When our loved ones need help, that might mean canceling something that’s important to us.
Take this guy on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, for example, when he got into an argument with his sister over a scheduling conflict.
Redditor Gleekin didn’t want to miss out on his prior plans, so he made a suggestion to his sister that he thought would work for everyone.
But after having a big fight, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was in the wrong.
“AITA for not wanting to drive my sister back home after her surgery?”
The OP had a scheduling conflict when his sister needed him to pick her up.
“So after her surgery, she’ll be drowsy from the anesthesia, and she asked me if I could drive her back home.”
“On the day she has her surgery scheduled, is the exact day I have my online counterstrike tournament scheduled.”
“I asked her if she could take an uber and offered to pay it for her, but she refused and said she is worried about getting into a stranger’s car while in a state where she is like half-asleep and doesn’t want to pass out or something and become vulnerable.”
“I essentially told her that nobody will do that to her and her Uber driver isn’t going to try to touch her.”
The OP’s family had mixed reactions to his plan.
“When she asked why I cannot do it and I told her about my online matches with Counterstrike, she got mad at me and now isn’t speaking to me.”
“Anyways, yah, not speaking to me now and when I told my mom, she got mad at me too.”
“My dad is also a gamer, so he understands and doesn’t get why she cannot just take the uber like I offered…”
“So I’m here asking if I’m TA or if she is overreacting over nothing.”
Redditors weighed in on the OP’s situation by voting:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Many Redditors urged the OP to reconsider, since public transportation is statistically less safe for women, let alone where anesthesia is involved.
“YTA – sister is more important than Counterstrike.”
“[Also,] expecting someone to Uber while coming off anesthesia is ridiculous and shameful of both you and your father” – OilSeeYouL8ter
“This was the right idea. Uber was not a safe or appropriate choice for anyone, but especially women, coming out of anesthesia.”
“Generally, if multiple women are telling a man (dad) that something isn’t safe for the woman to do alone, the man should listen and not tell them it is safe based on the man’s own experience.”
“Men and women experience the world very differently in terms of personal safety and when they are at risk.”
“The scheduling conflict sucks and I would have hoped a friend or another relative was free to drive her.”
“For all the non-gamers, the equivalent would be a basketball tournament (a small number of players team sport) that your team probably had to qualify to get in to. Not usually a small event and an absence always impacts the rest of the team.” – _Julanna
“I’m about to go in for day surgery (f**k wisdom teeth) and as part of the hospital admissions, I had to fill out the name and contact info of the person who will be driving me home.”
“It specifically stated I couldn’t take a taxi/public transport/ walk. Have to be escorted by a responsible adult and can’t be alone overnight until I’m recovered from anesthesia.”
“Cause safety.” – Dinosaursdeservelove
“Not to mention, a reputable doctor and clinic won’t release you to an Uber. They work with specific companies for things like elderly living in care homes, but otherwise, you need a driver and contact to sign you out. Yes, YTA” – Itsjust4comments
“YTA. You should NEVER go anywhere with a stranger under the influence of anesthesia.”
“Let me paint you a picture of what I was like right after my surgery.”
“First, I started sobbing because I wanted my plush bear. Then, they wheelchaired me to the car. I couldn’t walk obviously.”
“In the car, I was in and out of consciousness. I could hardly keep my eyes open. I kept screaming and crying that I wanted Chick Fil A.”
“I then passed out, and woke up at home on my couch.”
“See how dangerous that would be for your sister?” – ObamaGuava
“When I got the surgery I wasn’t allowed to use rideshare and a person physically had to come get me. I was in the hospital for four days and still wasn’t allowed.”
“Due to the surgery I was on good pain meds and it’s actually in our paperwork that we have to have a person come get us up that isn’t a rideshare.”
“We weren’t even allowed to use the train! (Train was at the hospital like 2 feet from the entrance)”
“You could really get hurt if you use rideshare from surgeries.”
“So YTA OP. Sorry I’m glad you did the right thing but YTA for even giving a thought of putting a video game tourney over family recovering from surgery.” – Alyssa_Hargreaves
A few also reassured the OP that his team would understand if they’re his real friends.
“If they’re upset with you for that reason, maybe you could reconsider them.” – freehand1980
“Seriously. If your friends drop you for helping your sister after surgery, they’re not your friends. Even if they’re fun to play games with.”
“A lot of dude relationships seem to center on shared activities, rather than being based on genuinely caring about the other person/people in the relationship to the extent where their actions/behavior, even when terrible and toxic, are not considered ‘good reasons’ not to be friends – it would ruin the game, right?”
“Whereas some of us find the game ruined if the people we’re playing with are awful people.” – merramac
“I truly hope you don’t get kicked off the team either but if you do then it’s better not to be around a team that doesn’t value your family life at all” – OilSeeYouL8ter
After receiving a lot of feedback, the OP updated his post:
“Just wanted to write an update that I now understand the dangers of letting her take the Uber.”
“I was completely oblivious to how common it is for women to be groped or assaulted by Uber or taxi drivers, and especially being in a nearly unconscious state, making her vulnerable to a possible creep, which is something I didn’t consider that she could lose consciousness even after the surgery.”
“I’ve decided to cancel my match and be there for my sister instead as the right thing for a brother to do.”
It might be frustrating for the OP to cancel his tournament, but he’ll probably look back on this and be grateful knowing his sister was safe after her surgery. There will always be more tournaments.