There's a really fine line between joking around and being a jerk when those jokes involve mocking each other.
I won't say people can never mock each—my Sisters and I poke fun at each other all the time. But we're siblings with a bond we don't share with anyone else.
If an outsider tried making the same jokes, they'd have three angry women to contend with. It's all about the relationship between the people.
A person who felt insjlted rather than amused by a friend's jabs turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Fit-Cress4507 asked:
"AITA for telling my friend that most women would not marry him & mocking his minimum-wage job?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I am a short guy, around 5'4 to 5'5. In my thirties. My friend Ian is around 6'1."
"I'd met him some time back at an event & although he's really good-looking, he works as a waiter at a restaurant. On the other hand I make quite a lot to put it mildly."
"Ian has a girlfriend, Julia. We were hanging out at his place yesterday along with some of his other friends."
"I am a teetotaler & absolutely loathe alcohol, but the others were getting drunk and began to make 'jokes'. One of the jokes was about how short I was, and am still single."
"Ian said 'Dude, I am not surprised that you are still single, you are really short and most women would pass on you immediately'. The others laughed, including Julia."
"I was momentarily startled, but then snapped 'At least I don't struggle to make ends meet and work a minimum-wage job'. I added 'Most women won't consider you marriage material, by the way'."
Ian got extremely mad & began to argue with me, and so did the others. We had a huge verbal sparring. I asked them to f**k off & in the end left the place."
"AITA?"
The OP summed up their situation.
"Perhaps I shouldn't have mocked the fact that he's poor which puts me in the wrong here."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The majority of Redditors voted the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. Drunk or not, he started it, so he definitely deserved such a reply. Alcohol brings out what's hidden within you, so Ian definitely meant what he said about you."
"It sounds like you both shouldn't hang out with each other, as it seems like your friends are manipulative and hypocritical. It will only get more toxic for you in the long run." ~ RecordingFun1642
"It may sound immature, but 'Don't dish it out if you can't take it' is a rule many people should remember. If you're teasing somebody (especially about something they can't control), they just might tease you back, and it may be about something you're sensitive about."
"Also, he's just straight up wrong—many short men get a lot of interest from women. Sure, there are some women who won't date a short man, just like there are men who won't date women who aren't model perfect."
"But the only time I've seen short men who can't find a girlfriend, they're usually incredibly focused on their height, and if they just chilled out and approached women normally, they'd be completely fine."
"I have no idea if OP has had issues finding a date, but he's probably going to do a lot better if he stops hanging out with guys like this who are digging into his (potential) insecurities." ~ haleorshine
"NTA. You hit them with the line that always works, 'I may be short, but you're still broke'. Smug a**holes like them always hate that sh*t because the truth hurts."
"Good riddance to all of them I hope you find a better class of friends because they weren't it." ~ Know_1_7777777
"NTA. Don't dish out what you can't take in. I'm also short, 5' 7". That caused me some confidence issues when I was in high school, but I quickly found that height is important to some women, but not to many."
"My wife is a few inches shorter than I am, and it works out great for us. You hit below the belt, but you weren't wrong, and he crossed that line first."
"If this was an isolated incident, maybe you both can apologize and be friends again. But if he has a pattern of disrespecting you, consider if you even want him as a friend." ~ WilsIrish
"Petty? Sure. NTA however. Thats a legit FAFO moment. Good for you." ~ EntrepreneurAmazing3
"NTA and do yourself a favour. These people are not your friends. You're the sh*t end of the stick for this group and the verbal punching bag."
"I'm sure they are fine when it's one on one right? But the second it's the pack, you're the odd one out."
"I had a group of friends like this. Cut them all off immediately once I finished school. Been 13 years since I last saw any of them."
"If this is a pattern that you see regularly, then just leave and don't come back." ~ grilled_pc
"NTA. Let's see shorter guy with a stable job or tall guy working minimum wage that likes to get drunk and belligerent. What a tough choice." ~ Top_Detective9184
"NTA. That dude is not your friend."
"There are lots of women out there who will date short guys. Just be confident and kind. That's all most women want." ~ LookAwayPlease510
"NTA. He was drunk and made what he thought was a joke at your expense. You soberly and viciously laid bare his insecurities in front of his girlfriend."
"The very definition of f*ck around and find out (FAFO)." ~ pokederp56
But many thought everyone sucked (ESH).
"ESH—the 'although he's good looking, he's a waiter' says it all." ~ Low-Inevitable-7
"Obviously you're an a**hole. But beyond that, your insult kinda rings hollow when you're single and he's not. Really bad look. ESH." ~ AlfredoDG133
"You're both idiots. Him for mocking your height, and you for stating that his financial situation makes him unworthy."
"Also, while I don't condone drunkenness, the fact that you stated that you're 'a teetotaler and absolutely loathe alcohol' reeked of superiority."
"To be honest, I would rather be married to someone who is honest, ethical, has morals…. Basically, someone decent that I could trust with my life.
"I have no interest in someone wealthy, and arrogant. It's a real turn off, and maybe that's why you're single." ~ Dontblink-S3
"You're an a**hole because you clearly have a holier-than-thou view on service workers, but Ian is also an a-hole. ESH." ~ calgrump
"ESH. Ian's a d*ck, but it sounds like you're single for reasons other than your height." ~ Nobody7713
"ESH, but mostly Ian. He can dish it out but he can't take it. While your response wasn't the most mature, he definitely had it coming."
"Remember that drinking alcohol drops inhibitions, so the drunk Ian showed you who he really is. Might be time to reevaluate that 'friendship'."
"And of course you know he's wrong—plenty of guys who are not tall have fantastic long-lasting relationships and marriages." ~ PhoenixRisingToday
"ESH. Your friend for commenting on your height, and you for doing the same on their financial situation."
"Bear in mind that you probably won't get any taller, but they could get into a better financial situation at some point in the future..." ~ Adventurous_Byte
"ESH. 'You're short' 'oh yeah? Well, you're poor'. What kind of kindergarten bullsh*t is this?" ~ terrorkat
"ESH. Ian clearly has negative opinions about you, and voiced them while drunk. Can't imagine what else he thinks about you, and may have kept to himself."
"On the flip side, what a nasty thing to say to Ian? Like yes, he deserved it because he came at you first, but wow, shows how you feel about your other friends in similar jobs."
"If I were another waiter, or similarly paid, in your friend group I'd be put off by that comment. Waiters can make BANK, especially in upscale restaurants."
"You two should not be friends, you clearly dislike each other." ~ pettypotata
"ESH. An eye for an eye? I don't think you were as big of an AH as he was, but that doesn't really make your actions right either." ~ Honest-Sector-4558
"ESH. You're shallow and you hang around shallow people. Short and poor men get married every day." ~ OkSecretary1231
"Man, ESH. Like all of you, or at least the both of you."
"He's T-A for the short crack, any way you slice it."
"You're T-A for disparaging his earnings."
"And you're both massively T-A for perpetuating these awful stereotypes that all or most women value height and/or income so highly as to completely pass on guys just for being shorter or not making enough."
"THAT BEING SAID, I mean, he has a girlfriend, and you don't, so..." ~ Three-Pegged-Hare
"ESH. This sounds like you all just graduated grade school, not that you're in your thirties. Time to grow up." ~ MatterLopsided8231
"ESH: Ian shouldn't dish it out if he can't take it."
"That said, your post is conspicuously lacking of any mention of how you didn't really mean what you said, but were just grasping for a comeback against some ballbusting that went below the belt."
"Anyone who sincerely believes that wealth goes hand in hand with being worthy of love is an a**hole." ~ Pedantic_Inc
While some thought anything is fair game when someone mocks your physical appearance, others thought attacking someone's income was equally vile.
But pretty much everyone agreed. With friends like these, who needs enemies?
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.