When people have big news, they want to share it with the people they love.
But what if more than one person has news to share? Is it OK for everyone to share their news at the same family event?
A woman was left wondering that after her sister got upset with her for making an announcement after hers. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
PixieDustWink asked:
“AITA: Am I the Asshole for Upstaging My Sister’s Wedding Announcement with My Adoption News?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I have been in the process of adopting a child for the past two years. It’s been an emotional roller coaster, and only a handful of close family and friends knew about it because I didn’t want to jinx it until everything was final.”
“My older sister, let’s call her Emma, got engaged around the same time I started the adoption process.”
“Our family has been thrilled, planning for her big day next summer.”
“Emma’s always been the type to love attention, but I’ve been supportive and helped with preparations whenever I could.”
“This past weekend, I received the final confirmation: the adoption had gone through, and I was officially going to be a mom. Overjoyed, I wanted to tell my family in person, so I thought our regular Sunday family dinner at our parents’ house would be perfect.”
“Well, as it turns out, Emma had a similar idea. She planned to announce her wedding venue and date at the same dinner without telling anyone.”
“The dinner started, and everyone was in good spirits. Before I could share my news, Emma stood up, clinking her glass for attention, and beamed as she revealed her wedding plans.”
“Our family burst into excited chatter, and in that moment, I felt like my news could wait until later in the evening, or even another day.”
“But then, my mom, who was one of the few who knew about the adoption, gave me a knowing look and mouthed, ‘Now’s the perfect time!’.”
“Caught up in the emotion and encouraged by my mom’s enthusiasm, I stood up and announced, “And I have some news too—I’m going to be a mom! The adoption is final!”
“The room erupted.”
“Half the family rushed towards me, showering me with congratulations. But when I looked at Emma, her face had fallen. She excused herself from the table and didn’t return for the rest of the evening.”
“After the dinner, my parents and several relatives said that while they were happy for me, I should have waited and not ‘stolen Emma’s thunder’.?”
“Emma texted me saying I was an a**hole for upstaging her on purpose and that I could have chosen any other day to announce my news.”
“My intention wasn’t to overshadow her announcement, and now I feel torn up about it. Emma and I haven’t spoken since, and the family is divided on whether I was insensitive or if it was just an unfortunate coincidence.”
“So, Reddit, am I the a**hole for sharing my adoption news on the same night as my sister’s wedding venue announcement?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I believe I might be the a**hole because I chose to announce my successful adoption at the family dinner where my sister had planned to reveal her wedding venue and date.”
“Even though it wasn’t premeditated, I shared my news immediately after hers, which divided the family’s attention and made some relatives accuse me of trying to upstage her on what was supposed to be her special moment.”
“My actions directly affected my sister, leading to her feeling overshadowed and upset during a time that was meant to be dedicated to her and her fiancé.”
“Emma’s accusation and her hurt feelings have caused me to think that perhaps my timing was insensitive, and I should have waited for a more appropriate moment to announce my own good news.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The vast majority of Redditors felt the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA – First off, congratulations on your adoption going through, that’s amazing news.”
“Good grief though, your sister is an adult, right? Venue reveal? Seriously? The only response to someone telling you the venue for a wedding is ‘oh that sounds nice’.”
“It’s not something to ‘celebrate’ or go huffy over if someone else has even better news. It’s barely even news!”
“And your parents are being as ridiculous as your sister. She’s not a child—although throwing a temper tantrum over this does make you wonder—and indulging her over this makes them as silly as she is.”
“Wedding culture has been an out of control monster for a long time with the most idiotic behaviour being excused because ‘she’s a bride,’ but I think your sister has managed to find a new low and your family are utter clowns for indulging her in this nonsense.” ~ history_buff_9971
“NTA. It’s not like you announced it at her wedding—she doesn’t have monopoly over what family news is allowed to be shared at family dinners.”
“People who think everything related to their choosing to get married is more important than everything else in others’ lives sh*t me to tears.” ~ plastic_venus
“NTA. She didn’t announce her engagement, she announced the venue and date. Given that everyone knew she is getting married next summer, that’s only a little more thunderous than announcing what’s she’s picked for the entrée.”
“And a family dinner is low key enough that sharing good news isn’t like you announcing it at her engagement party or shower.”
“What’s up with your mom though, urging you to share the news than scolding you for doing do?” ~ mocktailqueen
“NTA—I hate the false equivalency here. Becoming a mom and setting a date (for a wedding everyone knows is coming) are not equal announcements.”
“Your sister should have been happy for you….because this is huge. Congratulations.” ~ Remarkable_Buyer4625
A small group did think the OP was wrong (YTA) to steal their sister’s thunder.
“Yes. YTA. You knew it was wrong which is why you hesitated. You’re no less the AH if someone else talked you into it.”
“Your mom is the ultimate AH if she later criticized you for your timing.” ~ rchart1010
“YTA, but a very minor one.”
“Everyone is getting hung up on the venue/date not being a big deal (and it isn’t), but to Emma it was. To announce anything that is important to you and then have someone instantly chime in with much bigger news absolutely sucks.”
“It doesn’t matter if Emma was announcing that she found a nickel in her pocket, having something you are excited about sharing and then being one upped before the chatter even died down has to feel like a punch to the gut.” ~ Fall-Z
“YTA – It’s honestly weird to have a big announcement for a wedding venue, but it was clearly important to her.”
“You could have announced it at the next regular dinner OR pulled your sister aside to tell her and ask if she minded sharing the spotlight.”
“I can almost guarantee she would have been fine with it if she hadn’t felt blindsided.” ~ FlaxFox
However many felt there was no “thunder” to steal from a date and venue reveal.
“NTA. A venue reveal isn’t a thing. It doesn’t need a full on announcement beyond being on the invitation.”
“I’m afraid I don’t think I’d be able to take it seriously if someone did a venue announcement. That’s full on princess behaviour.” ~ Top_Barnacle9669
“Next up cake reveal, dress and makeup reveal, dinner menu reveal, shoes reveal, color theme reveal, itinerary reveal, table decoration reveal, guest signing book reveal….” ~ whatproblems
“‘Everybody listen up!’ *clink-clink-clink* ‘I just found the perfect napkins for my reception!’.” ~ Sweetsmyle
“Your mum’s the Arsehole. She’s backtracked and dumped you in the sh*t.”
“I can understand getting caught up in the excitement. Besides it’s not like she’s announcing the engagement. It’s just a where and when.”
“Since when is that a big fanfare. She’s an arse too for expecting everyone to fawn over every minute detail of her wedding.”
“Not everything needs an announcement. That’s going to get very boring.” ~ CarefulNow-
“Are you kidding me with this immature bs? She’s upset because you ‘upstaged’ her venue reveal‽‽”
“I was prepared to call YTA from the title, thinking your sister had announced her engagement, but absolutely NTA. She’s already had all the attention when she got engaged, she can’t dominate every family meal going forward with wedding talk and expect everyone else’s big important news to fall to the wayside.”
“She sounds horrendous and entitled and your family are wrong to support this behaviour.”
“Congratulations on your amazing adoption news, I’m sorry your sister and family have put a damper on your excitement.” ~ Ehlana494
With a few laying the sarcasm on thick about the importance of the venue reveal.
“I can’t believe you had the audacity to announce your impending parenthood at the same dinner as your sister’s Venue Reveal. Do you not understand the gravity of what she’s been robbed of?”
“A bride dreams of her Venue Reveal from childhood. She plans it all out, every word, every gesture, every single moment. It all has to go perfectly.”
“She will play it over and over in her mind, adjusting and altering each and every detail until it’s just right. She will stay up nights, sleepless with anticipation, as she approaches it, her Big Day, the Venue Reveal.”
“She imagines the nervous energy crackling through the room. Everyone knows something is happening. They can feel it. The soft murmurs of inquiry will fade to silence as she stands, taps her glass daintily, and gives them a knowing smile.”
“She will watch the disbelief, the wonder, spread across the faces of her loved ones as they realize that this is it. Today’s the day.”
“The air is thick with anticipation. Someone grips the hand of the person next to them, an attempt to steady themselves because she’s going to say it. She has to say it.”
“‘The Leidertafel Lodge #184 on Plattsburg. We got it, guys! We got it!’.”
“And cheers will erupt from her family as they weep with joy and embrace this lucky, blessed, incredible woman. They will think, ‘Doesn’t she deserve this? Hasn’t she earned this?’.”
“And she has. She really has.”
“There will never be another day of celebration like this. There will never be another time when all the love is focused on her. She will only get one perfect day.”
“The Venue Reveal.”
“Nah, just kidding. NTA.” ~ Xtrasloppy
The OP provided an update.
“First and foremost, I am genuinely moved and grateful for the congratulations and support regarding my adoption news. The journey to parenthood has been a deeply personal and transformative experience, and to have it recognized so warmly means the world to me.”
“I read through each comment and felt a swell of appreciation for the candid perspectives shared. It’s clear that the dialogue here isn’t just about assessing who might be wrong or right, but about understanding the complexities of family dynamics and the weight of personal milestones.”
“To those who expressed that my sister’s reaction and my family’s indulgence may be excessive, I understand where you’re coming from. Modern wedding culture can indeed seem overwhelming at times, and the expectation for each event to be grand can detract from what truly matters—the love and union of two individuals.”
“However, I also recognize that for my sister, her wedding preparations are a major life event, and I can empathize with her desire to have a moment in the spotlight for her venue reveal, no matter how grand or modest it may be.”
“While the news of my adoption is a joyous occasion, I could have chosen a different moment to share it, allowing her the full attention for her announcement that she had hoped for.”
“Commenters who highlighted the backtracking of our mother and the challenges this has posed, your points are well taken. It’s been a learning moment for me about the importance of clear communication and respecting the boundaries of each family member’s special life events.”
“I want to extend a heartfelt thank you to everyone who contributed their opinion with such passion and honesty. Your engagement with my story has offered me new perspectives and taught me the importance of timing and sensitivity in sharing my own happiness, especially in the context of another’s special moment.”
“In the spirit of family and unity, I am reaching out to my sister to apologize for any hurt I may have caused. My intention was never to overshadow her; rather, it was an overflow of excitement that I now see could have waited for a more appropriate time.”
“Family is about love, support, and understanding. The love I’ve seen here, even amidst differing opinions, has reminded me of the beauty of that bond.”
“Thank you all once again for your support and for providing a space where we can learn from each other.”
Hopefully the OP can mend fences with her sister and her critics as there will be a lot of major family milestones coming up.
It would be a shame not to share them with everyone over one misunderstanding.