Content Warning: Late parent, Grieving process
Losing someone you love is incredibly hard, especially if you had a unique bond with them and if they died young.
Some people have to turn everything into a competition, however, and find a way to prove that they are grieving more than everyone else, side-eyed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Warm-Satisfaction227 had just lost her father, who was the important person in the world to her, and it was important to her to be involved in his funeral and to give a eulogy.
Her stepmother, who never really took her in as family, instead expected the Original Poster (OP) to babysitter her troublesome younger stepbrother, which would have effectively removed her from the funeral.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to ‘babysit’ my stepbrother during my dad’s funeral?”
The OP was grieving the death of her father.Â
“I (18 Female) lost my dad three weeks ago. He was my best friend, my safe place, and honestly, the only parent who really got me. My mom and I are… strained, and she divorced him when I was 10.”
“He remarried when I was 13, and his wife, Stacy (40s Female), came with her own son, Adam (9 Male now).”
“To be real, I never bonded with them. Stacy always treated me like a guest in my own dad’s house, and Adam was a spoiled little tornado.”
“My dad tried to make it work, but I mostly avoided going over once I hit 16. We were closer one-on-one anyway.”
The OP’s stepmother made an unbelievable request at the funeral.
“At the funeral, I was wrecked. I’d spent the night before writing a eulogy and crying my eyes out. I was trying to hold it together in black heels and waterproof mascara.”
“Then Stacy pulled me aside literally 15 minutes before the service started and said, ‘Hey, could you just keep an eye on Adam? He’s having a hard time, and I want to be able to focus on greeting people.'”
“I thought she was joking. But no. She wanted me, the daughter of the dead man, to babysit her son so she could socialize like it was some brunch event.”
“I said no. I said it politely at first, and then more firmly when she pushed the issue.”
“If it had been some quick thing, like staying with him while she ran to the car for something, that would be fine. But expecting me to basically babysit him at my own dad’s funeral? No.”
The OP lashed out at her stepmother.
“She got huffy and whispered, ‘You know, you’re not the only one who lost someone.'”
“I snapped. I said, ‘You lost a husband of five years. I lost the man who raised me my entire life. You do the math.'”
“She gasped like I slapped her and stormed off.”
“Later, at the reception, she told my mom and other relatives what I said, and now half the family is calling me ‘selfish’ and ‘immature.'”
“My aunt even said I ‘traumatized Adam,’ because apparently, he overheard us and cried. I feel bad for the kid, I do, but I was grieving too. I also didn’t say anything to him or anything mean about him; he just overheard me say that I was grieving. That’s not a traumatic moment; that’s just existing around emotions.”
“I didn’t think it was my job to parent her child when I was barely keeping it together myself.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that there was a whole family there to help with Adam that day.
“You’re not the a**hole. There were aunts and uncles there, too. When we were kids, we pretty much grouped up with cousins at funerals. It would be different if she asked you to watch him while she went to the bathroom or something, or maybe even if there were a group deciding to take shifts.”
“Saying watch him while I am at the greeting line for two hours, no, that’s unreasonable. You deserve to be in that line, too. She should have had a sitter for him if that much of a pain in the a**.” – Select_Insect_4450
“She should have gotten a sitter, like you said. Some people have no decorum. This is just my opinion, but children who aren’t well-behaved, or are too young to know what’s going on, shouldn’t be exposed to funerals.” – squattybody1988
“Funerals are already emotionally exhausting, and expecting someone to babysit for two hours without prior discussion is unfair.”
“It’s one thing to take a quick turn or help out for a moment, but full-on responsibility should have been planned ahead of time. If she knew she’d be tied up that long, arranging a sitter or another solution would have been the responsible choice.” – Ariaxx1
“Definitely NTA. You were dealing with your own grief, and it’s not your responsibility to babysit someone else’s child, especially during a funeral.”
“Stacy should have found someone else to watch her son or attended to him herself. And anyone who thinks you’re selfish for saying no clearly has not experienced the loss of a parent. Sending you virtual hugs.” – x_anxiousgirl
“Why would a nine-year-old, in a crowd of relatives, need a babysitter? And why couldn’t one of his grandparents watch him? Was he going to play with matches or run into traffic?”
“All the relatives piling on with their unsolicited advice (at least from you) is utterly inappropriate. You are grieving deeply, and anything else is too much.”
“OP, you are right. It will take a year before you feel like you’re not underwater or have a big towel wrapped around your head. The first 18 months after my husband died, I tripped and fell so many times, I lost count. I broke three toes and two bones in my hand, all in separate falls, all because I didn’t look down to see the curb, hose, rock, box, or whatever was in front of me.”
“Don’t let one single person tell you how to grieve and truly be a survivor. You never ‘get over it.’ You become OP, who lost her dad in 2025, but carries on because that’s what we all do eventually.”
“May your beloved father rest in peace, and may you live in peace.” – OkExternal7904
Others agreed and found the request to be incredibly disrespectful.Â
“Wow. The request was incredibly disrespectful. It was either thoughtless or intended to minimize or demean you. It gave no respect to your grief and offered no support. Ick.”
“You’re not an AH for that response, especially considering the circumstances. So sorry for your loss.” – Prize_Maximum_8815
“NTA. That’s your father. That is the person who brought you into this world. If you have any day that no one should ask you for a thing, it’s that day. May he rest in paradise and keep watching over you. Sleep making him proud.” – Jealous-Ad-8100
“Was she asking anyone to look after you? What a rotten way to treat someone. She’s acting like SHE is the only one who lost someone! Sorry OP…”
“As a gal who was also a child of divorce who also lost her dad young, I feel for you and am sending all the strength. Hope you have someone who can be your rock while you grieve, I turned to friends.” – Resident-Rhubarb8372
“OP, I hope one day you will realise how much strength you have in you. The way you stood up for yourself was perfect. Don’t let anybody make you doubt that.”
“Concentrate on the healing. You hopefully never have to see your stepmother again. NTA.” – SuperCulture9114
“I hope your mother had your back. You did nothing wrong. No is a complete sentence. Adam is not your responsibility.”
“Sorry for your loss. Take things one day at a time. Surround yourself with friends and family for support. Keep things to nibble on. The first few days, I forgot to eat. It was so painful.”
“It does get better. NTA.” – tigerofjiangdong1337
“Abso-f**kin-lutely NOT the a**hole. This p**ses me off for you. I am so sorry for the loss of your father. It’s times like these that I wish I had the ability to come to aid someone like you who needs a person in their corner.” – squattybody1988
“Your stepmom seems to be a self-centered b***h; she never really put out any effort to make you feel like family but somehow thinks you are gonna prioritize her son for her own good the day of your dad’s funeral? Yeah ,she is completely delusional if that’s the case.”
“She treated you like your dad’s second family when you were there before you reciprocated her energy.”
“Another thing I picked on is your aunt saying you traumatized Adam; tell her to f**k off, don’t even think that she is right; the kid won’t even remember anything tomorrow and probably wasn’t even crying because of you. She made that up 100 percent.”
“I’m sorry for you because it seems they are prioritizing him over you when you are the only one actually suffering because you understand what’s going on while he probably don’t even know why he is there seeing how young he is, but don’t hesitate to tell them specifically this, you will see how ashamed they will be!”
“My condolences, and take care of you!” – Tall_Hospital1071
The subReddit ached on behalf of the OP’s loss and how she had been treated at her own father’s funeral. At a funeral among family, a babysitter is hardly even necessary, but to expect the daughter of the late husband to babysit and basically be pulled away from the ceremony for that unnecessary responsibility was incredibly cruel.