There's a time and a place for everything.
But the middle of someone else's wedding is rarely the right time or the right place to address anything that isn't about the actual wedding. Like, ever.
Just don't do it.
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A woman turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback after her boyfriend decided her friend's wedding was the perfect venue for a relationship review.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—like this post. However there are no official voting acronyms and no final judgment given.
CarelessBuddy8530 asked:
"AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend after he did something weird at my best friend's wedding?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"So, this is a bit of a mess, and I'm honestly torn about whether I did the right thing. Here's the situation:"
"I (27, female) have been with my boyfriend, Mark (29, male), for about three years. We've had our ups and downs, but I thought we were in a really good place."
"Recently, my best friend, Rachel (28, female), got married, and I was her maid-of-honor. It was a huge deal for her, and I was super excited to be by her side."
"The wedding was beautiful, everything went smoothly, and Mark was with me as my plus-one. We were having a great time dancing, laughing, just enjoying the night."
"But then, during the reception, Mark did something completely unexpected. So, Rachel and her new husband were dancing their first dance, and Mark was acting kind of off, which I chalked up to him just being nervous."
"Then, out of nowhere, he pulls me aside and says he wants to 'talk' to me privately. We step out to a quieter area, and he's suddenly telling me that he doesn't feel 'ready for this kind of commitment'."
"Like, we've been talking about getting engaged for a while, and I was under the impression we were on the same page, but now he's telling me that he doesn't think he's ready for marriage right there, at my best friend's wedding."
"I try to stay calm and ask him what he's talking about, and he says it's not just about me, but that he's not sure about the whole 'forever' thing. He's just 'having doubts' in general. This was coming out of nowhere, and I was shocked."
"I told him I needed some space and walked back inside to be with my friends. I honestly just felt embarrassed at that point."
"It wasn't the right time or place for that conversation, and it really put a damper on the night. Later on, I tried to talk to him about it again, but he kind of just brushed it off, saying it wasn't a big deal and that he'd 'sort himself out'."
"Long story short, after thinking about it for a few days, I ended things with him. I told him that if he wasn't sure about us, I couldn't keep putting myself in a situation where I'm always uncertain of where we stand."
"Now, some of my friends are telling me I overreacted, that maybe he just got caught up in the moment or was feeling anxious about the future."
"But I don't know, this felt like a huge red flag for me."
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"It wasn't just the timing, but the fact that he had doubts that he didn't bring up until then."
"So, AITA for ending things after that?"
Some Redditors still weighed in by using the voting acronyms from AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not at fault or not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. He told you to your face... You are not his one person. Believe him and go find someone that needs you as much as you need them."
"The time for personal conversations was on a different day. Not during the wedding." ~ thequiethunter
"Him pulling her out at the wedding to talk about anything besides an emergency is messed up. Sounds like he's a person that makes everything about him."
"The conversation could have waited, but he doesn't care about OP missing parts of the wedding and focusing on that. Reason enough to break up and content of the conversation makes it worse." ~ herroyalsadness
"I stopped taking dates to weddings, instead prefer bringing a friend who just genuinely wants to have fun. Men get SO WEIRD at weddings, it shorts their brain or something?"
"I've been to at least four that were ruined by a boyfriend, totally out of character behavior every time, but a real mask off moment for each."
"The day is never about the guests and carefree nights with friends are precious, should never be wasted on a petty argument." ~ _kismitten
"This makes me think of the wedding I attended as a plus one when I was like 18 years old. My date got kinda weird and didn't want to dance or anything, so I spent the whole wedding dancing with his grandpa!"
"I ended up having a fantastic time, but that was how I learned not to be a wedding date with a guy you aren't serious about." ~ Reflection_Secure
"Honestly, sounds like taking a boyfriend as a date to a wedding is a good test. Better to see the mask off while they're still a boyfriend. Of course, I also get not wanting to have a joyous experience spoiled." ~ SwimmingCoyote
"Yup. He did that to humiliate and wrong foot her. OP is better off without him. He disrespected her by bringing this up at the wedding and while she's having a good time."
"Who does that? An arsehole. That's who. Her hopefully ex-boyfriend is an a**hole and not a minute should be wasted on him." ~ sikonat
"Well, I know my wife and I had a lot of our big relationship conversations at and after weddings we attended… but in our case, it was about how much we wanted to be together and build a life together."
"Weddings will often make you think about your own relationship. If your relationship is good, it will make you think about wanting to get married… if it is bad, it will make you want to break up."
"OP should listen to her partner's wedding freak out and not his backtracking, this relationship is doomed." ~ cortesoft
"Right. Feel the anxiety, go to the bathroom or whatever and take a moment to yourself to process it. Then go back out there and don't ruin the day."
"Have the conversation if you still feel like that the next day or whatever."
"But if it was SO PRESSING that he absolutely didn't want to marry her, that he had to bring it up right f*cking then and there… def not the right person to be with."
"I imagine he's actually thankful for the breakup. He triggered it himself, rather intentionally. NTA." ~ rratmannnn
"Smells like he told her at the wedding so she wouldn't «make a scene». NTA." ~ ferromagnetics
"The media has lied to us about what love looks like. Nobody "needs" another person unless they have codependency issues."
"Find someone that wants you as much as you want them. Someone who knows that they are free to choose anything and still chooses you."
"Someone who is with you not because they feel like they have to be but because they know that both your lives are better when you're together than they would be separately."
"This is what real love looks like!" ~ SeePerspectives
"NTA. Obviously this was something he felt strongly about to pull you aside in the middle of a wedding like that. That would make anybody uncertain of a future with him." ~ lmchatterbox
"I think he's in the room full of people discussing commitment and forever and he's not feeling it. I had an ex-boyfriend who I knew I couldn't marry, like I really couldn't see us getting married."
"He was very wish-washy and he would say he wanted to do this or that and never make any plans or even see how to get there. It was never going to happen. But I wouldn't have told him that at my best friends wedding." ~ ClaudiaTale
"It's sort of like when someone wants to break up with their partner but they have a vacation coming up. Some people will wait until after so as not to 'spoil' the trip, but many would argue that the trip will be retroactively spoiled anyways."
"But basically, no one would say to break up with someone mid-trip. It's just selfish. You made a mistake by not doing this sooner, and now you can't just wait a day to do it at a time and place where the person can be comfortable?
"Dude shouldn't have talked to you at the wedding, but at least now you know. Good riddance." ~ CrazyCalYa
"He did you a favor. You're entering an exciting time in your life, your 30s are going to be a blast."
"Now you can have a chance to find your person. Relationships ALL have their ups and downs, but both people need to be working towards the same general goals. You're not. Your person is out there!" ~ Pretty_Belt3490
Sometimes you just have to follow your instincts so you don't mistake Mr. Right for Mr. Right Now.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.