnie
“Manipulative and incredibly ungrateful. He paid for summer camp, more than once from the sound of it.”
“He bought her a car! He offered a huge amount for the wedding. My whole wedding was less than $15,000!”
“So much entitlement. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you.”
“No more gifts are going to be forthcoming from OP. Too bad, how sad. NTA.” ~ ParkerBench
“I was thinking how generous he was. 15k is enough for a great wedding, but they planned this nonsense instead on his dime.”
“Sadly he enabled them over the years by being too nice. But they made themselves look bad by being greedy and ungrateful. NTA.” ~ Latter_State
“Not only that, but when will this stop? ‘You’ve always helped us, why can’t you pay the down payment on my house’, ‘You’ve always helped, can you cover my mortgage for the next three months? We got a great deal on a vacation through Europe!’, ‘Can you help us pay for that vacation through Europe? We started in Monaco and the rest of our plans were hinging on us winning it big in the casinos?’ NTA, OP, it’s past time to cut them off.” ~ ICBPeng1
“15k is already a huge amount and they even acknowlege that they wouldn’t have planned a 50k wedding if they’d had to pay for it themselves. NTA.
“Time for the bank of OP to shut up shop I think. He’s already been wildly generous with camps, college and a car. They sound awful, and so entitled.” ~ MyDarlingArmadillo
“The craziest thing is when OP said he’d help with the wedding expenses, even if they interpreted it as ‘pay for the wedding’, they NEVER ONCE asked what his budget was.”
“That’s like if your niece’s laptop broke, and you say ‘I’ll help you out with a new computer’ so they buy a $10,000 super elite gaming rig with 17 monitors and a nuclear coolant tower for cooling purposes. It’s like, nah, that’s not cool.”
“Or like, ‘I’m happy to help with a starter car’ then ‘Here’s the bill for a Rolls Royce Ghost. What, you said you’d pay for a car!’. NTA.” ~ ErikLovemonger
“My extravagant wedding was around $10K, which is under $18K in today’s dollars, including my dress.”
“We had fabulous food (buffet) with open bar wine and beer and an amazing waterfront venue (that was super cheap because it was in a small town funded community center that rented to residents of the town for $500, but to non-residents for A LOT more than that.”
“My wedding day was one of my favorite days ever and I’m old and have been married for almost 25 years!” ~ spiker713
“Mine was like $5,000 and that’s including everything even my dress and makeup/hair. For $15,000, I could have gone all out and still have some left for a honeymoon.” ~ thisbitch420
“My daughter’s venue is $6,000 (includes all the food, open bar, wedding cake, etc…), her gown and veil just under $3,000, and photography and DJ just under $4,000 combined to total $13,000.”
“We’re making her flowers. And she and her soon-to-be husband are very grateful and will enjoy their day!” ~ somebodysmom67
“That $15K could easily have given them a really nice wedding and honeymoon $$ or newlywed $$ or some savings for when the car/fridge/washer and dryer break down.” ~ cakivalue
“NTA. Your Sister and Niece are acting like spoiled children. $15k is a very generous gift for the wedding.”
“AFTER you told them that $15,000 was your gift they went and planned the $50K wedding. How much is your sister and the groom’s family putting towards the wedding?” ~ Comfortable-Sea-2454
“Right! And for a woman who always needed help because she was a single parent, she is sure quick to jump on planning this extravagant wedding on your dime! Who the hell ASSUMES they can spend someone else’s money like that when they’re broke AF? NTA.” ~ Sophema
“OP was THIRTEEN when the bride’s mom got pregnant at 16. He is not even the Older Uncle. He is the Baby Boy Uncle who stepped up to help his older sister once she had a child to care for.”
“Now her 22-year-old daughter is wanting a princess wedding on her uncle’s dime.These folks are not good at reality. NTA.” ~ FireBallXLV
“I am sorry, OP, but they have shown their true colors. You did so much for them, but it seems they only value you as an ATM. NTA and I would not give them anything further going forward.” ~ Jealous_Radish_2728
Despite what his sister and niece tell him, the OP has been extremely generous. Instead of gratitude, they’ve responded with greed.
Sound like it’s time for their money train to come to a halt.