Some people love all human babies, finding them all adorable. Other people, not so much.
For those people, there are ugly babies in the world. Baby lovers don’t understand this and can’t see it.
Of course, telling a baby, or anyone around them, that they’re an ugly baby is rude. But what if they still find out?
Are apologies needed? Does it depend on how they found out.
A sibling whose sister has an ugly baby turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no official voting acronyms and no final judgment given.
Uglybaby101 asked:
“AITAH for ‘saying’ that my sister’s baby is ugly?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“So my sister (28, female) and I (24, female) are currently living with our parents. She just recently had a baby with her boyfriend (27, male).”
“I (secretly) think that the baby is the most hideous thing that I’ve ever seen. It looks like an unholy union between Churchill, Putin, a monkey, and a potato.”
“I also can’t lie to save my life, so whenever I’m in a social situation where I’m expected to fawn over the baby, I say that it looks just like my sister.”
“Note that these are thoughts and not words that I would ever say out loud. I did, however, write these thoughts down in my DIARY.”
“Unfortunately, my family in general has no concept of privacy or respect for personal boundaries. If I leave my laptop unattended and unlocked, they will absolutely snoop.”
“Our parents replaced the lockable doorknobs to our rooms with unlockable ones. I’ve caught my mom red handed reading a former diary of mine that I’d previously thrown in the dumpster of our then apartment complex.”
“I burn my old journals out of necessity, and my current one has a very strong lock and is kept hidden.”
“Yes, I’ve explained countless times how much it hurts me when they snoop. No, they don’t care; they think that I’m being silly and are generally dismissive.”
“I made the mistake of leaving my diary unattended and unlocked to use the restroom last week. My sister walked into my room without permission ‘to borrow scissors’, spotted my diary, and promptly started reading.”
“Upon reading my entry on my thoughts about her baby, she blew up. My sister is hurt and furious that I think that her baby is ugly.”
“She called me a b*tch and a mean girl and won’t speak to me. She also thinks that I was giving her a backhanded compliment when I compared her to her baby.”
“My parents are demanding that I apologize to her.”
“I don’t feel sorry at all. Yeah, saying that baby isn’t cute is socially unacceptable, but those were my thoughts, not my actions or words, and you don’t pry into someone’s INNERMOST THOUGHTS and not expect to hear some things that were better left unsaid.”
“If anything, she should be apologizing to ME for violating my privacy, though she wouldn’t be caught dead doing it.”
“AITA?”
The OP later added:
“This has come up a few times, so the reason why I live at home is due to the economy/financial savings. My parents don’t charge rent (so long as you aren’t unemployed or not in school), utility bills, groceries, and I can get the family plan for insurance.”
“It’s definitely a poisoned chalice, but it would take me ~9 years to save up for a downpayment living by myself vs just 3 years at home.”
“What’s tolerable (not acceptable) is also different to people who have dysfunctional parents (though that’s irrelevant to this story).”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not in the wrong (NTA).
“NTA. Some babies are just ugly.”
“Plus your family members are a**holes for reading your diary without permission.” ~ Impossible-Baker8067
“Tell her that if she wants your honest opinion you’ll give it to her, she doesn’t need to snoop in your diary to find out. It’s the most outrageous breach of trust to read someone else’s journal.”
“I always tell people if they need to journal, do it online with a password and 2FA protection.”
“My mother kept a journal all her life. None of us ever snooped. When she died, Dad insisted we burned them unread, and I agreed.”
“There were probably lovely things in there, but almost certainly horrors as well. Both of us agreed that if she had wanted her private thoughts known, she’d have let us read them.”
“And yes, most babies are a potato crossed with Churchill. They do grow out of that stage, but as you did we all go ‘what a cute baby’ and think ‘Damn, that’s one ugly a** baby’.” ~ Adelucas
“You did not go and tell her this. She invaded your privacy. Your sister is an AH. People have free will and thoughts.” ~ OkCharity3133
“NTA. Pretty much all babies look like Lyndon Johnson. Honestly, I would just laugh in your sister’s face and tell her she got what she deserved for snooping.” ~ EddieSevenson
“NTA. Tell her, ‘I’m sorry you didn’t like what you read in my diary. However I would appreciate it if you’d leave my private journal alone so I don’t have to censor my PRIVATE THOUGHTS in case someone might snoop. Thank you’.”
“That is the only apology that they would hear from me. If you don’t want to piss them off even more, you should rethink that, but for me the only one in need of receiving an apology is you.”
“I would be so pissed about that whole situation. Your journal is absolutely none of their business and if she didn’t like what she read there, it’s her own fault. And some babies are just ugly.” ~ Nicknamewastoolong
“All newborns look weird af when they’re born and I learned in the hospital a lot of medical staff fib to parents about their baby being cute.”
“When I had my daughter, so many medical staff would go ‘aww cute!’ Then they’d look at me and go ‘but like, actually cute’ in this very conspiratorial way.
“NTA. Also D*ck move on her part nosing into your private sh*t.” ~ Curious-Scholar4692
“Old saying: Ugly at cradle, pretty at table. I was so ugly as a newborn that my mother cried to my dad that he wouldn’t love me because I was so ugly.”
“Lots of babies are ugly. Tell your family, ‘Don’t snoop if you don’t want to be offended’. NTA.” ~ Maorine
“NTA. Tell them, ‘no, I’m not going to apologize for saying it, because I did not say it. I wrote that down in my private diary. Where sister snooped without permission. If she doesn’t like my private thoughts, then she shouldn’t have looked in my diary! I have nothing to apologize for, as she was the one who violated my space. She got what she got, maybe she will think twice before reading diaries in the future’.” ~ kkfluff
“NTA. I have always said, ‘those who eavesdrop on others’ conversations. Deserve to hear bad things about themselves’.”
“This also applies to those who snoop and others’ journals. They deserve to read bad things about themselves.”
“Don’t apologize. Remind sister that she snooped on purpose. A decent person would’ve ignored an open journal or laptop. And she is obviously not a decent person and a terrible sister to violate your privacy.” ~ Cali_Holly
“Aren’t all babies kinda ugly? Like poop scented potatoes.” ~ NarwhalTakeover
“Is it too late to say you put that in there on purpose to test whether she’d snoop and what do you know, it worked? I’d rather do that than apologize to her for something she did wrong.” ~ SnooPets8873
“My baby came out looking absolutely adorable, and the nurses were losing their sh*t because genuinely cute newborns are so rare. My nephew came out looking like an angry potato hit with a shovel.”
“My niece looked like a pig and a monkey had some seriously hateful sex. Not every baby is beautiful. They get cuter with age.”
“Beyond all of that, your family sounds exhausting and toxic. If you have the ability to, I’d strongly encourage you to distance yourself for a bit. Maybe move out. NTA.” ~ MochiPryncess
“NTA. But if I lived in a place like that, I wouldn’t even write a journal at all and keep my thoughts locked away in the only place no one can snoop: my head.”
“Such violation of privacy isn’t normal. I hope you can move out soon because, honestly, you’re an adult woman. You have a right to want some privacy. Such terrible people to live with…”
“By the way, you actually had me laughing with your description of the baby. Even if you were my sister and it would be my baby I wouldn’t even feel offended about that description, everyone knows not every baby is pretty.” ~ TitleKind3932
“I’d apologize, telling her, ‘I’m sorry you just found out your baby is ugly. I honestly thought you knew since everyone has been saying it since they were born’.” ~ MohawMais
Invading someone’s private thoughts is a dangerous place for a person’s ego to go. If they’re unprepared for what they might find, they probably shouldn’t go there.