It is perfectly normal to want a child free wedding. But, 18-year-olds are not actually children.
It is also rude to specifically single out your nephew by forbidding them to come to your wedding.
This Redditor encountered this very issue with her sister. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for making a reservation to go to the national park the same day my sister’s getting married on?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’ll just start by saying that I’m a foster mother, I have a disabled 18 year old son who my husband and I adopted when he was 4.”
“His biological parents aren’t in the picture. My husband and I are his primary caregivers. We love him, he’s the light of our life, we give him all the care and appreciation he deserves since he’s always felt a unfortunate hand in life.”
“He became wheelchair bound at 16 years of age. Nothing through his fault because it was an accident and the drunk driver was responsible for it.”
“My family love my son and always made him feel like he’s one of their own. So far we’ve had no issues til my sister sent me an invitation for her wedding on October 29th.”
“The invitation didn’t include my son in fact it stated my son can not attend since the wedding is child free. I was shocked but mostly upset. I called her to ask if she was serious by claiming my son is a child.”
“She apologized saying due to his health and slow growth she’s worried the guests would see him and assume he’s 15 at max. I said that was illogical and asked if she wanted me to bring identification to proof to her guests that my son is a legal adult.”
OP’s sister insisted that wasn’t the point.
“She swore it wasn’t about my son and went in about how much she adores him but she didn’t want to deal with angry guests assuming she’s favoring her family by letting kids attend.”
“She said I shouldn’t take this personal because my brother’s daughter who’s 5 isn’t allowed but she’s 5 and my son is 18!”
“I said I was sorry but couldn’t help but feel she was looking for excuses to exclude him. I ended the conversation spoke to my son and he cried.”
“I talked to my husband and decided we won’t attend the wedding and instead made reservation to go to the national park and have a tour there together as a family the day my sister’s wedding on.”
“My sister found out and was shocked she and my mother said I can’t do that and not come to the wedding just because I was asked to respect the rules.”
“I said I was respecting the rules by not attending altogether instead of bringing my son. Mom said it was petty of me to do that and told me to cancel the reservation and come with my husband to the wedding but I declined.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. Sorry to be that guy, but your sister doesn’t want your disabled son at the wedding and it has nothing to do with it being a child free wedding…” ~ merlin242
“I agree. Sister is weirdly concerned about her nephew looking under 18 pissing off the guests? It’s her wedding, who she invites is not their business. If she wanted him to be there, then she wouldn’t care about anyone else’s reaction.” ~ Cheddarbaybiskits
“I’m just waiting for the update post where it became a child friendly wedding now that they RSVP’d ‘no.'” ~ Oshootman
“Tbh thats probably not gonna happen. What the sister did was horrible! Excluding him because of his disability and even if they made it ‘child friendly’ for him to ‘be able to attend’ if I were OP I still wouldn’t go.”
“She showed her true colors and her son wont forget how her sister treated him in that moment, how discriminated against and singled out he felt.”
“I wouldn’t subject him to someone who he now actively knows thinks of him as a lesser or a child for his disability(s).”
“OP better steel herself for angry family members and others coming at her for missing the wedding tho.”
“I’m just saying this if her sis and mom (and others) start taking it really out of control, blast OP on social media or cross serious lines buttttt…”
“OP could always post the invitation citing how even though her son is an adult she wants to exclude him because of his disability instead of treating him as an adult and not as a child. (Bonus if OP is able to show that her sister compared her 18 year old son to a 4/5 year old to show how disgusting her sisters ideology is).”
“But OP should talk to her son about it too as this also concerns him and he may want to take a different route from whatever happens but be there to support him 100%. Say while she is your sister, he is your son.” ~ TheoryAddict
OP needs to prioritize their son.
“Yep. She wants all the attention. And she doesn’t want op’s son there as a ‘distraction and taking the spotlight away from me on my day!’ Which is such BS.” ~ Negative_Shake1478
“We had a child free wedding ourselves and a family friend in a wheelchair who has suffered from MS most of my life. This is wholly a wheelchair being distracting and not a child thing. We just opted for child free so people could enjoy some adult time with drinks without chasing kids around. Mind you, we didn’t do a huge bash just a nice dinner with a buffet/open bar and that was our reception. We got married in a courthouse separately.” ~ themarshmallowdiva
“I didn’t go to a friend’s child-free wedding once because my baby was only 4 months old and would never take a bottle. The wedding was an hour and a half away so I couldn’t just nurse before I left and run home after in time for the next feed and I wasn’t going to take my husband and make him wait in the car or something. The bride was really annoyed with me.”
“I felt pretty guilty at first. Then I saw all the social media posts of a bunch of kids dancing around. I don’t know if she only let family’s kids go or what but it felt like a slap in the face.” ~ TheVirtueLawson
OP’s sister needs to really figure out her reasons.